A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend broke up a day before valentine's day this year, so we've been broken up for nearly 3 months. She was my first real love, and my first GF and long-term relationship. She's had alot of experience and told me that I was her 8th long term relationship. I admit that it was my fault to cause her to brake up with me cause I was very immature, had no common sense, and did stupid things to piss her off and annoy her. When we broke up, I did not contact her for about 1 1/2 months. She told me that she no longer had feelings for me and just wanted to be good friends. So I accepted it and we would talk every other day through texting ect. Just this past few weeks ago, we started hanging out again, and I would go to her house and we would watch movies together, and just chill. We never did anything as far as being affectionate towards each other or anything. We would flirt alittle between each other and have a good time and laugh but I guess you can say I never even made it to "second base" with her. One thing me and my GF had in common is that we loved to dance. We would go to country clubs and we'd dance so much with each other. We've always been dance partners since the first time I ever met her. Anyways, this past Wednesday, we got into a big fight. To make a long story short, we were both over there at a country club and she talking to this guy that I absolutely hate. He backstabbed me, tried to get with my GF while we were dating and would always talk shit about me to my GF. My GF even told me in the past (when we were together) that he not a person to ever trust and not be friends with. So it hurt me seeing her with him, laughing, flirting and dancing all night with. I confronted her the next day if there was anything going on between them because I absolutely hated the guy. She told me no that they were just good "bar friends" and that she doesn't like him like that. I pushed on about him, and was demanding if he ever took her out, or tried to hangout with her while we were broken up. All she said was that her personal life was none of my business, but continued to say they are just good bar friends. So I accepted it, and everything was ok. Moving on to this past Friday, I took my Ex out to this concert this country singer was playing at. It was prolly the best night and worst night of my life at the same time. To make a long story short, we were both drunk and when we dance, she would hold me like she used to hold me when we were together, she put her head on my shoulder, hold my hand like a couple would. It was really an amazing night. We watched the concert and I got to hold her in my arms, ect. Then I had started giving her small kisses on the cheek and she was like "you can't do that..." And I was like "friends can give each other kisses on the cheek..." And she was like... "Ok then I'll only allow that... Since noone knows us here at this concert, we can have "fun" with each other..." So then my ex started being a huge tease, by grabbing my hands and rubbing it all over her body. I would put my hands in her pants and she would put her hands in my pants, I started kissing her all on her neck but did not ever kiss her in the lips. I asked if I could kiss her and she said no that we were just friends but that we could only play around with each other. So I said ok .and was really enjoying it and the night was great. Afterwards we left, and we were in the back seat of the car and I was feeling all over her body and she would occasionally grab my "stuff". Her mom was with us btw the whole time and drove us lol. But we were in the back seat trying to be quiet ha ha. Anyways I whispered in her ear that I wanted to be with her tonight, and she said no. I was in shock and got pissed. I held in and just said ok I understand. When they dropped me off, I texted her being extremely pissed telling she was wrong for doing what she did. She apologized and said it was her fault and that she was drunk, and began to say that's why she doesn't like getting too drunk cause she can't control herself. She said that she said she stopped drink cause she realized what she was doing and didn't want to continue with it, and that because she honestly didn't have no feelings for me. The argument escalated it and got really bad. The next morning me and her talked about it, and she told me that I needed to move on. She said she only see's as a friend and nothing else. She said since the beginning of our relationship, that at that time, she just wanted a boyfriend, and since I was always hanging out with her, she wanted to give it a shot and see how it went. She told me that she was never was really in love with me or had that spark for me. She began to tell me that with all her ex's, she never went back to any of them except for one, because she said she was truly in loved with him, that she was completely consumed by him. She told me if she truly loves someone she'll give them a 2nd chance, but her beliefs are....she believes in a one-time relationship. If it doesn't work out, then she moves on, and does not get back with her ex's. She keeps on saying if its meant to be, one day she'll find that person she'll be with for the rest of her life. She keeps on telling me to let her go, that she no longer feels nothing for me, that one day I'll find someone special and will not think about her. I asked her if there is any chance (not any time soon or even months from now) but like a year or 2 years down the road if we could ever get back together. She said no it would never happen again and that I need to stop holding on to that. She said by 2 years she would already be moved on and probably have another boyfriend by then. She keeps telling me that i need to focus on myself, to better myself in my life as a person and focus on my schooling, ect. The fact is, I was so much in love with her and still am. She was literally EVERYTHING I wanted in a woman. Her beauty, her personality, she was caring, loving, sweet, she was so sexy and had an amazing body, she was my best dancer and everything. Even though she says we will never get back together and has never gotten back with any of her ex's, I honestly do believe her but something keeps telling me somewhere down the road we will be back together. I just have this faith that I can't seem to let go. I just need some advice in what should I do? Should I give it time or should I let her go completely and move on?
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broke up, drunk, flirt, get back together, her ex, immature, kissing, move on, my ex, spark, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2013): Hey, am alot older then you, this women is a user, shes cold hearted, please just walk away, do not ever talk to her again, if she trys to talk to you , just tell her do not ever talk to me again, if you see me do not even say hello, do not even smile , for you do not deserve my friendship, . I know how you feel, its been a year, an it still hurts every day, but I did the right thing, they lose, not us, I know you wonder, what you could of done different, nothing they are just cold hearted, one day some one will do the same to them, ITS TO BAD WE DO NOT GET TO SEE IT. I smile for you bud, smile for me too. One day your heart will smile again, I promise you that. One day you will wake up, an it won't hurt any more, just hang in their, it just takes a long time, just remember she lost, she don't have you, it goes both ways men can be just as bad as women, you will love again
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (6 May 2013):
 Um, I would let her go and move on.
She is in her early twenties and isn't willing to work on any relationship, if it fails it fails and she moves on. She doesn't sound very mature to me. She isn't even willing to work on a relationship with a person she claims to love. Relationships don't just work themselves out, there are good times where everything runs smoothly and then there are really tough times when it's worse than a bumpy road and you (as a couple) have to work through that stuff. She isn't willing to do that.
She broke up with you and two months later you guys start hanging out again. She is flirting and dancing with a guy she knows you hate/intensely dislike. Even if you two are just friends, that's disrespectful to me. She shouldn't have done that out of respect for you, especially since she previously stated to you that he isn't a person you should hang with or be friends with. You guys fight about this.
Then you go to a concert, where you guys are holding each other, touching each other and it feels like it did when you were together. But she shuts you down, saying your just friends. But then tells you you can have "fun" with each other because you're at a concert but you can't kiss her on the mouth. I don't know about your friendships, but I don't grope my friends or kiss them at all, anywhere.
I think you should move on. She sounds like she wants attention from you and that's about it. I wouldn't even remain friends with her. All that's going to do is bring up painful memories and you'll have to watch her flirt with other people if you guys are hanging out, because you are just friends.
You are so young, move on and find a woman that wants you as much as you want her and loves you enough to work through the rough times in the relationship.
Good luck to you!
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