A
female
age
41-50,
*unystar1
writes:Hi everyone. I really need help and advice. I have been having some serious problems with family. I have a mother in law who claims she is a religious christian follower, but what a hypocrite she is. She is constantly doing things to make me feel unwelcomed and not part of the family. She denies my children, her grandchildren. Why? Because my husband had 2 children prior as I did. He cheated on me with his son's mother. I found out when I was 4 months pregnant and it was to late to get out of the relationship. I had a child on the way and I am also living with a chronic life threatening neurological illness. Had I known then, I probably would have had an abortion as to not risk my life for this man who lied to me and broke my heart. My mother in law was made aware of the infidelity and instead of supporting me, she supported his X. They have teamed up on me with other members of the family to try to make me look like the bad guy and homewrecker. They play many games and are very disrespectful. Everything that has been done, he agree's with me on the motives and behaviors. As well as what their intentions are. His way to handle it is to shut them all out including the children he had prior. She uses the child as her tool to destory and control. He does not want to participate in immature games and cause any more dysfunction for the child being used right now as her way to stay connected in his life, daily. When she found out I was pregnant, she began to go around his family more and more. She got them to see her as the victim, yet after the affair, I still payed for the trips to visit. It was after a year that I called out the game play and said enough. Long story short, he knows that his X is up to no good and has been. There is a part of her that just wants her child to know that side, but she has created many lost moments from her deceitful ways. I want him to confront all of them about their behaviors and motives. In hopes that they will see that he see's what they are doing and he is not stupid. Maybe it will stop once he calls them out. The bible says we are to confront sin. I have tried to shed light on many things with them in love. I have never belittled any of them. I always open my heart back up after being hurt to give it another try, being the bigger person and remembering that love never gives up. Should we just stop all communication and wait for them to approach us with apologies once they figure it all out? Or am I wrong for asking him after 4 years to confont all that has been done and said? Thanks
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abortion, affair, cheated on me, christian, immature, infidelity Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (15 October 2010):
 I can only repeat:
Four years is a long time for a situation to be dragging on, and I believe it is going to take almost as long to repair the damage that has been done.
Seek professional help, this issue is too big to be solved on your own.
A
female
reader, Sunystar1 +, writes (14 October 2010):
Sunystar1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Okay, so with all I have shared, guess what he just did. I have always taken care of all the major issues needing intelligence. He just had something come up and I was on my way to the dr's when he called me. I didn't say, "Oh honey, I'll take care of it like I have everything else!" 4 mins after we hung up, he called his MOMMY! yet he is the one telling me not to interact with her. I feel that he just opened tons of doors. One, she still has authority in our lives. 2. I continue to look like the one telling HIM he can not talk to them. 3. Suspicions on full alert that he is just using me and making the best of it for his benefit and his whole family knows it. Other than that, he never calls them unless there is a problem. Don't they see that he is just a user. He never calls just to say hi and never called to tell them of our childrens birth. I just cant stand this anymore. Something is really not right here. How can I find out the real truth??? I want the whole family to sit in a room and hash it all out. I want to see if she is this real christian and will speak truth. And at the same time, I just feel to good for them now. I have tried so hard to be the bigger person following the laws of GOD and they just do the same shit over and over. I just want out. He can go back and be his mommy's husband. He is such a lil boy still !
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (4 October 2010):
I think these issues here are too big for this site to adequately cover. You and your husband need to consider some couples counselling which will give you both the tools needed to deal with these negative people in your lives, to deal with them in a positive way.
Four years is a long time for a situation to be dragging on, and I beleive it is going to take almost as long to repair the damage that has been done.
Seek professional help, good luck to you both!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): Seek professional help... a therapist.
There is a lot going on in there... and I doubt your mother in law is the major issue.
Sounds majorly poisonous all around.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): Yeah ask him
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