A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, life isn't great. I need some advice on what steps to take in life. I'll make it as short as I can. I'm a 17 year old female and I am from the UK. So, when I was born my mam and dad where together but not married. My mam had another child to a different man (she was 16 when she had my sister and me when she was 32) My mam became an alcoholic around the age of 18 and from then on drank very heavily. My dad and sister didn't get on so she moved out when she was 16 and my dad left my mam when I was 3. So basically I was left with a raging alcoholic. She was often pass out and fall into the road etc. She did try to kill me and her at one point however my dad walked in at the right point. She worked at the local sports centre however drinked at work. So my attendance at school was like 49% as I didn't have to go. I had to look after her. Feed her, clean her make sure that I was fed (all the food was covered in mold most of the time). I saw my dad on a Wednesday and a weekend and I'd pretend that she was fine and when I came back from his house (he re married when I was 5 and had a son by this point) I'd pretend that she was in. When really she was off drinking. She had a boyfriend but he left and then it got worse. Random men came back, beat her etc. I was only a child and didn't know what to do. No-one would help me. So at the age of 11 (at this point I was living with my nana and had been for 5 weeks) I decided that I wasn't safe and moved in with my dad, his wife and two boys. At first everything was fine. I got to see my mam twice a week, my sister had a baby and my life was good. However, shortly after, my step mam started being mean. And from the age of 11-15 she did very cruel things. She beat me, burnt me with bleach, called me names, made me clean and didn't let me out, Cut my eyeball open with her nails, I wasn't allowed to look at my dad and I couldn't contact my family. (Contact with my mother stopped at 12 as she told me she was going to kill herself and the stepmam stopped me seeing her). Life was awful living with my stepmam. I didn't want to live. The only reason I did carry on was for my brothers. I love/loved them so much. I played mam as she was too lazy. I washed them, cooked them food, got them ready for school. ETC.She did various other things however I tried to stick in at school. At 15 I told my dad and I moved out (He had already left her at this point but she didn't see it that way as she thought they would get back together, he was living in a hotel) We got a place and of course, she wouldn't let me see my boys and told my dad she never did anything and that I was crazy and had problems. I haven't seen my brothers for 2 years now. My dad is hard to live with too as I don't think he believes everything I say that happened although she attacks him all the time. She works nights and I have to stay out nights when my brothers need to stay at my dad's. (Last week I've stayed out Mon, Tue, Friday, Sat + Sun, I stay at my boyfriends) I'm so sick and to top it off my mam died last year and I miss her so much. I wish I could have helped her. I'm currently at sixth form as I managed to pass all of my GCSE's but I feel terrible. No Councillors will deal with me and I need someone to talk to. What should my next steps in life be? Thanks. xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to you both.I suppose it is time to concentrate on me and build a future. X
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): "What should my next steps in life be?"
Believe it or not OP that's the easy part. The hard part is nearly over now.
I know you love and miss your brothers OP but it won't be long until they're old enough that they can see you etc.
For now you it's time to focus on you. Forget about your dad, and all those other people.
Your life really is just starting now OP. You're nearly an adult now about to move into the next stage of your life and gaining complete independence for your life and finally give you the power to control it.
Time to focus all your efforts and brain power with moving forward in your life OP. You're going to need money, preferably from a job you enjoy but even if you have to work flipping burgers all day, so be it. Save your money and get your own place. You can then decide on college if that's something you want to do. OP you've had enough people, had too much control and exert their power over you in the wrong way. Time to get out there once you're finished school, work and be free and happy. Then you can approach some proper counsellors to tackle the effects this has had on you.
From now until you leave school focus all your time and effort preparing yourself for adulthood OP. Read everything you can about career choices if you haven't already chosen one. Check out your options for travelling too OP, maybe you'd like to live and work in another country for a while. You may feel terrible OP because you can't see into the future you're still consumed by your past and of course that's understandable, so start looking to the future and preparing for it. Your real life starts now OP, the life you want to lead with the people you want to have in starts very soon. Give yourself a huge advantage by getting your shit together now and coming up with a few plans, a few different paths you can take. You can always change the direction of your life any time you choose OP. Pretty soon you're life is only going to be about you and what you want, so no matter how you feel OP be good to yourself, there's no point in moving on from this madness if you're only going to make bad choices and mess with your own life.
Life gets better OP, and soon you'll have the power to lead as great a life as you please with no interference from anyone except who you choose.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (19 November 2012):
 Hello love
I cant imagine how you coped to be honest.I dont know why a counsellor cant/wont help, you really need to offload this lot,see your GP and ask that they refer you,losing your mum is hard to deal with on its own never mind the other stuff.Or ask at school, a teacher you trust maybe if they can do something to get the ball rolling.
Well done for getting to 6th Form against all odds.Soon you will be independant its not far now,maybe even college or uni.I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world. xx
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