A
female
age
,
*oolbreaz
writes:I have been with a man for 12 years. He is an alocholic and drug addict. when he drinks he is very mean. he blames me for everything. when he is not drinking we have so much fun together that is only during the day. when night comes he starts drinking and doesn' know when to stop. He loves being around people that likes to party like him. the drugs and alcohol comes before anything. he is starting to blame me for everything, when I try to talk to him he says i'm fussing. what do i need to do? I love him so much but he is breaking my spirit.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): get your stiff together, salvage what money and valuables you can, get all the pertinent legal agreements (bills, lease, titles) and move the hell out.
You sticking around is enabling his disease. He'll likely have one of two reactions:
1. Beg for forgiveness, promise you ANYTHING you want to hear and make a 1 to 2 day effort to give it to you.
2. Be very pissed off, and tell you to go to hell and never come back.
Both are tactics that addicts use to manipulate their partners.
You need to get to Al-anon, and visit with some women who have walked in your shoes. They'll have plenty of sage advice, a smile and will probably be able to share with you dozens of stories that you'll be wondering how in the hell can they LAUGH about what happened to them... you know there's been healing when we can laugh about crazy stuff that used to make us cry... (you're going to have to trust me on this for now).
It's a wonderful group - if you don't think so, find the next nearest group and try them out... repeat until you feel at home (may take 2 or 3 test fits!).
Good luck! Remember, your first order is to take care of yourself, and allow him to do what he needs to do. he may need to drink and drug for some more time before he can wake up and seek recovery. All you can do is stay out of the way...
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (28 November 2010):
 I don't know too much about drugs, but I do know about living with an alcoholic. My ex husband is one. You can cry, scream, beg, threaten..but in all honestly, until they admit that they have a problem, there isn't much that you can do. I tried for years to get my husband to seek out help. He refused. Wound up in a nursing home near death with no liver left. Somehow made a miraculous recovery a year later, and is STILL an alcoholic. He like your husband was wonderful when sober, when drunk a mean, nasty horrible monster. I divorced him because I could see he didn't want help. I hope you will have better luck with your husband. You can always go to Al-Anon for yourself, but until he wants help..you can't help him.
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