A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I ran into an old friend from childhood. We reminisced and he some of the other people from our group of friends. He told me how he reconnected with many of them and talks with them through phone calls in text. I found out a few of my friends have husbands now and careers they settled in. He asked me for my number which I did give to him but wasn't expecting him to really call. When most people (all female before this) from my past ask for my number it's just a way to end the conversation but they never actually keep in touch. In my marriage me and my husband agreed that we will not have friends of the opposite sex. The few of my friendships with guys ended before meeting my husband because they eventually expressed interest in more. This guy was one of my only opposite sex friends that never had an ulterior motive. My husband had no female friends coming into the marriage either. Neither of us are very social so this works for us. Anyway, I'm not interested in keeping the friendship alive. I've been without it for almost two decades so it's not important to me. I just need advice on how to tell him we can't keep in touch in a way that doesn't sound like I'm in a controlling marriage or doesn't come across as mean. As good of friends as we were then it was so long ago and I really don't have a reason to keep in touch. I have nothing against him but I haven't thought about this person in all this time so it's not a friendship I was missing and definitely not worth going back on an agreement me and my husband made. I don't want to mention giving him my number to my husband because I'm not sure how he'd feel about it and there is truly nothing for him to worry about.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2020): I saw my name mentioned in mystiquek's post, but I think she may have meant Code Warrior.
I've also been in a similar situation of offering my phone number to an acquaintance from my past; and later having second-thoughts because I didn't quite feel any real connection or interest in renewing our acquaintance.
Here's what I'd do. I always chose to be honest and direct, with tact and courtesy.
You didn't mention having his number; but I would assume you exchanged numbers. I wouldn't wait for his contact,call him first. I would simply call and say you've moved-on and really don't think offering your number was such a good idea. You're married, you live a quiet life. It is unlikely you'll really maintain contact from here on. Wish him all the best, it was nice running into him. Then block his number to be sure he is unable to contact you. I would inform your lady-friends of all you've told us. That will keep him from attempting contact or sending you messages through others. If you see an unfamiliar number on your phone and can't identify the caller, just block the number.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2020): You don't owe anyone friendship or an explanation about why you don't want to have a relationship with them. Just tell him you can't be friends with him. You don't have to tell him you and your husband are not secure enough in your marriage to have friends of the opposite sex. He'll understand and lose your number.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (14 March 2020):
 This isn't really something that you want to dance around with so I concur with WiseOwl and Nora B that the best way is to be honest. I wouldn't contact him but if and when he contacts you, be polite as you can but just state it how it is "It was great to see you and reminisce but its been so long and we are totally different people now and I just don't think that there is really a reason to stay in touch." End it with kindness "I wish you all the best and I truly hope you will be happy" Something to that effect should do.
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A
female
reader, Chocolate-eyes86 +, writes (14 March 2020):
 I think just being open and honest is the best way to approach this to your childhood friend. I am sure he will understand and you don't have to go into further details about giving information about your marriage to him. Since you described your friend not having any ulterior motives I am sure he will be understanding of your situation, and also true friends are not judgemental otherwise they aren't your friends to begin with.
If you don't feel comfortable to talk with your friend then instead of calling just drop a simple text and I am sure your friend will understand. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (14 March 2020):
In a situation like this and as you are a married lady The next time he calls be honest with him..and tell him in a gentle but firm way ..that while it was nice talking about old times..and with the greatest respect to him you would see no point to continue talking on the phone..and that you wished him well for the future..There is no easy way to do this except in a direct way...Also you might add that you hope he will find that special person. Kind regards,,Nora B.
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