A
male
age
30-35,
*ice guy in last
writes:hi. I've posted on here before and its most likely my falt but I don't believe that the entirety to my problem is coming off correctly. all names are fake. I fell in love. doesn't sound like a problem now but just wait. I've been in love before and I've been loved. unfortunately she was murdered. I completely lost it. lost in a state of total depression and insanity. who could blame me I was 16 and lost the only person that cared about me. this time I work with her. kayla. ALL NAMES are FALSE. when we first met I just took my break and she was in the break room. she came up to me and said come on were goin to lunch. I was still in a depression but I figured screw it why not. we went out and I payed. we talked the entire time gettin to know each other. she has had an abusive past her fathers child beat her and her child kim. then it came time for me. I told her how my heart was broken a couple of times and about my broken home. we just talked for wat seemed like hours. after the talk we had to get back to work. from that point on we always went out to lunch. then one night, she invited me over to her house after work. we rented a movie and bought some beer. when we got there I got to meet her daughter kim. kayla told me how she never likes men due to her ex. kim and I just sat in the living room and for some reason she felt comfortable around me. she showed me all her toys and such and was verry hyperactive. after kayla put kim down we popped in the movie and she layed on my chest. about half way in she asked me to get her another beer so I did as I brought it back I handed it to her and she was just looking up at me as I stood next to her and I leaned down and kissed her. we began kissing for hours. after a while we broke she looked at me smiled and said wow. then something happened a look of sadness came across her face and she started calling herself a cheater. I found out she had a boyfriend and she was completely distraught. I said to her "you are not a bad person I made the decision to kiss you, when I look at you I see a strong great person. I look at that child and I see what makes her so wonderful and that's you." she calmed down and i carried her to bed. we laid in bed together listening to music she fell asleep in my arms. after she fell asleep, I snuck out and slept on the couch. then a few weeks later she broke up with her boyfriend. I helped her thru it and basically was there for her. after a week she invited me back to her place. as we got there kim was awake. she was excited to see me. after the first beer I went to get another and kim looked at me and said "where you going daddy?" needless to say I didn't know what to do or say. kayla just stared at kim with her mouth open. I went back over to kim and said "kim my name is john ok?" to wich she replied with an ok. I then went grabbed a beer and kayla went and put kim in bed. we again cuddled and watched movies and drank. once it got late she looked at me and kissed me. we made love that night. after, we went to her bed and she again fell asleep in my arms this time I stayed. we awoke to a laughing child jumping on the bed. we got up had breakfast. then went to work. after work I got a phone call from kayla saying not to tell anyone of the night before because we could get fired. after awhile kayla said to me during lunch that she has been single for the longest time in her life and that she is gonna stay single for a year. I was a lil confused but supported her in doing so. I then told her that if she wanted to stay single for that long that maybe we shouldn't drink together. then due to a promotion for her we where no longer aloud to go to lunch together. we although continued to text and call each other and on several occasions she asked me to come over. I told her I didn't want the chance of her gettin into trouble at work due to our boss lives close by her house. then one night after about a month while I was at work a buddy told me a rumor that her and some other guy where dating and one other that's a little too extreme and sexual to say here. but ill tell you it was about kayla. I told it off. then the next day the other guy involved in the rumor lets call him red. red asked me if I heard anything about that so I told him about what I heard and both rumors due to they both involve red and kayla. he immediately responded with saying im not dating her you are. red has been found to be the source of almost all the rumors at work and has always been a two face lier. that night kayla asks me about it and said red told her. I told her red knows it all just ask him. she replies with I want to hear it from you. so I told her. she replied with that is so wrong and not true. a week later I go out with some old friends and get completely smashed. I drunkenly texted kayla and told her I loved her. the next morning or should I say afternoon after I woke up and turned my phone on I was flooded with texts from her. saying "hey hun I just woke up in regards to your text I was completely shocked and at the same time it made me smile i completely understand and appreciate your honesty your a great person and have a kind generous heart and have been a great support system. we need to get together." I thought to myself what the fuck did you do dumbass. after remembering I hated myself. that night when I went over there kim was already asleep we had a few beers and relaxed and watched tv, we talked about bullshit the entire night, laughing joking just having fun. she again fell asleep in my arms. the next morning we awoke to kim. we made her breakfast. during breakfast she asked we can't just say nothing about it. I told her "ive said everything I had to say. yes I was drunken texting you but its all true. I fell in love with you.' she didn't respond. later she told me that she was dating red and has been for a couple weeks. I was hurt. I didn't know wat to say. I still don't. I only know the guy as no good but I could never tell her that due to what I said. im hurt and don't know what to do. im about to go into the military and that would mean to leave her behind. im in love with her. im hurting please help. 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at work, broke up, drunk, fell in love, her ex, I work with, kissing, military, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): A few thoughts here:
I'm sorry your first love passed away. That must have been horrible for you. I think I would very well lost my sanity if my first love had. But one thing that should bolster you about that is, nothing compares to the pain you felt back then, right? So you already have a coping mechanism in place for deep sorrow.
As for this new girl, I'm sure you think you sort of dropped the ball in some way, like when she invited you over and you said NO?!? to her, for instance... That was the point where she was like, "hm, ok new guy time."
But don't beat yourself up too bad, she told you loud and clear that she didn't want to date for a year. That's convoluted indirect "woman speak" for rejection, anyways.
I do, however, think all this over-consideration for her was overkill, like, "oh she doesn't want to date anyone so its probably best if I don't bother her until she does" and... "I don't want to get her fired from her job"
And what happened? She got with someone else from her work anyway. So it might as well have been you. But at the same time, given she wanted nothing exclusive, its quite possible she would have had "Red" in her bed, regardless of whether you kept going over her house or not. So if you wanted something exclusive, you would not have got it with her any way, any how. She didn't deserve all that consideration from you, that is a definite.
You should NOT just jump in the military over this. Initiating massive life changes because of some broad's rejection of you is never a good move. I say this time and time again: Do not let her disrupt your life. That makes the heartbreak far WORSE and much more lasting.
Military is fine, and if you want to enter it, enter it. More power to you and thanks, but don't enlist for the wrong reasons.
~G
A
female
reader, Tig  +, writes (4 May 2009):
from what it sounds like this girl is a total attention seeker and u need to just cut her loose and get her out of your life.... joining the military is not the answer trust me my friend jpoined the army when e ended it with his x of 3 years and it was the worst decision e ever made. i no it sounds hard now but u will get over her in time u just need to chat wit someone that is willing to listen cos it sounds like to me that it was this girls company u enjoyed more then anything else. anyway u should def try cut this girl loose. if u need someone to talk to u can always write back ere. problems always seem easier wen they are shared. good look... x x x x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): So let me get this right dude, she was seeing someone else and she kissed you, then when she was seeing you she kissed someone else?
She isn't into you. Go find someone who is. Joining the military seems a bit extreme - particularly if its l'legion
but i guarantee in a few months time you won't care.
so what to do until then... well get your head busy! see this post.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-move-on-after-breaking-up.html
and follow some of the advice - you have been wounded, of course a rejection is going to hurt like shrapnel (sigh) be strong military man - C'est la vie mes amis as they might say in parts of France (where they speak bad French)
Star.x.
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