A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I started talking to this boy I like who is in one of my university classes. I want to be FWB for now as we are both about to start a new program that is going to last almost two years and will be very busy for a real relationship. I'd love to be something more in the future and if it happens that would be great but for now I'd strictly like to be FWB. He told me he wants to have sex but yet he does not want to hurt me. He said he is not the kind of guy to have sex with a girl and then disappear. What is he trying to say? I am confused, even he had a hard time telling me after I told him I was confused. Isn't he contradicting himself? What does he want?Ahhhhhh I don't know
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 March 2013):
 I’m joining the chorus of “don’t do it”
When I met my hubby I offered him FWB and I meant it. He said “what single guy would be crazy enough to turn down NSA sex?” and he’s right…
The problem with your situation is you LIKE this boy. “I’d love to be something more in the future” is going to be your downfall if you have sex with him.
He sounds honorable when he tells you that he does not want to hurt you but he would gladly have sex with you. The old saying is “a woman needs a reason to have sex (you like him) a guy just needs a place”
What he is trying to say to you is this: “I like you enough to fuck you but not enough to have a relationship with you and if you have sex with me you will fall in love and get hurt when I walk away like I said I would.”
It’s not confusing at all, you just don’t want to hear him.
I don’t see any contradiction is what he’s saying at all.
What does he want? He wants to get laid and not have a relationship with you EVER.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 March 2013):
 I think he has the idea that you MIGHT at some point in time want more then just sex. And he doesn't see you that way.
He'd like to screw you, but he is worried that sex will make you start having feelings for him. And I think he is right.
If you "think" you "might" want to date him in the future, then DO NOT have casual sex with him.
It's rare that FWB or F-buddy relationships will evolve into a "real relationship". From what I have seen most guys don't want to date a girl who is OK with just "screwing" around. And a lot of girls DO get emotionally attached after sex. Maybe not from the first roll in the hay but down the line. Lines get blurred. Then you screw, later cuddle and talk - guys do it because it feel comfortable, girls because they think they are bonding.
Do make sex something casual, like getting a latte.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (21 March 2013):
 he's basically saying he wants to get you in the sack but he fears you're going to get attached and he doesn't want to be that guy to hurt you.
basically, i just think this guy wants to make sure you're both on the same page. so you need to make sure that's absolutely what you want, also.
are you sure you really want a friends with benefits relationship from him? because if you tell him that's what you want and you two begin doing that, and you develop feelings and hope to change his mind about a relationship, you're just asking for trouble.
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A
female
reader, Starlasart +, writes (21 March 2013):
 One Night Stand, Booty Call, Fuck Buddies, Friends with Benefits, Boyfriend/Girlfriend... These are only a few basic relationship types. Many of these types have different names associated with them. However, the name or the description is not of highest priority. The important point of defining your role in a relationship is to be able to get your needs and wants met. By communicating with your partner, one is able to better function within the relationship. Games, manipulation, unrealistic expectations, and jealousy can be somewhat avoided if each person is clear with what they’re looking for. Then more energy can be spent in getting the most out of the relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): "I want to be FWB for now"
"I'd love to be something more in the future" In other words you really like this guy and want to fuck him so he'll fall in love with you in the future. That's not fuck buddies OP, you're asking him for a relationship.
He's trying to say there is no future, so he's not going to get with a girl as fuck buddies who he knows wants something more because he's either a nice guy or he doesn't want the emotional drama you'll no doubt bring to this "the opposite of casual and what fuck buddies is supposed to be" arrangement.
"Fuck buddies for now" OP is called "dating".
OP fuck buddies are strictly casual, no feelings, no future just to scratch an itch until you find someone you really want to be with.
This guy is doing you a favour OP, and being smart you can't be fuck buddies when you want more. You will get hurt because as he said his only intentions for the future would be to fuck you and leave you, that's it, he's made it clear there's to be no relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): "He told me he wants to have sex but yet he does not want to hurt me. He said he is not the kind of guy to have sex with a girl and then disappear"
Perhaps you might classify this as a "contradiction", but I would see this as the very common "mixed" feeling.
You seem to have the next 2 years mapped out and have stated you don't want any committed relationship for the near future. He's essentially saying that's while he enjoys sex, the non-committed relationship is not his style.
You seem to bothered by the fact that he's got contradicting impulses, but I don't think you can appreciate his own contradictions until you own up to yours.
As YouWish said, if you have any future aspirations for this guy in a far off distant future that is more convenient to your life schedule, FWB will not work.
I think he gave you enough information to make a decision about whether he'd be a good candidate for a FWB relationship. He likes the sex, buy he doesn't want a casual relationship. I would guess that means he won't work out for you....or perhaps you don't really want a FWB?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 March 2013):
 You said:
"I'd love to be something more in the future..."
Stop right there. You cannot do an FWB with this guy if you want this. You will be really hurt, and the guy you want an FWB with knows it, which is why he said that to you. He does NOT want more, and that's the only attitude that can get you into an FWB.
Never get into an FWB if you're wanting more. Only get into one if you DON'T want more and this is a simple sexual relief thing, and the guy means nothing more than your vibrator to you...a tool.
Feelings or hopes have no place in FWB. A relationship is NOT the natural next step, nor should you ever hope that being in an FWB might make your partner consider more. Usually the opposite is true.
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