A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm such a horrible personDon't know where to start, I just want to stop feeling guilty and be normal.Please help me be a nice, decent person. I steal money from my mum to buy cigarettes and go out partying and I stole money from my friend the other day. I lie a hell of a lot. I sleep around. To top it all off I could be pregnant by a random guy I met last week. I'm turning into a person I never thought I'd be. Please how can I change. I feel awful about the things I've done and I can't take it anymore, I feel like I'd better off dead. My boyfriend died a few months back and since then I've just gone off the rails. I just want to be normal. Lifes always been rough for me but there's no excuses for what I do. How can I change?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2012): You have choices. You can change. Everyone has a right to change. Be excited about the person you can be and put the past behind you - do it today. Take everyones good advice. All the best x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou all of you. I will do all of that. I really do want to change, thankyou again x
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (14 March 2012):
 Yep. KC hit it right on the head.
Come clean with your mom. Expose what you've been doing. Iamhere is right that compulsive lying is an addiction.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (14 March 2012):
 There are lots of things you can do, but all of them are really tough and are going to take a lot of determination. Are you ready to change your life? Are you ready to get help? Unless you are 100% ready and willing to make these changes then there is no point in trying to change because you wont stick to it.
But if you are ready and want to improve your life for the better here are just a few of the many things you need to do:
1. See a doctor and get help, ideally counselling. You sound like you have depression and are strugling with the grief of losing your boyfriend, this is nothing to be ashamed of and there is plenty of help out there. Maybe look up grief support groups in your area so you can go and meet other people who are struggling with the same problems as you. A doctor will be able to do a thorough diagnosis and see if you do have depression or whether this is just grief that has manifested itself in a negative way. Either way a doctor will be able to point you in the right direction and get you some help.
2. Tell your mum EVERYTHING. Like how you have stolen money from her, how you are sleeping around, how you are partying too much....and most of all, how unhappy you are and how you need her help. Yes she will be a bit annoyed that you stole money, but that will be over-ridden by her concern for you. You are her child, she will want you to be happy and when you come clean about how bad things are she will do everything she can to help you. But you need to tell her, because once it is out in the open it will be a weight off your shoulders and it wont be entirely your responsiblity to get your life back on track. She can help you, as long as you give her chance.
3. Stop smoking. It is expensive (as you know!) and damages your health, there is no reason to smoke at all. So quit - whether this is on your own, or with the help of your doctor. Again, speak to your GP and they can help you with this process. It wont be easy, but will be a good step in the right direction.
4. Take at least a month or 2 out from partying - I presume that when you sleep around you are drunk? If you stop getting drunk then you will stop sleeping around, so that will be a massive help for you. It will be hard to stop partying because your friends will still be going out, but it has gotten so bad for you now that you have to take time out in order to get yourself under control again. If you want to see your friends, do things that dont involve alcohol like going for a walk, going shopping, going to the cinema etc.
5. Whilst at this trip to the doctors (you really need to see your GP ASAP), get a pregnancy test and a STD test. If you are having unprotected sex you could have caught an STD so you need to get tested right away.
Once all of these serious issues are out of the way, you have sorted out your health and have gotten help from your parents and a doctor - then you can start working out how you are going to move forward in your life.
What are you doing school/career wise? Are you at Uni? Or working? What do you want from your life? Do you have a dream job?
What makes you happy? What hobbies do you enjoy? What did you do when you were younger that you wish you still do now? What are your favourite things?
Where do you see yourself in 2 years? What about 5 years? How are you going to achieve these goals?
Make a plan by answering all of those questions - answer them and then figure out how you are going to achieve this. If you have plans for the future then it will stop you from trying to numb the pain of the present.
It has only been a few months since your boyfriend died so you are going to be hurting and it will take a while to get over it, sometimes you never get over these things. But what you need to remember is your boyfriend, what would he think if he saw you now? Is this what he would want for you? Is this really the best way to remember him? Or if you sorted your life out would that make him happier than you carrying on like this?
The pain may never go away, but you can learn to live with the pain and carry on with life. Your boyfriend would have wanted you to be happy and have a wonderful life, I bet he would hate seeing you like this.
I'm so sorry you have been through all of this at such a young age, it is totally understandable that you have gone off the rails a bit but at least you have recognised this isnt the right way to carry on. You have made a big step forward just by realising this needs to stop, so well done for that.
Talk to a doctor, talk to your parents and take things from there. It will be a slow and painful process trying to sort your life out, but you will get there oneday I promise. Keep your chin up and stay strong, things will get better for you.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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