A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I always argue on everything, and he is so pessimistic unlike me. What to do?I have been married for 8 years now. we were our first ones and because of that it was very hard to get along! We have huge communication issues. he sees the glass half empty I see it half full. He is so pessimistic and not good with making new friends. Or prefers to be alone unlike me. He has anger management issues. no physical harm, never, but for me they are a drain of my love of life and happiness. now looking back, I see that I was more unhappy then I was happy. last year, I was on the edge of divorcing him and stayed mostly because of my son. He is a good man, loving to his son and me but when he gets down he became a black hole that pulls the light! I went to counseling alone since he does not believe in them, we talked a lot about what is wrong between us and he believes I never change and expect him to change. he said I am the most stubborn person he has ever seen. There is so much grudge in me against him. of all the times he broke my heart with a few words. and I do not know what to do now. we are not speaking for a week now. I said we need to talk yesterday but he refused to talk. Aghh! that is my life and I do not know what to do! I guess both of us are fed up with each other. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): thanks for sharing the man side . But i have already read that book and when I offered it to him , he refused because he does not believe that other people could have a say in his relations or feelings. He took some help previously about hisissues and now he thinks all the answers are within him. Anyway, I do not know the right thing to do. actually right for who? he believes I am the most stubborn person he had ever seen and that I never care about anything he says. Well relatinships! only the ones involved could solve. what i have leraned; marriage is sooo very hard.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): Your replies to this are very sad. Clearly your thoughts on the issue are more in favor of compounding the problem instead of healing the wound. Your replies speak volumes about you as a person and what you must have gone through in the past. I hope you get over it. Men and Woman are extremely different animals and perhaps you are missing that very important fact. Women nor Men are Islands in their own right. It takes the combination of woman and man in every part of life and in our society to stay on the right course for our children and our children's children. I would fear a world that was run by all men and would equally fear the world run by all women. I apologize in advanced for my male tendancies of assumptions but truth be told they are usually spot on. A good read for the hurting wife would be The five languages of love by Gary Chapman as well as hope for the separated also by Gary Chapman. Though you are not separated yet I hope this will give some good insight to some sort of reconciliation if your husband sees the light. I would strongly suggest you drop the man's version of The five love languages on your husbands lap and say "Read it now if you know what's good for you". If that doesn't work then drop the hope for the separated on his lap. That usually pulls a males head out of his a## if there is anything to be saved.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): Hi Hunny
You said you have been going for counselling but your husband wont go hunny, You are most definatly going round in circles sweetheart, And breaking that circle can be hard if you are both against each other, But saying that its also difficult when you are stuck as he doesnt seem to want to change his oppinion and you are left unhappy in yours. I sent you the link not only for self esteem but for maybe the other issues that are on there from the point of view of other women in the same position as it has a chat forum..A link out of the world you are in at the moment a get away for times of worry, The only thing I can say sweetheart is if you are really so unhappy then you will have to speak with him again and if he wont listen then you will have to make a decision of if you want to be in this relationship or not.
Ive had to make that decision hunny after 13yrs of marriage it was not easy because of the children but I was not getting anywere no matter how hard I tryed, So in the end I left but not without trying everything, counselling therapy talking till I was out of breath he just had his own point of view and if I didnt like it tough, Well I didnt like being treated this way bullied and told to be this way and what I should be doing and when so I just wanted out hun I hope you work something out TAKE CARE WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Mandy7thanks for trying to help. but i do not think it is the issue here. I am very content with myself. And always happy to be me. But the thing is i do not think I am getting along with my husband well. I cannot think like him. his behaviors are annoying me and I bet mine annoys him too. Its been like this for a while and we make the marriage worse.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): Hi Hunny
You are your own person and have oppinions right! You are not supposed to so you are stubborn, Hunny the world is changing and you live in a country where you are supposed to be the submissive and good and its hard when you have a mind of your own a free spirit a yearning for following your dreams..Thats why your unhappy sweetheart ill send you a link on self esteem to get you strong and help with this sadness I hope it helps a little I have heard this kind of story quite a few times and it could be the same husband the same wife in all cases and its always the wife I talk with
http://www.selfesteem4women.com/index.php
You take care and think about maybe loging on to this site and get a profile as its a wonderfull outlet and you meet some amazing friends TAKE CARE OF YOU HUNNY LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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