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female
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*espairedAngel
writes: I'm with a guy who's 11 months younger than I am. Recently he has stated that there are some things that he doesn't like about my appearance. I'ts all little stuff (unplucked eyebrows, hair length etc) And a lot of it is stuff I either don't mind changing or I was thinking about changing anyway. I was wondering if this is just normal or if he was trying to change me into someone else (possibly an ex). Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2005): Yep, Sorry but I do think its something toworry about. My H used to worry about the little things now that we have 4 kids and have been married years....he worries about the little things like my breasts not being perky enoung or the natural stetch marks caused by pregnancy.... My weight is healthy and ppl tell me Im very attractive but he compares me to 20yr old bimbos in porn......
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (28 August 2005):
 Whether or not you wanted to change these things about yourself, I would be very concerned that he's trying to make changes to who and what you are.
Who is this guy, anyway? Adonis? Is he without a single irregularity? Is he himself, flawless? Perfect? Who is he to tell you how what you should change about how you look? If someone tried this with me, I'd be giving him a level-eyed stare, a wry expression and a bi-labial fricative.
No, dear, it's definitely NOT normal behaviour. People who like you actually accept you as you are. They don't hang around you, promising to like you more if you change to suit them!
People have faults, they have imperfections, they have weaknesses. Every individual is different from every other one. He needs to grow up and accept that people do not run around in anxious circles, changing their appearance to please him. Frankly, he has a lot of nerve to tell you that he "doesn't like" aspects of your appearance.
What he's showing is that he's a very superficial, egocentric individual, who thinks that everyone should change the way things are to please him, and that sound very shallow and very infantile, don't you think?
Don't waste your time. I'd be walking away from this guy, even away from his friendship! Growing up with a good self-image is hard enough without someone who supposedly cares about you, who tears you down and suggests that you don't quite measure up to his ideal!
Get rid!
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