A
female
age
36-40,
*ronic_tonic
writes:Hey I could really do with some advice or any thoughts on the following: (sorry in advance about the length!) Ok I'm 21 and a lesbian I have been in a relationship with my gf since the end of september and for the first few months everything between us was really good. Then we didnt see each other for about a month over xmas as I had to visit my family and she went travelling and since then everything has been going downhill really. I stayed faithful to her all the time she was away travelling but since she has got back we have been arguing alot and she frequently cancels on seeing me at the last minute. At the end of january I had only seen her once since she got back from travelling and I met up with this other girl (Kate) I had been talking to online one saturday night for a drink and I ended up going back to hers and sleeping with her. I know your probably going to think it was just a one night stand but it never felt like that we were really close with each other and got on so well. We stayed in touch afterwards and arranged to meet again the following weds night which we did and it was a good evening until we got back to hers. I checked my phone and had all these missed calls of my gf saying that she was annoyed i had gone out that night and who was i with and did i want to be single if it still meant i could see her. I panicked and left this girls house and got a taxi straight round to my gfs. We had a big argument but eventually sorted things out. I felt completely jelly I had cheated on my gf who i really care about and messed this other girl i really like around. I kept in touch with kate and she said she still wanted to see me and she wasnt bothered that i had a gf as i had told her at the beginning and she wanted to be with me even if it meant she had to share me. We arranged to meet a few times but either i had to cancel or she did. Then i started getting emails off this woman alice saying things about this girl and that she had been seeing her for the past 3 weeks which seemed strange because kate had told me about alice and said she couldnt stand her and she kept stalking her and calling her all the time and that she was lying about them seeing each other. I was shocked how much I liked kate after only seeing her the twice but we used to say up and talk online for hours sometimes until 3 or 4 in the morning she used to say that she really liked me and she wanted me although she kept asking me to leave my gf for her. We had arranged to meet on 20th feb as we hadnt seen each other since that night i left her 3 weeks ago, but she never turned up. I got a text off her 3 nights later saying she didnt want to hear from me again and that alice had told her i thought she was a liar and a slag and i never wanted to sleep with her all of which are completely untrue and that was the reason why she didnt turn up to meet me. I spoke to her online and sent her a copy of all the conversation i had had with this alice girl and she read them and said she was sorry for believing her over me. I mentioned that me and my gf were on a break and she asked if I still liked her and wanted to see her when I was just about to reply my computer crashed and I havent seen her on msn since I cant text her because her phone is broken and shes not getting a new one until her birthday. I havent heard from her for 2 and a half weeks now but i cant get her out of my head its driving me crazy i really like her and i would do anything to see her again or at least talk to her. I don't know what to do for the best cause maybe she is seeing someone else because this alice girl told me she was but she has lied about stuff before? I guess i want to know what I should do ...should i contact her again? Forget her and concentrate on my gf? Would she have got over me in two and a half weeks? Thanks for any help in advance!
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female
reader, red1982 +, writes (28 March 2008):
It all sounds really complicated to me. Maybe you should use the 'break' from your girlfriend to try to work out what it is you want, without other people getting in the way.
It does not sound like you would have a simple relationship with Kate because of Alice, who is obviously very involved in Kate's life and doesn't seem to like you at all. It also doesn't sound like either of you are in the right place to have a committed relationship at the moment.
You make it sound like you would go back to your girlfriend if Kate wasn't interested and I think that maybe you need to re-evaluate your feelings toward your girlfriend.
My advice is to wait until you know what you want to do with Kate and your girlfriend etc before you contact Kate again.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (28 March 2008):
 My head is spinning trying to understand your post, I'm afraid. I'm going to ask you, are you in a committed relationship with your girlfriend? If yes, then trying to see this other girl is cheating. Period. If you and your girlfriend have agreed to a break and see other people, then by all means, do try to contact her.
But it sounds like she may just have had a meaningless fling with you and doesn't much care to be in contact again. I mean, if she really wanted to talk with you, SOMEHOW she would have worked out a way to do it.
I may have gotten this all wrong, but honestly, I could not keep track of who and what and where, sorry for that.
Maybe you just need to take some time to sort out your feelings and what you want from a relationship, so a little time alone or with platonic friends might give you the space to just think about life in general.
All the best.
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