A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so here's the deal:About a week ago I found out that my long-distance boyfriend of 4 months was cheating on me the whole time we were dating. He had another girlfriend where he lived who knew about me and said he "needed someone better". I later asked him if he thought he did and he said he just "needed someone there". Then, when I asked him why he led me on like that, he said he still wanted me there. I found out from his friend that he "kind of felt bad but it didn't bother him too much". How do I get over this guy? I feel like he's not worth my time but I thought I loved him and I still think I might have feelings for him because I'm still waiting for him to call but I have no idea what I want him to say. Someone please help me!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): Honey, this is the problem with long distance relationships... This is the exact reason why they're not advisable, but that doesn't stop the pain you're feeling.
You really need to start by telling yourself, ''look, no matter how much I wanted him, I don't want him any more. He's incapable of being faithful, and if this is how high he values women, then I deserve better. If I can't have him, I shouldn't do exactly what he wants and let my heart break over him.'' The first step is, should I say, persuade, yourself to think like this, and tell yourself this again and again. If you can manage it, go out for a night out with the girls, and wear some sexy underwear. Obviously, nobody has to see this underwear! But it will make you feel more confident and sexy. I think this is what you need - to regain the ability to be able to know that he's not there, but you can do fine.
It's the famous old story, he ''needs someone there''. Well, I'm sure you can understand this, as hard as it may be to take sides with the 'bad guy'. But you just need to do your best, because I know from what you've described that you deserve so much more. Find someone that you can see, that treats you properly, and can respect you. You're young, you have your whole life ahead. Think of it as a learning curve, and in the end, you may even thank him for it. Good luck :]
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): I'm afraid this is a hard lesson to learn that loving someone does not automatically mean that the relationship will 'be' or is right. In this case, fortunately in some respects, you have at least had the space to see that he has effectively left you and been a cheat.... You may find that there is no real reason that will ever satisfy you regarding his actions but eventually with time it will soften and you can let it go. One thing I would say is that his girlfriend cannot think much of herself really if she was prepared to let him cheat on her (with you) and in any case..... what is their relationship now built on? A pack of lies. One day his girlfriend will wake up and be in your shoes because he sounds like the kind of person who only feels a little bit 'bad' about these kind of things so it doesn't say much for THEIR future. Be kind to yourself - I think you are best not in a relationship with a cheat. It would destroy you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): Join online dating. U will soon forget him. Plenty of geezers localy too.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (12 February 2008):
 Do you think such a situation is tenable? Can you accept that logic? He has someone there besides him while you are somewhere in outer space.
If you really love him , you could be blind to this fact.
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