A
female
age
51-59,
*jjj
writes:I was in a relationship with a lebanese guy for over 2 yrs. met on a dating site for age gap relationships (hes 25, im 43). after a few weeks, we were inseparable. hes christian and im from the uk. leb society doesnt accept unusual relationships, hes unconventional and didnt like women his own age. wanted someone mature who was natural, not false or plastic as he would say, like many of the women in his own country. he didnt want children and always fancied british and european women, his brother is married to a european girl also. he was too shy to approach any older women, so went on the internet for the first time and that is how we met. we fell in love and talked every day/night on cam, phone and skype. tried to meet twice but it fell thru due to our jobs, then after 16 mths we had 2 weeks together in turkey and were inseparable from the moment we met. he told me about his fear of marriage and kids because of illness issues in his family which he didnt want passed on. he wasnt ready for a family and didnt think that he ever would be so finding someone who wanted the same as him was better. i knew all this and still loved him. i had similar issues with my father which is why i understood more. i didnt want kids either, so it worked. he told me due to leb society there wouldnt be a future for us there cos of the age gap and people would be nasty to us. he said our only option was europe or the uk where it would be accepted more and he would definitley come to the uk for me and we would live together. marriage would be hard as he had demons to conquer, but we would have a future. no matter what he wouldnt let me go and would fight for me no matter what his family said. after our holiday we knew we wanted a life together and tried to meet again 2 mths later but job issues stopped it. we decided to wait a few more months. we knew that in order to be together we would have to get married so decided we would get engaged and then get married at a later stage. visa issues meant that turkey was the only place we could meet as it was visa free for him. his family had not known about me, cos he needed to be sure of his feelings when he met me for real. so when he went back home after our holiday, he revealed the whole story to his parents, except my age. at first they were ok about me, but when he told them my age, they went nuts. he knew it would be a challenge cos of our age gap and said he would face an uphill struggle with his family but he would really try for us. i understood this and had hoped that his family would be ok. they said i was too old for him and couldnt believe he had done this to them and that they would disown him if he didnt let me go. he argued with them and fought with them for 4 mths. they made him feel guilt and told him things to do with the family bond that were too much for him to bear and he rung me and said he couldnt do it anymore and he had to let me go.he didnt want to lose me in his life ever and wanted to be my best friend. he still loved me, always would, but we couldnt have this relationship anymore and had to be friends. he wanted to give me more and wasnt happy but couldnt because of his family. he was torn with guilt for hurting me and letting me down but had to keep his family. he said i couldnt understand it cos it was about family bonding and that the family were more important than the individuals needs. he would never love anyone as much as me, but it would never work without losing a lot. he has cried so many times on cam to me and even now as im writing this we have spoken tonight and still love each other so much. im devastated and know that i wont meet anyone like him again. he said had no choice and that if he had gone with me his family would have never forgiven him. his mother said to stop it and end it and that it was either her or me. i just cant believe its over. he said he feels so guilty cos he never kept his promise to me but when it came down to the reality it was so much harder than he ever imagined and that he couldnt do it. i dont know what to think anymore. he said he never stopped loving me, he still does and will as long as he lives. he doesnt want to see anyone and has shut himself off from everyone. his mother knows we are over and is happy now. he said he has hurt himself and me and thought he could convince her but in the end she won and i lost. his friends are sad for him and said that circumstances ended it for us. i dont get it, he met me knowing the culture and 2 yrs on, look at us now. i feel like the best person in my life has gone. ive had 6 relationships before and not one has been like this. i can honestly say that there wasnt a single thing about him that i didnt like, but i also know that i didnt know the real him, i mean as in his own environment on a daily basis. maybe if i had, i wouldnt have liked him as much, but i feel like my chance of ever knowing that was taken away from me. i cant believe that a couple who love each other can be separated cos someone wasnt strong enough in the end to stand up to their parents and show them that they loved someone and wanted them. i also cant believe that a stupid thing like age, which is only a number, can destroy a couple. i only look about 34 and he looks about 28. we were so matched in everything and it felt like we had known each other for years when we met and how close we were, but i can also understand how hard it was for him too. please give me some advice. im dying inside.
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best friend, christian, engaged, fell in love, shy, the internet, want children Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2011): I am going through what you are going through dear...I am 43 too.....i.e.'67 born and he is 25 i.e.'86 born...I pray to God that you stay well and be happy and move on which I am trying to do at present.....God bless you dear.....
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011): You are going to have to cut him out of your life and move on.You can't spend your life wasting away, pining for a man who is too cowardly to tell his parents to sod off.If my mother EVER offered me an ultimatum like that, I would choose against her out of spite because I would be offended that she even tried to make me choose.NO ONE has the right to disown you for disagreeing with them. No one has the right to have that power.Family IS important, but at some point a man has to stand alone, he has to take what he has learned from his family into the world, whether or not his family likes it.He made his choice and he chose the cowards way and now, byt talking to you, crying with you, he is trying to keep you in his life, and this prevents you and him from healing and moving on.Find someone much more worthy of your attention.Flynn 24
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