A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I need some advice and honest opinion from you guys.. I'm 25 yo woman lonely without friends. I used to have so many friends to hang out and socialize much back then at college. But then there's some issues between us. After graduated, I always stay at home and don't have any other activities beside helping parent business and outings with family and boyfriend (that's only 2 days a week). I have no social life since then, because I don't meet new people and I still don't realize and feel comfortable with that until lately I break up with my boyfriend and start to play instagram ( yes, you read it right, I just started to play ig, I know that's sucks, I'm so left out). I just realized that my life is so sucks and lonely. I want my social life back, I want to have friends to hang out with, to share things with. I feel so insecure and down now. My boyfriend also doesn't has many close friend now and I know he's lonely and struggle to find his true self now. Our relationship is rocky as we both depressed but he's trying to fix things up. Honestly, I don't like that he changed so much, his appearance and his mindset changed until I feel not so comfortable around him. I know he love me but I can't accept the fact that he changed, he become more aware of his appearance, his style, and tend to follow the trend. I don't know I just dislike it. I feel something strange as he's not kind of man who so aware of his apperance for years we've been together.I have friends to talk to now, not a really close friend and hardly meet up. I just want a new social life, start over from 0. What activity, suggestion and ideas for meeting new people? I plan to join cooking class which I love cooking, hoping to meet new people in the same interest but I have some issues in building friendship with other.. Sometimes I think that I'm not attractive and left out so that nobody likes me. What can I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI planned to join cooking class, but that's a one on one teaching method, so I think I'm not able to talk to other student? I want to reconnect with my old friends, but they seems not interested in me and I feel so left out and not connected to outside changes as I'm not socializing for about 2 years. I think the most effective way to meet new people is by worship, I thought people are propably more welcoming there. Problem is, I can't go there alone and need my brother to drop me there. But I'm not used to go places like that and maybe I would get questions from my family. How do I ask and tell them about my situation without making them worry?My boyfriend is kind to me, but I feel he's not really 100 percent into me now since our break up. I know he still loves me, but the way he treat me and the decision he made shows that I'm not really his priority anymore. But I can understand that people changes and that's still acceptable as I'm not a really good girlfriend for him for 5 years, he just realized and tired of me but can't let go of me because his feeling for me.I just feel so lonely right now. I think the first I need is social life so that I can be a better person and automatically become more attractive as I have many things to talk to with my boyfriend and we can get out from this boredom and I don't be a clingy and needy girlfriend for him anymore because I have things to do too. Can someone please give me more advice and honest opinion? Thankss..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): Hi-I haven't really got any suggestions but just wanted to let you know that there are others in the same situation-I'm a 26 yo woman and I have no friends! I have a bf but he is horrible to me and I've always been shy but losing contact with friends and not socializing has made it a lot worse,I know how you feel-sometimes I feel so shy that I'm embarrassed to go to the shop because I'd have to interact with the cashier while paying for my stuff! I'm not even on facebook so my life sucks worse than yours lol
All I can say is that the shyness and loneliness gets worse the longer you leave it so you need to do something about your social life now.And it's not because your ugly either-I used to think that but once when drunk I uploaded a photo on a modelling site to see what they would say,and to my amazement I got loads of offers of work and it turned out to be quite profitable until I got too shy to carry on with it lol
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (14 December 2014):
Try joining an amateur theatre company. That way you can meet a whole range of people of all ages.And you don't have to be able to act - there's a whole host of stuff that goes on backstage too.Amateur theatre groups also need people withCarpentry skills - to build the set.Artistic skills - to paint the set, to design posters and programmes, to decorate and dress the stage to make it look like a 1970's kitchen or a Far Eastern hareem.Fashion design and sewing skills - to make or hire all those lovely costumes.Computing skills - to maintain the company's database and website and online ticket salesPhotography and video-making skills - for publicity photographs and films.Electrical skills - to wire up speakers and rig the lightsBusiness and management skills - organising theatre hires, liaising with the local newspapers to advertise shows, balancing the books.Writing skills - some companies like being able to put on shows that their own members have written or adapted, writing press releases or articles for the programmeFriendly face skills - to greet the audience, sell them programmes and show them where the loos are.Some larger companies will offer a hands-on training of a sort so you don't have to know all about it when you start - you just have to be keen to learn and get stuck-in.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): Not liking the fact that your ex-boyfriend wanted to improve his appearance, and rebuild his self-esteem makes absolutely no sense. You didn't like it because you felt he was pressuring you to do the same. He realized that he had to change; if he wanted things to be different for his social-life. He was trying to grow. Boost his confidence.
You have no friends; because you're not socially active. If you do decide to join a cooking class, you have to be friendly, and outgoing. If you huddle in a corner, people will leave you alone. If you don't make yourself visible, no one will notice you. Being visible is how people realize you're available. Shyness is something we have in childhood we have to overcome with maturity and determination. Face your fears. Don't give into it. It deprives you of your basic human needs. We naturally crave companionship. Not only romantic connections. Humans are social animals.
Feeling you're unattractive should motivate you to get a makeover and do what your boyfriend did. People always pull out the "I'm unattractive card;" when they don't want to take a little responsibility for building their own self-esteem. You can't rely on others for validation, compliments, and approval. You have to approve of yourself first. Something about yourself you don't like that can be fixed, fix it. If you can't, and nature did it to you, live with it. You have to love yourself, in order to be loveable.
Self-love is what creates the magnetism necessary to draw friends. It puts a smile on your face, you glow, and give-off a positive vibe.
Accept invitations to Holiday socials. Look up your friends and pay them a visit. Have lunch or coffee. If you burned a few bridges behind you, holidays are a good time to mend things. People are in a more festive and congenial mood.
Turn to family. There is always an older person in the family who doesn't get a lot of visitors. Would love a box of cookies or chocolates, and to be taken out for a meal.
You're feeling the "after-the-breakup" pre-holiday blues. So fill the sadness and depression with family. Join a gym and start working out. You can join a jazzercise or dancercize class, it doesn't mean you have to lift weights.
Your life has slowed-down; because you hide behind walls and digital screens. That turns you into a hermit. Time to come out of the shadows, regardless of how you look. Being beautiful isn't a prerequisite for making friends. You used to have a boyfriend, you were apparently attractive to someone. If you're resistant to change, stop complaining. Stay where you are.
If you worship, this is the time of year there are always holiday socials for members of the congregation. If there are events for young people,go! If you can participate in the planning of public events, volunteer. If there is a charity that needs a pair of hands, volunteer. You'll meet people with generous and kind spirits. If you do worship, and you hear of someone in the hospital; or a family had a recent loss? Go visit, and show your respects. It will lift your spirits, you'll do good, and it will get you used to making friends based on your personality, not how you look.
Being good to people is good practice. It makes you good friend-material. Not to mention good girlfriend and wifey material!
If you're lonely, all efforts made to meet new people are worth trying.
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