A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi there.. I've asked a question some time ago.. but I'll summarise everything and get to the point. So basically, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. And like recently we got into a fight and tbh we've argued about this before. like this could be like the 3rd time? and honestly, i've said the same damn thing as before about the situation. the thing is that he takes that me talking to guys is flirting. btw, when I started dating him the only person I actually kept in contact with was a long old friend and my girlfriends and obv him. But after a while I actually cut off my communication with my long old friend and he was okay with it. The main issue is that he keeps on thinking that I'm flirting with guys when I'm actually not. If I wanted to flirt around I wouldnt have chosen to date him cuz its plain wrong and disloyal. However, my boyfriend, he's super hard to read and he doesn't like to share how he feels when something is bothering him. Also, I feel like everytime we get into an argument about this problem he pushes the blame to me. If he is referring my talking as "flirting" then I can easily accuse him back. I'm the type of girl that wouldn't mind him talking to other girls in school (Not on cell unless its super necessary) and afterall we are in a coed school so yeah. I wouldnt mind it as long as no flirting and nothing is going on. I guess he is protective and all but I don't even know what to say to him now. I actually do love him very much and I know the word "love" is super strong but its what I feel right now. Everyone thinks that he's being a d*ck towards me and that he's not worth me. But I don't know how to respond to that cuz like i said i love him and care a lot about him. At the moment he is refusing to listen nor believe what i am saying. He has a problem with trusting people. He doesnt really trust me from the start. so it is quite tough. for the past few days ive been like holding myself together and hoping that I won't break down. I really dont want me and him to end honestly cuz its been a year and we've been through so much and we had so much good times and if we end now, its like giving up so easily and its just gonna hurt us both. I just came back from a party and he was there. And well I got a little drunk. (I'm not a frequent drinker, this is my second time drinking btw) he didnt even like acknowledge my presence but he did look at me a couple of times, idk maybe to check if i was okay or something. Apparently, he told the guys that he doesnt care and stuff and that hes just gonna stop talking to me and all that. But the guys are his friends and they are trying to help me out and stop him cuz they know what kind of guy he is and they can tell that he still loves me its just that he doesn't wanna admit it. But I aint sure of anything right now. Pls give me some advice on how to save my relationship... Its just gonna kill me if we ended. I'm already feeling like I might just break soon.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2014): Honey you say you love him but the way he acts isn't love. Your friends are right about you being worth more than this. It's actually really unhealthy behaviour accusing you of flirting etc... He might not be controlling at the minute but this is how it starts.
The best thing you could do for him is tell him that the way he acts is actually really wrong, you are an individual person and can do what you please with who you please and he should feel happy that you CHOSE to be with him. Let him know if you wanted to flirt with other people then you wouldn't be in a relationship end of.
I would go as far to say you should tell him that the way he talks to you is very unattractive and that you want a break from him. He might see how wrong he's been. There's loads of reasons boys act like this, maybe it's how his dad/father figure speaks to his mum or maybe it's how he thinks men behave - by telling their girlfriend who they can talk to and how they speak. Actually this is really wrong and the sooner he learns he will lose people because of it the better. In a relationship you should be happy, not just most of the time but at your age all of the time! When you're older and living with someone and the strains that brings then there are times it gets stressful but right now if the person you chose to be your bf doesn't treat you with respect and allow you to continue to grow as an individual then they don't deserve you.
I won't say you don't love him, it's very possible to love someone and find your future life partner at any age but deep down do you really think this guy is 100% right for you? Just ask yourself this and look at other relationships to see that as a woman you are worth more than being constantly accused of things you aren't doing - it's just a headache and he will think it's ok if you let him carry on.
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