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male
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*obeyG
writes: What do you do when your girlfriend seems to not love you anymore for no apparent reason?My girlfriend and i have been in a relationship for a few years now, about half of it has been long distance, but we've got used to the situation and although its always tough to say goodbye, our relationship and love for eachother hasnt been affected- in fact i guess its made it stronger.We have talked in person and on the phone and in letters and emails about how we want to marry and have kids, and i know my girlfriend really meant these things when she said it. She has told me so many times how she feels and it was always great to hear how happy id made her.but just in the last couple of weeks she has seemed kind of distant.- on the phone she doesnt say much and i have to work hard to get her to say anything nice and she doesnt respond in a positive way when i say "i love you" and such.. her emails have become abrupt and snappy, as if my contact is a hassle to her.And then on the phone last night she said she "doesnt know" if she loves me anymore, followed by an email this morning saying shes "really not sure about our relationship" and it makes her "exhausted and down" to think about it.I really really dont understand why shes having doubts or why she doesnt feel for me so much lately, because nothing has changed- weve been fine and ive done nothing or said nothing unpleasant towards her and she agreed.I love her so much and cant bear the thought of breaking up, but i have decided to not hassle her .... but to keep my distance and not get in touch with her for a while, a couple of weeks maybe, is a good idea?I cannot bear the thought of losing her one bit- what, if anything, could i do to reconcile the relationship, without even knowing whats gone wrong?- i i really dont what it to pitter out this wayHelp me, thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2006): Listen, man. I know exactly what you are going through. I was in a long distance relationship just recently. I found out that my girl got pregnant for some guy at her work. She was 4 months pregnant at least and she never told me anything. I was so humilated and devasted when I found out. I called her to ask her if it was true and she never answered me. Instead she wanted to know who told me. Love is so fucked up. How the hell do you trust anymore. Looking back it did seem like we were getting more distant but I remember telling her if it ever got to hard to let me know before cheating on me. The result...I lost my best friend and lover in the same day. In my experience, long distance realtionships don't work.
A
female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (29 April 2006):
 find out what is wrong and why he is doing this ?Ask him wherher he has another woman? and to be straight with you.
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A
reader, jo_betty_smith  +, writes (29 April 2006):
 How come this relationship is long distance, and were you due to be back together in the same location at some point or was it indefinite long distance?
It's hard to know why your girlfriend is suddenly drifting from you because she's not really given you much to go on. The first thing that I could think of is that it's obviously very painful to be apart from the one that you love, so it could be that she has pulled away from you emotionally as a way to cope with being away from you geographically.
I think giving her space to think about it is probably for the best - but maybe you need to ask her how she wants to move forward and see what she would prefer. What I mean is that if this has come about because she's having difficulty being so far away from you, then what might help getting things back on track is more definite plans for the future so that you've got actual timescales and things you are aiming for.
I would let her know that you'd like to talk about things as soon as she is ready - so that once she's had a bit of time to think about what has brought this on and is ready to explain things to you she knows you'll be there to talk about it.
If, worst case scenario, she has started to change her mind about you and is no longer sure about a future with you, regardless of whether you are together geographically, then there probably isn't anything you can really do to change her mind, but you need her to tell you if that's the case.
If it is down to her having trouble dealing with being so far away from you, I'm also in a long distance relationship, and I got a lot of advice from books and online about imaginative ways to stay close to each other and care packages you can send in the mail so it still feels like you are living your life together.
I hope that things work out, and get in touch if you want any tips for ways to cope in a Long Distance Relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2006): I am in the same situation. I know how the girl feels. She just want you by her side. When you are away from someone for a period of time that feelings of lonelyness, insecurity, and like the other is drifting away always presents itself. My boyfriend and I are together for 11 years and most of the that time together is long distance. He is away as we speaks. I feel so lonely and prostrated with the situation at times that sometimes I feel to find someone else. I love him and all put lately I dont feel like love is enough. So I know how your girfiend feels. You need to try so spend more time together than apart, once you do that the girl will feel love
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