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*elboy1681
writes:Until October last year I was living with my fiancé and our 2 little boys aged 3 and 1 but the oldest child has special needs and also he isn't my biological son but I treat him no different, love him as if he was my own and there isn't a day that doesn't go by were I don’t wish that he was my own little boy. My partner and I have been having problems due to the eldest Childs father demanding access but and being very underhand in trying to get what he wants. In the process it started to take it toll on my partner, our relationship and myself because I am also suffering from bpd, crohns disease, epilepsy and now I have found out my nervous system doesn't work properly. Last October things came to a head over the contact and my partner and I had a massive fight, things were said and we went our separate ways. I moved out of the family home and she went to her fathers house to tell him that we were finished. She was told by her father that he had hated me from day 1 and that she is well rid of me and that my family are weird because there is just something about us all. But we decided to try again, I went to meet her the day after and we talked and decided to make a go of it. But her father seen us and told her that if we got back together that was them finished and when I was told this I was willing to walk away so she could have her family. She said no that she has never had a proper family and she was so happy with our family and the way my family had accepted her and that it was her fathers loss. So the next day we were watching the TV, she had just phoned my mum as she does everyday then she went out to the bin and her father pulled up in his car, got out, pushed past her, came into our house. He pinned me down own the sofa and threatened to kill me, then he let me up cause my partner was screaming at him to let me go and get out her house as we have a baby and a little boy sleeping. So he did and he then began pushing me around the living room goading me into hitting him by saying things about me being unwell and about my family, how I had changed his daughter. But she told him that I hadn’t, I have let her become what she wants to be. I then phoned my father to come and get me and he drove a 20 mile trip in about 5 minutes, but while I was waiting his girlfriend came in and started throwing accusations around at me and bad mouthing my parents, calling me a stuck up rich ******** and so on. And I tried to tell her that I cant help the family I come from and that my mum and dad work hard and have it better than most. While this was going on her father was still trying to get me to hit him and during this our eldest boy woke up and my partner told her father to stay away from our son. But he didn't listen, he brought him into a screaming match and I called her father for what he is and told him what I thought of him and his girlfriend then walked out.When I got into my dads car I told him what had gone on and he immediately phoned my house to ask to speak to her father and to ask him what he was playing at. But he would speak to him because my girlfriend didn't even ask her father because he was still ranting that he had done what was right and that he should have threatened me a long time ago. So my dad told her that if I couldn't get to see the kids he was taking her to court for me, but it never came to that because we have been trying to sort things out. Then at my sons first birthday he was taken to hospital in the middle of the night really not well and later that day her father and his girlfriend demanded to see him at there house and my girlfriend said to them, you come up here and they said, no your coming here and he isn't welcome in our house. I’ll come and pick you up and when he arrived I told him what I though he was doing was petty and not for his grandson but to get annoy me and I said that he could have at least buried the hatchet for a couple of hours for the kids at least and I then got told were he would love to burry the hatchet. My fiancé has told me that he is a control freak who likes to get his own way, he has beat her with belts and that he made her late mother take her for an abortion when she was 18 because his words were that if a baby came into the house he was leaving. And than at Christmas his girlfriend threatened to take the kids off her and go to social services because I beat them up. Her father thinks he knows everything but really knows nothing and from what I have witnessed he is a self centred materialistic bully and a coward, he shows no interest in his daughter or my biological son whatsoever. When we told him that we were expecting he asked me to leave the room and later I was told by my fiancé that she wasn’t to tell anyone that she was pregnant. Then when he was born and in intensive care my fiancé asked him if he would like a photo of his grandson, he said no he doesn’t want to remember him in there. I don’t know why cause he and his girlfriend only seen him in special care and when they were there they were more interested in all the other babies around, but I don’t know how my fiancé felt inside because I have lost count the amount of times we have been out together and her on her own and telling me that someone she knows through her father doesn’t even know our son exists. Its no better were his partner is concerned she keeps saying that she is his daughter and that they are his grandsons but at every turn loves to put her nose in were its not wanted. At Christmas she was told that I wasn’t allowed to spend Christmas with her and my sons and my family she had to go to his house and by doing this he made Christmas for me and my family non existent just like any other day. My parents were both heartbroken not just because they couldn’t see there grandchildren but because they had to watch me spend the day in tears and ever since he threatened me I am scared to go and see my sons and my partner myself. I become very agitated to the point I am shaking like a leaf breaking out in cold sweats, have diarrhoea because my stomach is in knots and feeling and sometimes being sick. Since then my partner and I have begun to watch our relationship breakdown and fall apart. I have been told that she doesn’t want to live were she is anymore and want to be near me and my family so that I’m nearer to the hospital for my treatment and the same for our son, how she wouldn’t shed a tear if her father died tomorrow. I get told that she now feels like she belongs then on Sunday when I came to see her and the children I told her how I was really feeling and that I don’t think that I can come and see her and the children anymore. Then she lost it and started a big fight with me said some hurtful things then my mum and dad told me that we were leaving and wouldn’t be back. Later that night my dad and I took her keys back to her and her father and his partner were in and I told her I know were her loyalties lies that as soon as I’m away she phones her dad but I was told that she shouldn’t have phoned him she should have phoned me and sorted things out with me and my parents and that she nearly had a fist fight with her fathers girlfriend because she began saying thing about me and my parents and not being very polite.All of this is now affecting my family my dad will now not set foot in her door, he still wants to see his grandchildren but wont go to her house. He has said that I can go with him and pick them up at the weekend and me the kids and my mum and dad can take them out for the day but I know my mum would like to go and visit them at the house because every Sunday for the past 2 years it has been the same routine. She gives them there bath and puts them to bed but now she cant as she has said she needs to stand by my dad as she doesn’t want to lose him through this and because of this I don’t know how I will support my kids because I don’t work because of my health and I don’t get a lot of money because my benefits are just being processed. My mum and dad have more or less help us with the kids financially and they do a hell of a lot for us but now my dad has said that it is to stop and I don’t know how I can support my kids. I went to see my sons the other day and stayed over with them to try and sort things out with my fiancé and we have but when I left them to go home on the bus I gave my eldest son a cuddle and broke down then while I was walking away I heard him shout were is daddy and I cant cope anymore I need my kids I want to be there for them everyday but I’m not allowed to be there because her father has spoken and but now my fiancé has said enough is enough and is going to tell her father she loves me and if he cant accept her choices in life then stay away and as I said before there would be no love lost on her part or so she has told me but I have been told this before and promised the kingdom of heaven and been given hell for expecting it and if it means making a decision between my parents or my family I wont pick anyone but I’m scared because the way I have been feeling lately I have been feeling suicidal I don’t want to be here any more that if I want here none of this would have happened or if I had never met my fiancé she would be happy but then I think to myself but our son wouldn’t be here I am petrified encase he either beats her up or comes after me when she speaks to him because he will think that I put her up to this and then come and beat me up and have a go at my parents. I don’t know what to do anymore I need help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 August 2009):
In the UK, we have this service you may of heard of called the POLICE.
Go and be with your partner, and if he threatens you, comes round, acts in a violent way or ANYTHING like that then you call the police.
You keep a note of all the reference numbers in a diary and then if any accusations are made to social services you can point out all the evidence that this is probably malicious.
Social services aren't going to do anything if your girlfriend is honest with them, and the kids are happy and not injured etc.
Go and be with your family and don't take bullying. You aren't in school. You don't need to run to your dad. Dial 999 and stand up for yourself by using the police to deal with it.
Good Luck!! xx
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