A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was in an abusive relationship on and off for 4 years. I am a recovering alcoholic and this man approached me when I was three months sober and he was around 6 years sober. I never knew the relationship was abusive until I was in it on a regular basis. Like for one straight year I was with him and I noticed how I had thoughts of suicide, how i felt so defeated when i left his presence, how he would say things that made me cry but tell me that he was only trying to help. I have been out of the relationship now for a little over a year and what is bothering me is that I still love this man. I have come a long way in healing but I want to know how could I possibly miss someone and love someone that treated me the way he did. that would make something wrong with me i think. why can't i let go of this? why are there times that i still feel rejected and not worth loving?
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female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (6 September 2011):
 Hi,
You are very welcome!
I mean every word I said, and I know you will be happy and successful. Like you said, it will only get better for now on. There are reasons why things happen in life. I know that right now it's a difficult time for you, I am sure you have many questions to why? But, God has giving you all these responsibilities because he knows you are capable and strong enough to handle
Keep a positive attitude and things will get better!
Good luck and take care...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you chickpea. i cried as i read your response. sometimes i'm ashamed because i am 42 years old and i don't even know how to "live" life sometimes. how to face life on life terms. i have made it this far so i keep telling myself that things can only get better. i just hate the feelings that i'm having.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (5 September 2011):
Hi,
Congratulations on being sober. You are a very strong person to overcome this disease and you should be proud of yourself as it's a huge accomplishment. The truth is that we don't choose who to love and we cannot control our hearts. So, don't be too hard on yourself. After going through so much, you are learning to live this new life and takes time to have things back to normal. It's only normal to feel weak, lonely, confused. There's nothing to be ashame. We all need people that loves us and support us around us and in our lives.
The good thing is that you are sober. The good thing is that even though your heart is saying one thing, in your mind you know what's right and what's best for you. Rather, he was a good guy or not, you had history with this man, attachment, so it's hard to let go of someone that was a big part of your daily life.
Just be strong, you know he's not good for you, so don't go back to him again. Embrace the new you, your new life. Take time to love yourself, take care of yourself and your health. You have a second chance, it's up to you to make it right this time. Make new friends, do nice things for yourself, when you start feeling good about yourself, you will feel happy and in peace and then everything will fall it's place. The positive energy will attract the good people to you, when you least expect you will find someone that will love you the way you deserve.
It's hard, but don't think about the past anymore. It's past, won't change, it's just waste of energy and time. Think about your future...
Be strong, good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you rescuer, your answer has shed some light on a few things for me. made me feel a little less negative when i read it.
to the other lady that posted - are you saying that drinking is destroying your relationship?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): maybe your self esteem is still low (abuse wears away your self esteem, that's normal). and since abusers are not abusing you 24/7 but only some times or in a cyclic pattern, that means that at other times when they're not abusing you they may be treating you well, doing nice things for you, treating you the way you want to be treated. (too bad they then have to go back to abusing you again) . so you're still in love with that part of him, the part of him that was nice to you and which attracted you to him in the first place, while your lowered self esteem maybe makes you feel stuck and unable to get someone better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): I don't actually drink very much at all. I'm just wonderin how to change and how to best salvage my relationship now before I destroy it.
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