A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello.I don't know how much longer I can put up with this. His family is starting to become a deal breaker for me. Right now, I live with my boyfriend and his family. We pay rent, we buy our own groceries, and we pay for whatever else we use. We both go to school and work, and have decided that living here was the best course of action until I got my degree which would take about 1-2 years, depending on how many classes I can take with my work schedule. Where we live is VERY convenient. We are close to the train station and my work. Please, I understand I sound like a complete snob, but please listen to me.Right now, moving is not an option. Rent is expensive (about 1300 for a two bedroom in a nice area) and there are chances we would not live close to a train station and I would need another job. We do not have friends that are looking to move out either, and do not want to share with people we do not know.First off, the house is a dump. When I first moved here, I knew it was sort of old and crappy, but I never imagined that it would be unclean as well. His father is a doctor but insists on fixing everything himself. He also only comes twice a week because of his work schedule, so it's not as if he truly lived here to see the mess. If I could show you pictures of the bathtub and sink, you would understand how I feel. There is mold, there is fungus. The sides of the tubs are falling out. Tiles on the floor are tearing off to reveal a lot of water damage beneath and a lot more icky stuff.The kitchen is slightly better. We have a mice problem. His mom and his two siblings often leave out food / dirty dishes.The next biggest problem is his dog. They have a 14 year old dog. He is incontinent and goes EVERYWHERE. There is #2 on the rug, the floor, the sofa, and sometimes on the bed. I have stepped in #1 and #2 OFTEN because sometimes it's dark and I just don't see it. #1 is soaked into the rugs and the smells stays in it. I am from out of state, so when my family comes over with my nephew, I am ashamed and embarrassed. I do not want him playing in areas that the dog has gone hours before we cleaned it. The last straw was when I put down a pile of clothes to fold, and he came over and peed right on it. He has also #2 in one pair of my shoes. I understand this is not his fault and he is just OLD, but my god. The worst part is when NO ONE cleans it.This is not my dog! My boyfriend's mom will let #2 and #1 SIT THERE FOR DAYS before she cleans it up. I am so sickened by the smell (because it's been there for so long) that I want nothing to do with cleaning it up anymore. I have asked that we put the dog in a corner with a dog gate up but I get a "No, he would cry too much."Next part is the food. We buy our own groceries. We spend about 80-100 per trip. His mother buys bread, canned soup, cheese, and crackers. His brother eats everything I make (so we never have leftovers). His sister is a little better, but still.. We were told from the beginning that we should buy our own groceries but his family is eating everything. We have ordered so much take out this year it's ridiculous. When my bf confronts them, they tell us they have not touched any food, etc.. which isn't true.I am so sorry. I know I sound so spoiled and immature and ungrateful, but I am seriously at my end right now. I want to pack up my things and just leave my boyfriend. I love him VERY much, I do, but I cannot handle living in this house with his family anymore. They are just so lazy and I feel that I'm in charge of making dinner and cleaning now - which I am. His mother has not made dinner ONCE. I asked her what was for dinner the other night since I saw she was making something, she said "Oh just shrimp cocktail, cheese and crackers."I want this to work. I want to be with him. But moving out, as I said is not an option, and I have been trying to live with this for a year. We have talked about moving closer to my family, but he is worried he would not find a good job there, and if he did find a good job, what if they fired him, etc. I really really need help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2014): Old dog can be a problem hygien wise, BUT there are ways to control his behavor. Even old dog can't have unlimited pee and poo on him. He needs to be taken out more often. When my dog was getting old we took him for a very slow walk literally six times a day. There were short walks, 5-10 min. Each but he never peed in a house.
You don't bring your rules into someone's house. While its disgusting the condition they live in, it's their house. The fact they eat all your food can be discussed with mother. Elaine to her that you can not afford to feed so many people. good luck
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 December 2014):
 Move out on your own. Your boyfriend will be devastated to hear you feel this way about his family, and sooner or later you will reveal it to him under this pressure. It will drive a wedge between you. So you can stay, ruin your own day and probably the relatiobship (he is blind to this as he is used to it, so will never understand you or choose you over family..) or you can move out. He doesnt gave ro cone along if its too difficult. And then get a bike, they are cheap, and will get you to the train station
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (18 December 2014):
 Well my question to you would be, why do you need a two bedroom place? If it's just the two of you, and you're obviously sleeping together, surely you can share a one bedroom apartment - for that matter, you could even get by with an efficiency apartment. College students often have to make sacrifices until they are through with school.
The conditions you're living in sound horribly disgusting, and I'm surprised that you're not willing to sacrifice a little on size and location of your living space, in order to get out of there.
You're boyfriend's family are not going to change, this is who they are. From how you've described the condition of the house and the filth they're wiling to live in, they have apparently been this way for quite a while.
For the sake of your sanity, as well as your relationship with your boyfriend, you need to re-evaluate just exactly what your living needs are. You may find you can do with a lot less space, in a less convenient location.
The only other option would be for you and your boyfriend to live apart until you finish school, and you then live with your family.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (18 December 2014):
 Read Honeypie again that is one smart cookie!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 December 2014):
 I can only SEE the option to MOVE out. AND maybe be a BIT less picky about the size and location of an apartment.
OR
SUCK it up. Ask your BF to pick up the dog crap, clean the bathroom yourself and have a fridge in your room with YOUR stuff. COOK enough for you and the BF OR suggest the MOM add some money for the groceries so you/bf can cook for everyone.
Living with family is hard. For several reasons, YOU move into THEIR house, with THEIR rules, and HOW they live. Now I understand you want THEM to change so YOU feel more comfortable, but IMHO it's a tad unreasonable. They obviously (and may I say ewww, frigging ewww) don't seem to mind dog #1 and #2 laying around, because this is HOW they live. The mom don't cook, again... this is how they live. The KIDS see YOU cook REAL food and OF COURSE they will WANT to eat that. Who wouldn't? I mean if cracker is the other option? Who would pick THAT over a home-cooked meal?
I have lived with family (hubby's - not mine) for 3 months and it was horrible. Not that they are bad people, but the ASSUMPTION that since we were staying there (paying for food for EVERYONE and electric/gas bill)- that I was also the "domestic" of the house - so the 3 (yes 3 ADULT 18+) daughter didn't lift a finger. NO ONE but ME cooked dinner, I had NO IDEA of WHO would BE there for dinner (how much to make) WHAT they would eat, and what time (our family have ALWAYS eaten at 6pm, because it WORKED for us)then there was all the chores - don't even get me started. MY kids 9-11-13 at the time, did the dishes, helped with laundry, and picking up the house - my BIL's "kids" and grand kids... did absolutely nothing.
I was READY to move back where we came from JUST to get out of there. Talk about nightmare. And then you have to add me having OCD (and yes being in uncomfortable and new situations make it flare up) made it even harder for me.
Now our situation was ONLY supposed to be short term, and thank goodness it WAS short term, or I think I would have started yelling at these "grown ass" LAZY cows. However I DO realize that not everyone live like I do. I like a CLEAN TIDY house, I like things JUST so. That is how I run my house. I understand that my BIL and his GROWN daughters don't. They "play" chicken with EVERYTHING. Which means they all try to ignore the dirty laundry (or only do their own if they have NO clean clothes) - they ignore dirty floor, dirty bathroom, dirty house, dishes.. you name it.. IN HOPES that someone else will NEED a clean plate and THUS must do dishes. Or need a clean towel and THUS must do a load or towels.
I'm not sure how old his brother and sister are, but I would seriously talk to your BF and suggest they start helping cook dinner and do chores, DO NOT take over the "domestic" role of the house, because YOU are already resenting your BF over this, you will resent everyone else too.
This IS WHY I say, the only GOOD option is for you and the BF to move out. This is NOT viable long term. And it's gross.
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