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female
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*asteofIndia
writes:Hey Cupids,I'm finally turning to you for advice, or maybe I'm just looking for some warmth and tips from those who have been in the same position. I'm 22 (nearly 23) and I'm bumming.It's been a really hard summer. My Grandma (who I'm very close to) passed, it was just a few months before my wedding - which is coming around the corner. My fiancé is off at boot camp for the Marines - he'll be home for 10 days to relax and enjoy the wedding that I'm planning. My Grandma's house, the ol' homestead, is being put on the market. My family has been living with her the past year. I tried to save it and get a mortgage to buy it myself, but wasn't eligible just yet. My Mom and her sister's are going through a rough patch, mostly just with the death of their last parent and dealing with that as well as the legal drama. So their relationship has been tense, which is rough because we've always been such a close family.And I'm feeling overwhelmed. My dog, only 10 months - she's very aggressive towards other dogs. Now I'm living with my parents, sister and our two family dogs, and my pup Zola attacks and has recently escalated to taking a big ol' chunk out of one of the other dogs. She's a great dog, but the aggression! I didn't even know she had it until we moved in with other dogs! And my heart is breaking. I've got friends, they're two hours away, but they exist. And they're trying from afar. My family is trying too, but they have soooo much on their own plate to deal with. I feel somehow, like I'm bugging them when I say "I miss my fella" for the thousandth time, or bring up wedding planning stuff. I'm really bad at wedding planning. I think I'm too much of a cheapskate and not enough of a romantic. It will be a great wedding, I'm really looking forward to it... but all the technical stuff, my fella is much better at that than I am. As for my friends, my best friend just got dumped by her fiancé (unexpected and horrible!) and I don't want to be tacky and un-friend-like by bringing up my wedding... my other friends are single, and I think hearing me talk about the wedding is bringing them down - reminding them of their own singleness (they're only 21, 22, 23 - they have nothing to worry about! They're hot tamales!), or something.Most of all, I just miss my guy. I really do. I'm a hippie at heart (he is... was?... too.), so him joining the Marines was hard enough for me - I know it was hard for him too. But we've been together 4 years, he's extremely smart (verging on know-it-all) and in shape... I'm not worried about him. But I'm still missing him horribly, crossing my fingers that I am right and he's not changing. I hope he's still has held on to his artistic soul and core morals and values and that he's still my same ol' fella who I love and married (okay, technically we got married before he left to boot camp. It made things SO much easier. My family knows, but otherwise that's our secret! Big wedding in August). He'll be back in 5 weeks and it feels like FOREVER.GAH, I know I should keep myself busy, but I feel like I'm keeping myself busy with things that bum me out. My bad dog, who feels like a full time job. Keeping my family sane and happy. Planning a wedding (which I suck at). Helping my family move out of my Grandma's house and making it ready for sale (the worst). I feel selfish when I start to get whiny and teary like I'm being right now!! I don't really know what my question is, perhaps I'm just getting this off my chest? How can I cheer up and get back on track? How can I get back to my old positive self and make this summer as amazing as it oughtta be?I just have the blues and don't know what to do... maybe I need to invest in a harmonica and start writing some tunes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): Well in times like this get a tub of chocolate ice cream, a table spoon and indulge .Just think about how fabulous it melts in your mouth and allow yourself to cry. I dread the day my Gran dies, she is 81yrs old and I can’t bare to think about it. Just remember how she would have wanted you to be.Zola...Zola ,your baby needs to learn some manners, maybe buy her a muzzle and take her training or google socializing your dog and train her yourself. Don’t worry about your fella he will probably be the same old hippie you fell in love with. He might forget some of his manners at times; you know how a bunch of men are when they are together. Burp, fart .....and all that. Just remember you can’t carry everyone’s problems on your shoulder. The bags will become so heavy that you won’t be able to move. I always say the big wheel keeps on turning no matter how hard I try to prevent it. When things feel out of your control, think of all the things you are grateful for. Don’t think of what has not happened, think of the moment you are in and what’s happening now at that moment.Be strong and positive, when you feel things are getting tough, get that tub of ice-cream out the freezer and indulge and cry. A good cry always puts things into perspective.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): your a breath of fresh air, the way you have hit a low in your life and can still be so considerate of others, its really nice. Your wedding - who cares if it sucks and you make some mistakes, your husband will think its cute the way you tried and so will everyone else. Its not about the fancy decorations and how much you spend, its about declaring to the world the love you have for your husband and the love he has for you. Just have fun with it, its about YOU, its your day so just make yourself happy, its ok to be selfish this day =). it must be really tough not having your man around, gosh I feel like crying when I don't see my man for 2 weeks!!! So this just says how much of a strong woman you are!! Watch a sad movie, cry your heart out till you cant cry any more then pick yourself up as you said keep occupied, now you have identified the lows that are occupying you, change it... think of taking your dog to dog school as an activity for you and your pooch to bond, take your family out for a fun night, dinner, movies, just so they can get out of there rut as well. Have fun with the wedding planing, don't stress, just have a giggle over the mistakes... possibly even organise sometime to visit your friends and do something special, go have some drinks have a girly night out spend some time at their side of town.tomorrow is a new day, you will be ok.have fun on your wedding day xoxoxox
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): Well, in spite of all the trauma going on in your life, there are some good things going on too so things are going to be fine.
The one thing I wanted to suggest on the aggressive dog is that your dog needs to be socialized with the other dogs, and there are things you can do to help this....for one take her/him to obedience school and hire a dog trainer to come out an observe the household and how the other dogs behave....some changes need to be made and your dog may feel threatened by the other dogs for a reason that we humans tend to miss. You have to think like a dog, they are animals, not miniature people.
Wish I had more help for you but can't without being there to watch the dogs myself.
I am sure your wedding will come off without a hitch and you have a lot to look forward to. I wouldn't worry so much about your single girfriends, let them support you that is what friends are for....ask for some help, it will make them feel a part of your happiness.
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reader, Tryx +, writes (12 July 2009):
 I'm sorry to hear all this.
Just know that it is a particularly large speed bump in your life and it will come to pass.
best of luck to you,
-Tryx-
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reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (12 July 2009):
As a guy I am not in any way shape or form trying to come on to a married woman but I would like to say that you seem very charming, very selfless, and also like you are enduring yourself very well. You don't seem to be complaining at all. Just seem to be in need of a little booster. You seem very sweet and considerate of those around you. I am very sorry to hear of your grandpa. I guess as far as how do you cheer up the only thing I can say is I will pray for brighter days for you I know this will not last.
God Bless you and your family
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