A
female
age
41-50,
*ostinbliss
writes:ONLINE dating questionSituation: met a guy on a online dating site. Super hot and educated...real busy though...seemed really into me but he lives in chicago n me cali. When we talk, he mostly talks about his work and some worthless conversation. He never really asks questions to get to know who i am or doesnt tell me much about his past. Tonight i told him he is difficult to get to know aND its even more difficult cause he is chicago. He took offense to it and started blabbing off like if i am not worth your time and maybe your not worth my time etc...he also was like relationship are risks and you have to just have a wait and see attitude. Anyways after he said all that he said he had to go. Well i felt bad but i just couldnt handle not knowing he this guy is and having a long distance online dating match seemed not quite what i wanted. What are people's experiences with this??
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female
reader, lostinbliss +, writes (6 October 2010):
lostinbliss is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes there are a million guys in cali and i dont do online dating...this was jus a one night bored random thing to sign up on a site oh goooosh curiosity killed the cow in this case!!
A
female
reader, lostinbliss +, writes (6 October 2010):
lostinbliss is verified as being by the original poster of the question
hi LilPixie
Yes he was having a norm convo but through his texts it got sexual and asked me for sexy pics cuz he sent me some of him...grant it he have a model body with a six pack and is super hot but on 2 occasion he was sexting me. OMg and then he refered to sex alot. I just figured he ws all about that and told him im not down for being ur out of state booty call. He alwys replied im just joking with you...but it is probably what he wanted.
I text him few hours after the incident happen (the wanting to get to know him incident) n saiid i think he misinterpreted what i was saying and the nxt day he replied earlier in the a.m. that its all good babe. so whatever we all know he ws pissed. I kind of know about know about his hobbies and music likes but i was talking about getting to know his person who he is because it seemeed like he was a closed book even though he could talk up a storm
Oh wow your experience turned out great!!! you got lucky congrats!
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A
female
reader, lostinbliss +, writes (6 October 2010):
lostinbliss is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Hi chigirl
I agree with you when u said that LDR can only work when the goal is to be together one day. At this point with this guy its undetermined. I also agree two people need to be willing to do whatever it takes to make a LDR work and be able to get to know one another.
When you said that this man is not capable of having a LDR. I can see that now. You are right he may talk to me all day but it is just at an an aquintance surface talk level...even though he calls me babe n baby its still what it is.
Thanks for pointing out that I did the right thing with regards to asking him bout getting to know him at a deeper level...and how he got offended and started rambling on in a sorta mad way...i agree with you that communication is key and that that example showed me that he couldn't handle the complexities and qualities needed to have one.
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A
female
reader, lostinbliss +, writes (6 October 2010):
lostinbliss is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Everyone that replied thank you soooo much for your insightful and sincere thoughts about this issue. Every point made is correct.
Hi sexlessintheuk
with this guy he did take an interest...texting non stop and calling every other day... acutally i found him quite interesting and intelligent with lots to talk about minus his peronal life and past...only found out a little bit in our first talking encounter via email. After that it was dead. But it seemed like he like to hear himself talk....cuz all he talked about was work and then sometimes he got on the sex tip. After two days he wanted me to come see him in chicago to see if there is any potential b/w us but i told him i dont even know him!! n was like omg are you serious!!! He was cool with it. But after a week of conversing back and forth...i saw he didn't talk about me or my life or ask questions and that ws a red flag.
You mentioned thhat It's so easy to imagine someone as we want them to be, and to see things through rose tinted spectacles when you have not met them. I totally agree with you cause you see their pic and think of how they are and would be and draw up a whole scenario in your head.
Thks for you input...it was not harsh at all it was real and i appreciate that!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 Long distancerelationships can only work when you have a goal to actually be together at some point, and you need two people who are able to have a long-distance relationship.
Im sorry but this man just isn't capable of that. First off you barely know him, because he's not interested in moving past aquaintance. Maybe he doesn't feel ready yet. But either way you did the right thing by simply asking him about it, and wanting a conversation at a deeper level. Him getting offended by this is a perfect example that he can not stand a long-distance relationship. Communication is a key in every relationship, but even more so in a long-distance one. Because in LDR, all you have is communication. You don't get intimacy, kissed, activities together. All you have is talking and communicating. And when he shows he is unable to have a serious conversation, or solve a conflict without taking offense and getting rude, he shows that he is not fit for this type of relationship.
I think it is a dead end and you should let this man go and find someone else. Online relationships and LDR can work, but not with this man.
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A
female
reader, LilPixie  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 Well one thing I like about this guy is that he was having a normal convo, like nothing about sex I mean. I've talked to quite a lot of guys online and although some of them were quite good to just talk to, most of them only wanted to talk about sex and go on cam and what not.
Next time he's online I would tell him that you weren't trying to offend him, that you just wanna know a little more about him like what his hobbies are and what he likes to do if doesn't have to work, what kind of music or films he likes. You can't really do more other than apologise and see how things go from there.
As for my own experiences, at one point there was one guy who I was talking to for quite a while, he was always saying that he's starting to really like me and wants to meet up (we didn't even live that far away from each other). So one day I got my best friend to talk to him as well to see what she thought of him... Well let's just say that's where a little love-triangle started forming. Anyway, he randomly just stopped talking to both of us one day and I've not heard from him since. A couple of months later I started talking to someone else and we got on really well, one thing led to another and we've now been together for over 1.5 years and I recently moved in with him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): Dump him.
There are how many million people in California? Find a local to have this kind of 'slow burn' relationship.
Love should be about passion and joy... not what you've described.
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