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anonymous
writes: I'm in a relationship with another woman and have been for almost 4 years. Neither of us have had relationships with women before, in fact, my partner was married. All through her marriage she wasn't allowed to go out or have see her friends. Since we've been together, she has got her life back on track and sees her friends regularly. My family know about our relationship and are fine about it but her family have no idea as we were best friends before this started. Recently, I've felt pushed aside whilst she goes out with her friends. I trust her with my life and I know that she wouldn't cheat on me but I feel that when she goes out with her friends, she becomes the person she really wants to be. I know she wants children in the future and with me, thats going to be complicated. Her family keep saying that she's been single for far too long and that she needs to find someone special and settle down. It breaks my heart to hear her lie to them and say that she's not ready for all that dating stuff. When I try and talk to her, she just reels off a list of excuses as to why she doesn't want people to know about us and that nobody can plan their future, we should just take it one day at a time. In the early days of a relationship, I would agree but we've been together almost 4 years!I want to plan my future with this woman but I don't think I feature in her plans. HELP!!
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (27 January 2005):
 Your girlfriend is able to at long last be what she wants to be and be the confident, happy person she always wanted to be when she was married. It is down to you that she is content and more self assured. She has fun when she goes out with her friends because, in a way, you have helped to give her a new lease of life but why don't you go as well? Do you go out with your friends? Do you both go out together? Are you a couple only indoors?I think you really do need to sit her down and ask her exactly what she wants because she really can't have it this way. It is making you unhappy and she should be made aware of that. If she loves you, she will want you to be happy too in your relationship. Does she see you both lasting a long time? Is she expecting to have children with someone else if she wants them badly? I am afraid these questions need to be asked.She is telling lies to her family probably for a variety of reasons but she has to face up to reality or eventually she could loose you.Tell her that you want to plan for the future and that four years is a long enough time to now make that request of her.Reassure her that you will stand by her whatever happens with her family but that you think it is time to not take it one day at a time but to think about the future-hopefully together.
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