A
male
age
,
*etecboy
writes:Me and my girlfriend lived together for over 2 years. However towards the end it got very strained and we were arguing every few days. Sometimes we got on great, but other times I received verbal abuse and occassionally physical too In the end she moved out, a month ago. The reason she moved out, rather than me, was because it was my house we were living in (she had previously been in rented accomodation). She now lives in a different rented apartmen However we have carried on dating, which was her suggestion. I had assumed if one of us moved out, the relationship would be over? However, we are now getting on much better, and there have been no arguments at all. She now says that she wants me to sell my house, and buy another bigger one, so we can all move back in together (we both have teenage sons living with us). She said she will contribute " a couple of thousand" towards the cost of it. She thinks if we are in a bigger house, with more room, it will be less stressful. I do still love her, so I am tempted by this (I appreciate you may think I am stupid for saying this after what has happened).However I am also worried that if it didn't work properly before, it might not again. Especially with all the upheaval and stress of moving. Also - and I am sorry if this sounds cynical - I am worried that she may only be doing it because she doesn't want the cost of renting an apartment for the rest of her life? So i could be being taken for a mug? What do you think? I do love her - despite everything, but I am also concerned.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009): I really don't see this as a good thing. It's just too pre-mature to make such a large investment together. I mean, if she thinks a bigger home will solve all your compatability problems, that's just not reality. It sounds backwards to me. There are some commitment issues going on, and when you feel you're relationship is solid, then (my opinion) marriage is the next level.
It's easy to get caught up in looking for a new home, but what happens if she(or you) want out because of a tiff? You may end up resenting each. I don't think this would be wise at all. I also see problems with your teens. When marriage isn't involved, teens tend to disrespect the parents girlfriend/boyfriend. Are there any problems here?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009): Hi,
I wouldn't do it. Not right now. You should start dating or something first, and see if the arguing continues. I did this myself (although a costly move wasn't involved) and it was exactly the same as the first time. If you do this, you will be taking a big risk. It will probably be the same, and this time around you will be stuck in a precarious position moving to a larger house (more $$). Especially in this economy.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): depends on how much u love her. if u love her alot and u think there is a slit chance this will work, then just do it.
if u dont think this work out no matter what, then tell her its not the right time yet.
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