A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i need abit of advice pleasemy boy friend is a few years older than me and had at least 2 serious reltionships the last one he ended up marrying her well they were together 8 years when they got married 3 years after they got married she leftwe met soon after and had a rocky start because of it i asked him to get hes divorce and we filled but it never went threw 2 and a half years later we have a 18 month old together and i am having trust issues he is still legally married and she is saying he wants her back and is still telling her he loves her i am not sure what to think i have talked to him about it but he says it isnt true he does come home after work when he is post to but before work sometimes he leaves early for different reasons and before in the past she would come and talk to him at work so i am not sure what is really going on i dont want to push something that isnt there he did admit that she called hes work phone a couple times and also showed up once and he asked her to leave but i feel like maybe i want getting the whole story while i was pregnant he spent the night with her in a motel saying nothing happend just that she wanted to talk and ended up yelling at him all night also left me a couple times to be with her but says she tried to have sex with him and he didnt go for it i was pregnant and confussed so i stayed but still today when i look at him i see hes pants with hes underwear in them like he slid them off kinda like when we would do it sorry for the tmi but they were onb the floor and i found her panties under the sofa he said she left and he went to take a shower and was coming to talk to me but i had came to get my things out the house and i found that i was so hurt i spent the night at hes moms to give him space and she came over to talk and they ended up staying the night together i am not stupid i know they had sex i just felt like after our child was born our relationship toke a turn for the better and now she shows up after like 18 months and saying he wants her back but now i am not to sure and the doubts are terrible i would like some advise i am not sure if i can put with all of thishe swears when he gets the money that the divorce is n the top of our list, we are barly paying bills at the moment so i am not surei would like some insight to this because i am not only going threw this but my child as well and hes wife hates children and if they get back together i worry that he wont be there when he really needs to be no child wants to grow up with out a dad but there is no way that i could let her around my child, even he said that he wouldnt trust her around our child because she would more likly harm my child so if he would go back i think that would be the end of there relationship as well please help i am tired and trying to understand that i am not going out my mind and there is something her but i will add details when or if neededi really love him and want to be with him but i feel like hes livin a double life
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female
reader, xXJDXx  +, writes (21 August 2010):
Trust your gut feelings on this one, from my perspective looking in on this situation, he's a bad one. No man spends a night in a motel with his ex to argue!! He does still love and want his ex it's plain to see from what you've said. Get out of this relationship and DONT let him mess you around any further. You deserve better, to be the one and only woman of his affections.. Your not been treated fairly, your been taken for a ride and the fact you've taken him back when he has left you in the past just makes him think he can keep doing it and always have you as the fall back. Open your eyes huni and leave this 'man'.
Take care, JD x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): I'm very sorry that you are going through such a difficult time.
I know that you love him and that you want your child to have a father, because you are right, it is difficult for a child to grow up without one, a woman can never teach a child everything on her own.
However, I hope that deep inside your heart you understand that you do not deserve to be treated the way he is treating you. You deserve to have a man near you who will love you and your child.
The father of your baby seems to be in a very confused state, and because he is going back and forth between you and his ex-wife, I believe you should let him go.
He will always be the biological father to your child, but he does not have to be your husband and a man who will help you raise the baby. There are good men out there who will love you and your children.
When you are not loved, it's not worth sticking around in a relationship. It will fail sooner or later. You are causing yourself and your child more pain by sticking around.
You have your treasure, (your child) and I believe you will find a man who will love both of you, someone who you can trust and love back.
Without trust a relationship does not survive.
Good luck to you.
You will have a rough time if you decide to leave him, but as they say: "no pain, no gain"
To grow and become better always requires some effort and pain is a normal process. But it does get better and you will be a stronger person, and a better example for your child.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): You're right. He is leading a double life. That fact is evident my dear. And it seems clear that she wants him back. So the divorce will stay on hold until he is forced to choose which girl he wants to be with.
And it may be that he doesn't really love either of you and is simply hanging around until he meets miss right.
Many guys lose interest in a woman once she gives birth because too many women think they can allow their bodies to retain the extra weight and fat put on during pregnancy. This is a BIG mistake my dear. It has been proven that males are attracted by what they SEE....
Women are attracted more so by other qualities.
So take a good look at your body and ask yourself if it looks as desirable as it did before the pregnancy?
But l your problems are more than this. Your letter clearly indicates he and his wife are still, to some degree, in love.... and you will be alone once she convinces him to go back to her.
So move on...
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (21 August 2010):
 WOW! i didnt know things like this happened outside soapoperas ... you need to have a good straight to the point talk with this guy... he needs to choose you or her... if he chooses you he needs to get the divorce borrow the money thats the first thing that needs to happen... hes married to another women but shacked up making babies with you how does that sound...Its nuts.. make him choose and if its you to prove it get the divorce asap. this guy is full of it.. Personally hes using you to make her jealous.. you dont seem like the jealous type.. you have his kid and you love him he knows you wont leave so hes getting his cake and pie to... another thing he has no chilldren with this other woman so he needs to have no contact with her at all if they need to meet to dicuse the divorce you can be there to...
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