A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I broke up one month ago after she told me that she has feeling for someone else. We became best friends 6 years ago and were best friends for 3 years of high school, then she confessed her feelings for me. It was a turbulent time for me because it was an abnormal relationship in my opinion. However, we've been through so many ups and downs for almost 3 years. We had deep feelings for each other, and I still do even though she left me. But we always promised to each other that we would stay best friend no matter what happens, so now we still hang out like friends.One month ago when she told me that she likes someone else, I was confused and devastated and stupid. I asked her to come back and give our relationship a second chance, but she didn't want to get near me. When I asked her for a hug, she said crossing the friend line makes her feel uncomfortable. After lots of thinking, I let her go, accepted that reality that this person's heart no longer belongs to me. Then we didn't see each other for about 2 weeks. Then yesterday, we hung out and went to the mall together. She would hold on to my arm as we walked around. She even asked me to give her a kiss. I was very confused. I told her that I thought we were only friends. Then we went to her house and watch some TV, then she hugged me while we were on the bed watching TV saying friends hug each other too. Now I'm really really confused. What does she want? What should I do? I want to move on because I don't want to be hurt any more. But I still like her a lot. My heart beats fast whenever I think about her or see her. But I have to see her as my best friend too. It's hard. For 6 years, she's not only in my life but she's a part of my family too. Our parents do not know about our "relationship". I do not want to avoid her because I really do want to be there for her. But what is it that she's thinking. Why did she not want to come back when I asked, yet when I decided to move on, she somewhat came back and did things that a normal friend wouldn't do? Please help me.
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (6 October 2009):
 She wants you to stay exclusive with her while she plays the field. Its natural.
Your best bet is to move on, be good to her, and if she really wants you back, then you two can decide then.
It seems from what you've written here that she's ambivalent, or has doubts about your relationship as a couple, and she wants to see what else is out there to be sure.
This of course hurts you.
Maybe you should outright ask her if she minds you seeing other people. Tell her you're interested in playing the field too.
If she cringes at that thought, or feels terrible about it, just tell her that's how you've been feeling this far and you want her back but if she's not sure, you want to know you're free to date already.
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