A
female
age
,
*ittlepistal
writes:Hi I am in need of help. My husband of 9 yrs was on meds from the Dr for pain the whole marriage. He is very laid back to begin with and does not show emotion and he is not very compassionate. I thought it was the drugs the whole marriage. We had alot of problems when we first got married he had two daughters from a privous marriage and he was a widow for a couple of yrs when I met him. He was seeing someone else a few months after his wife passed. I feel now the daughters were angry at him because he did not give them any emotional support only finicial. Make long story short he started taking these meds and I finally called the Dr and told him he needed to get him off of them it is ruining my marriage. I went through alot without emotional support. Having a hard time concieving when we had sex not much and menopause and the death of my mother he was high/numb. He never made up always stonewalled and nodded out. He did work and provide for us. I have been sick with anixety/agoraphobia a few months after we met so he is the soul provider. So we were fighting alot through the yrs because he was not there emotionally to help with the issues. No affection at all. Never said sorry. I fiqured this was all caused by the drugs everyday and antidepressants. So the Dr told him the end of August he was going to put him on Meds to get him off the pain killers. He came home and flipped out on me and said just cause he is off these does not mean he is gonna change. He was sooooo angry. So his body was not going through withdrawel phyically but his mind was I am sure emotionally. The meds they gave him to help get off the painkillers he just got off of around two and half months ago and got worse. So I told him he is not gonna treat me like this anymore you are a dry addict you need some meetings this was in Feb 12th 09, gave him a list of meetings AA/Na and told him to go to his Dads until he goes to one. He went the next day and never came back he got worse since the meetings which is almost 4 months. He hooked up with all the A's and also is back on his Harley after 10 yrs with all those people just deserted me. He said he wants a divorce and is so nasty to me no matter what I say. Yet he is not going to a lawyer yet. He still pays all the bills cause it is all under his credit. He didnt take the charge cards from me or cancel them. He gives me food money. I have know children but I have been out of work almost the whole marriage other than a year and half which was 6 yrs ago cause of my phobias. I have asked him why he is soooo angry and nasty to me I didnt do anything. I was a very good wife, cooked for him, clean clothes on his back, clean house. I was a good inlaw my mother in law passed away I tried to help my father in law by cooking and having him here for holidays. I tried to do the best I could with his daughers to except me. I took alot. Now all of a sudden after sticking with him through all that he tell me he does not want to be with me anymore because I fought with him and we are uncompatible. I told him he was high that is why and he did not give me love or affection, etc. My mom just passed a year and a half ago I was an emotional wreck trying to heal from that and he does this. Plus we had a fight two months after my mom died and and he was gone for a month. I love my husband and told him we need to try while he is clean and going to meetings and I will go to Alnon and counsling or marriage retreat. He said he dont wanna work out our marriage life is short. And I said why I didnt do anything wrong people fight and we had reason here you were using. And we did have alot of issues with his children and our mom passing and me not having children and him having Hep C which he was on meds for that which was hard while my mom was sick. He dont want to see this he says he knows he didnt do things right but I gave him grief. He gave me grief he was high and I went through alot. He had a great time with my family. He is all hooked up with As and biker friends now living a midlife crisis. I have been making a jerk out of myself by crying and begging him to come home. He seems to listen for a while like he is gonna change his mind and than get nasty again. He hangs up in the middle of a conversation which I do all the talking he dont communicate. And than he says I was on the phone an hour it is dying and cuts me off dont call back. Like leaving me on a string. Than I go look for him sometimes at his meetings or his dads house to talk. Everything is a mess. Why is he mean to me if he deserted me and why didnt he go get the divorce papers. I feel he is just keeping me until he meets someone else. He cannot be alone. He is not working his program he goes for coffee and socialize. He is not working the steps he can even tell me what the 3rd on is. I actually ran into a women today who over heard me and asked if my husband was in A meetings and his told me his name she said she meet him at a funeral for a AA member and he went over to her cause he heard she had breast cancer and said she is in his prayers cause that is how his wife passed and started talking with her like flirting. She said how long you clean he said for months and she said see ya. I dont know if she is telling the truth cause he is not bad looking. And she is also a A. She told me she new what he was up to you can tell. I confronted him and he said who I told him it did not matter you are looking and keeping me on a string. He said I never changed what I said. Meaning he does not want to work it out and he does not want to be with me anymore. He wont answer his cell until I call him maybe a few times. Than he will stay on the phone and listen. We have a house down the shore we suppose to go open but I dont feel comfortable with him. I have to walk on eggshells. No matter what I talk about. I tried to make him a nice dinner last week and came moody and we had a fight but yet he told his father I made a nice dinner. But he never ate it. I am confused. I am getting to the point now I want to give up. But I am so heartbroken and angry at the same time. I ask him why he is treating me this way and he said because I dont listen like if he has to go I dont let him off the phone. And I frustrate him. Hello I said. That does not give you the right to treat me this way. He also had a fight with my brother they were like brothers and disconnected himself to my family. Yet he came to a wedding with me the end of May but said cause I had no why to get there. That the only reason he went but I said I was gonna send the money. Can you help me and give me advice how to get him back.. Do you think there is hope. I understand his mind is a mess at this time even other addicts told me this. Thanks
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female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (24 June 2009):
 Why the hell do you want this idiot back? Trust me, life is too short so get divorced and find someone to treat you right! And anxiety is not a reason not to go to work, you can get a precription for meds which deal with this (which are non-addictive) x
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