A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Now that the relationship is over, I'm still dealing with a lot of unanswered questions as to what kind of woman I was seeing all these years. She often accused me of not "getting" her, or that men don't "get" her. It's as if she's trying to convey that she's special and can only be understood by certain people. For example, she would be all affectionate and loving for a couple of weeks, and then discard me like yesterday's trash; almost as if I never existed and her love for me wasn't real. She then accused me of being clingy (not true) simply becuase I wanted some answers regarding her behavior, but her reply often reverted back to the not "getting" her and understanding her life. It was my fault I guess. When things were okay she would reappear in a clever manner acting as if nothing happened.It felt as if she was playing mind games with me by creating an atmosphere of uncertainty. This would either lure me into or web or allow her to repudiate me when she had enough for a while.I noticed that she sometimes deployed these same tactics with her female acquaintances as well. She would tell me that she was sick and tired of her best friend and then put a cease and desist on their friendship for a while. She's very critical and secretly envious it seems.So what was she trying to convey with all this? She was, and still is, totally into me physically and chemistry wise, but only wanted me in increments it seems. Everything had to suit her agenda. But God forbid if I changed plans on her, or if her friends did the same Her wrath was a deafening silence. I don't understand how someone so sweet, charming, attractive, could be so cruel sometimes and then blame it on me not getting her.Thanks in advance for your replies!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Serpico.......trust me, I've always gravitated to the activities you recommended as a means to expand my mind and social circle. I don't have any problems meeting women whatsoever, but I'm confounded that I let myself become an active participant in a relationship that was predicated on supplying narcissistic fuel.I have come to the realization that anyone can fall victim to a charmer who is adept at luring you in with the hot and cold game in order to keep you guessing and longing for the "hot" phase.
A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (13 January 2016):
This is what you should do to "understand her."
1 - Go to the gym, every day. No exceptions, no excuses.
2 - Read one book per week.
3 - Put an extra hour a day in at work. Set a goal for a raise/promotion.
4 - Make a commitment to speak for at least 30 minutes a day to women you do not know.
Do that for a year, and come back and tell me how much time you instead wish you wasted thinking about a woman/relationship that is over.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2016): I can answer this question because I am exactly that way. She is emotionally unstable and dosent know what she wants. And need I mention we are never apologetic no matter how people explain our attitude to us. It's all in our head but I have learnt to curb mine. She doesn't really like you. Also.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@janniepeg.....OMG! You are spot on and phrased your response in such a lucid manner, I now feel like a light switched got flipped on in a dark fog of confusion.
The part about "every moment being exciting and romantic" hits the nail on the head, because she would vacillate between wanting to spend time with me or pushing me away. Whenever she wanted to spend time it was all about fulfilling her sexual needs, or need for affection. When she wasn't in the mood or stressed she would complain that we were just moping around and wasting time, and she has other priorities to address. Very cruel.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (11 January 2016):
 She is the kind of person who blows hot and cold to gain a sense of control. You asked her what's wrong, hoping to fix anything but her answer was a vague one. A general one like men don't get women. Implying that there's nothing you can do to win her heart. So you keep trying and trying. It's the constant struggle that makes her feel loved, because the moment you got her, she would lose interest. Or she is worried that once she stops playing games, you would stop pursuing her and the relationship would feel dead already. I believe she can be sweet, as a tool to hook you in but when you look at the big picture, what she is doing is not cool, charming and attractive. When she said men don't get her, what she's saying is that why can't every single moment be exciting and romantic? Why can't you read her mind and supply her narcissistic needs any moment she needs it? Of course this is impossible and relationships are not about feeding someone constant attention then punishing them if there's not enough.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2016): Sounds like she wasn't emotionally stable, perhaps she didn't disclose a mental health problem to you - or perhaps she doesn't realise she has a mental health issue underlying which might account for some of her irrational behaviour.
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