A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Once I read my bfs phone (I know, but don't judge me, I did have valid reason) and read some really inappropriate stuff to a girl he once dated (photos, sex talk and other stuff you don't say when you have a gf - it was his relationship with her that made me look). We had a big row and talked it through and we decided to try and move on. A year later and I thought I'd have a check of his phone (again, please don't judge me. I know I should not have :( ) and there was this half conversation with his male friend. I thought it weird it was only half a conversation, so I asked him a few days later if he now deletes stuff from his phone he doesn't want me to read. He said that he deletes stuff he'll think will upset me. This has screwed me over and now I feel like my trust is about to fly out the window again. I'd rather he kept them there and I got upset! Please advice :(
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (18 July 2011):
 You decided to try and move on. Well, it looks like he's unable to succeed in staying trustworthy, so it's really time to move on, from him.
He isn't trustworthy, he's hiding things and he knows this is a problem for you.
Why stick around for the inevitable? Do you not think you deserve better than that?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2011): How can you trust a person who has stuff to hide? I'm not talking privacy here, I'm talking hiding stuff.
What happened here OP is that he was caught a year ago and now he just deletes them but is pretty much doing the exact same thing.
You simply can't trust this guy OP, deleting stuff off his phone because he doesn't want it to upset you is huge red flag.
I delete nothing off my phone unless I need space on it. I don't understand why anyone would hide messages and stuff on their phone from their partner anyway. She's perfectly entitled to go through my phone or my computer any time she wants. She'll even answer texts for me if I get one while I'm in the shower etc. We do give each other privacy though, but we've never actually needed to hide anything from each other. The only time I can remember was when I was organizing as surprize party for her and even then she trusted me enough to know it wasn't something to worry about. You don't have that luxury with your guy because he's betrayed you before.
I don't see any way out of this for you OP. He admitted he deletes stuff he doesn't want you to see, what's worse is he told you straight up these things would upset you. It's pretty clear based on what happened before what those things may well be.
You have to talk to friends and family, people who know him and see what they think. You have to talk this out with him more too and get to the bottom of this. So far his excuses are bullshit and are very suspicious, you're right to not trust him so tell him that and see if he's willing to make the effort to regain that.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (18 July 2011):
 your trust has been destroyed by him, and there is not really any way to comeback. i would say that maybe you have a self confidence issue but there is more to this situation - you looked at his phone because you had some red flag that told you to, and you found inappropriate comments. proves he can't be trusted. the favourite line of guys like this is to tell you that you're paranoid and that YOU are the one with the problem.
my advice - dump him or else you face a lifetime of checking his phone, the more you check the more secretive he will become (getting a second phone, spare sim card, using keypad lock, deleting call logs and messages)THEN get some help for your insecurity issues so that when you meet a trustworthy guy you don't ruin the relationship by not trusting him coz you have been hurt by you current boyfriend.
i am really sorry that i could not give you positive advice but to me, this just does not sound like a worthwhile relationship if there is no trust. a man should not make you feel like you have to be a secret agent
x
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