A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a long distance relationship for almost 4 years now and it only worked out 'cause ever since we started dating, i've been doing every thing he wants. For example, in the first year that we were together, he was insecure and didn't trust me (even though i never cheated or lied to him), so stoped going out with my friends. Things always had to be his way. We went to restaurant he wanted to go, and hanged out with his friends... he was (still is) selfish and i spoiled him.About six months ago, I realized I couldn't take it anymore. I was fed up of always doing things he wanted to do and I missed my friends. So, we talked and he took it better than I expected. The thing is, ever since i started going out more and making more friends, a realized that when i'm away from my bf, i don't miss him. I keep thinking that he's not the person i want to spend my life with...I thought about breaking up with him, but every time i do, i end up calling him and telling him how much i love him, and it doesn't make sence, 'cause i don't know what i feel about him anymore.So, should i break up with my boyfriend and try to keep an oped door to someone who might make me happier or stay with him and try to make it work out? i'm really confused and don't know what to do!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009): I will chime in on this question since I have had a great deal of experience with long distance relationships. In fact, I am in the midst of a long distance relationship at the moment, and we have been together for about five and a half years now. First, I must say that long distance relationships obviously require a great deal of trust. Additionally, they require a great deal of dedication on the part of both parties. Just because my girlfriend and I are separated by several hundred miles does not mean that we expect each other to lock ourselves in our apartments and severe ties with the outside world. We trust each other and love each other very much. In fact, we encourage each other to get out and surround ourselves with friends and family whenever we can. Now, if you honestly feel as if you do not love him anymore, then perhaps it is time to call it quits. However, do you feel as if you do not love him simply because of the complications of the long distance relationship, or do you genuinely lack such feelings? There are many things you can do to improve your relationship via long distance. You can talk to each other every day at a predetermined time via telephone or Skype (then you can actually see each other too), you can write letters (letters are more personal than email), you can send each other things, watch the same TV show at the same time and then talk about it, etc. The important thing is not that you seclude yourselves from the outside world due to lack of trust, but that you set aside some time to maintain your relationship from a distance. Of course, it helps to visit each other as well whenever possible. Anyways, I hope this has helped and I wish you luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009): Honey, I might be wrong, but what hit me is this:
You were trapped in the relationship. Things weren't good. You had a problem. You talked to him about it, and strangely enough he's supportive of you, agrees, and you get to have your share of fun again. There is no issue in the relationship and everyone's happy. But for years now your life has centered around him. You are not prepared for what happens when you start going out again, being social, and once more, your life if not all about him and his needs. This is GOOD. Not bad. But you're not used to it. Before, he was your only source of happiness, he was the only one you'd hang out with. Now, you have more things in life that makes you happy. So you start to think that maybe he's not really making you happy anymore.
Well, is he making you miserable? Nopes. I think he is making you happy. But you're so blinded by all these new feelings of joy in your life, finally living again, that you are overwhelmed. But what happens if/when these new feelings of happiness fade? What if the new friends you make turn out to be idiots and screw you over? He'll be there to support you wont he? He'll be there to make you feel good again?
For now, I believe you are just taken back with all the new impressions and feelings. They are great, don't get me wrong. Circling your life around your boyfriend isn't a great plan, for a multiple of reasons. But dumping him just because you have friends that make you happy doesnt ring well either.
And as for "try to make things work" they sound like they work just fine.
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