A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 36 year old woman who met a 30 year old guy in April while we were both out of town on our own respective business. We happened to be staying at a common friend's house. I did not know him before. Sparks flew and we made out of three straight nights, However I refused to go all the way and have sex with him. Also i did not want my friends to know. Before leaving I asked him if he'd like to be in touch. He said yes, he took my number and messaged to call him the next time I was in his city.Meanwhile we would randomly text and chat on IM but not too much, a few sentences here and there with a few rare long chats about the world in general.I was so taken by him that on the pretext of work I planned a trip to his city, however work was just an excuse and the main reason was to see him and curiosity. When I told him I was coming on work, he decided to find a house of his own, as he was staying with friends for many months, delaying the search because there was no real hurry. Which he did, he asked me to stay with him, however I was hesitant and told him I'll stay with my own friends as well as stay with him. 10 days flew by we met every other day and spent two weekends together, had tons of good sex, he'd text everyday to check how my day was, we cooked, went out pubbing. He took me to meet his friends and he was happy to meet mine..When I left the last words were 'take care', also I could sense him getting restless and a bit anxious the last day. As if he now wanted me to leave. Which was understandable I guess, because i was bit anxious too. Anyhow I left back to my own town. We still kept in touch. But again it hadn't graduated to more sincere or deeper things chatting, But short sentences, every other day like before. But since he began playing on my mind a lot and he never said things like I miss you, or any thing at all that referenced his thoughts about me. All chats were random, about common interests, and mostly short. Once I said to him that I missed him and all I got back was a smiley. so I figured he was not that interested and perhaps it was just a fling. And my chats are for entertainment only. A few weeks later when it got too much for me, I then let him know on IM that I was not interested in a fling really, but more, I also said that I was sure he hadn't given it any particular thought, but I don't want to indulge a fling really and I hope he can appreciate and respect that.In a bit of a spot I reckon, He said he'll call. But I really didn't want a whole discussion (i had stated my point) about it, and so I told him there was no need for it. I thanked him nicely for good times and decided to let it pass.One week later he pinged me on IM and started conversation again. I kept the chats at distance but yes entertained it. Again nothing about us was referred or even mentioned. A few days later he said that he was coming to my city on work. I like a tempted fool offered my place if he wanted. he said he wasn't sure where he was staying. Nonetheless three days later he asked me if the option was open. And I said yes. He came over, again tons of sex, he then went and met his friends on his own, he came out with me a few times and met some of mine. We ate together, cooked a bit too. What struck me odd is when he carried his phone to the bathroom too. I am sure there are other woman he keeps in touch with and I am not exclusive. Which is fine I guess, helped me keep in check about giving him too much weight than I should be. But it was an insight i suppose. Again his parting words were take care. from the airport he texted. "checking in I had a good time take care." To which I did not respond. because it was the most lame text in the universe. Anyhow I think he realised the same and called a bit later saying my message was too weak so I called to say bye. I said bye and said that I'll see him again,. He said yes. It was an awkward conversation as if he wanted to say something but did not. No plans have been made to see each other again. But i had overheard him speaking on the phone telling them that he will be visiting on work often. we are in touch again, it is as random as it was, but sometimes rarely longer. now domestic things like cooking and how he has fixed his cycle (which I challenged him he could not ) are included.. etceteras etcetra. since then, one time he randomly snapped about going to sleep. after only one or two texts about a joke i sent. I decided to step back again.. and did not go online or speak with him. After silence for a whole day (which is not uncommon in our interactions). I get a text from him asking me if I was okay because I wasn't online and he hopes I am having fun. I found that bizarre. Thing is I like him. I think. And I can't tell if this is something more than I know. Does he like me, or is this a dragged on fling, or am I mere entertainment before he finds his soul mate. I cannot tell!or maybe I can and I am in denial.Are men not supposed to be simple to figure.Some agony sharp person can tell me I'm sure.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2011): Thank you so much for all your valuable words. It helps to quell doubts. I do think a third party is more objective and clear in situations of heart involvement. Its incredible how neptunian and foggy it all becomes when one is in it. :) thanks again.
A
female
reader, Trinklett  +, writes (15 September 2011):
 I think he has taken this as a fwb situation. Yes he enjoys your company but this man is not ready to commit which is what you're looking for. I wouldn't advice talking with him especially not after that trip to your place and sending a 'checking in message'. For him to call later proves he knows exactly what he's doing. He obviously doesn't care about your feelings or he would have laid he's cards on the table by now. Either positively or negatively for you to know. I think its time for you to move on.
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (15 September 2011):
 You know what is going on, but you are in denial. You like him and want to have a relationship.
There is nothing wrong with that, but you won’t get it from him. He has enjoyed a casual, but fun fling for so long. Thirty year old men are young. He is probably not even looking for a soul-mate.
This is not an insult to you. He isn’t trying to be malicious. He genuinely enjoys your company, or it would have ended long ago. He just doesn’t want more than what you have.
It’s disappointing, but you sound like a strong and fascinating woman and once you stop wasting your time with this one, you will be open to finding what you want elsewhere.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (15 September 2011):
 You like him... you think?
Could he be feeling the exact same way about you?
You both clearly have fun together, but that's the one thing that would be missing if you both became more than just a fling... you wouldn't be together, geographically at least. If you were to get together then something would have to give eventually... someone would have to give up their job and move. Its messy and not a decision one makes lightly.
Lets say, hypothetically, that you lived down the street from him... do you really think you guys wouldn't be more by now, or at least have given it a good crack?
Long distance relationships suck.
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