A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 3 years(but been with for 7 years total) now to a woman who has 3 kids from 2 previous relationships who I get on really well with and have taken over much of the father responsibilties seeing as the other 'dads' don't want to know about their own kids!Me and my wife have both got on well together but in the past couple of years it has been going very much up and down seeing as she is gets very angry about things such as my family and friends because they know she is very controlling and as I'm such a laid back guy and can be a bit too nice for his own good. I have always stuck by her even though I have known she is in the wrong. So I have lost touch with alot of people.We have also tried for kids for about 3 years now and only typically just January she finally conceived!Don't get me wrong I am very excited about this baby but its in very bad circumstances!!!I finally confronted her about the family thing (quite possibly the worst possible timing) and things went from bad to worse.This is where things get a little bit difficult as from last December I have struck a friendship with a girl who I was best friends with when were very young but have lost contact with since.We have become very close through talking to each other again and I have met up with her but we have never done anything physical because I have good morals and so has this girl. And because of this she loves me more as she knows I'm not like alot of other guys who jump at the chance to sleep with somebody else.My marriage has since hit absolute rock bottom and I have moved out and am living with a friend, but I still see her kids and her as much as possible (nearly everday!) as I do still care for her but not in a loving way, we are more like brother and sister now sadly.My wife tells me she still loves me very much and wants me back and is using the fact that I am a decent guy to really screw with my head with some very hurtful comments and texts about this baby and so is her family who I have always got along with really well.Even though I have moved out I am feeling incredibly guilty because my wife is pregnant with our child and have not started anything with this other girl because of that fact which this girl finds very hard as she loves a great deal and sees us as having a very nice future togther which I can quite agree in.My family have found out this fact and I have been told that they are really hoping that I do not get back together with my wife and and end up with this other girl who I absolutely adore and am perfectly matched with.I'm being told by her family one thing and mine another but just want some advice on what I should do or some pointers?? As it's slowly but surely driving me into the ground and am getting extremely depressed by it all, I do wish I was more of a bastard and could do what I want but I just don't think that way, I care about people in my life.I would be grateful for any help!!!Should I just suck it up and go back for the kids???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): Your wife sounds very controlling and manipulative, this is not a good relationship. If you have lost touch with other people because of her, it's not a good sign.
Don't go back to your wife under these circumstances. If you go back to your wife it should be because of the RELATIONSHIP you have with her, not out of guilt because of the living arrangements now that you share a child together, or because of past 'history' acting as a tie that supposedly has to bind you to her forever. But from what you describe, your relationship with her was very toxic.
Of course her family will pressure you to go back to her, they are on her side. Of course she wants you back and is messing with your mind - she wants your help or support in raising the new baby, she does not want to be alone. Controlling people rarely take things well when their victims break free of their grasp. Victims often are so stuck that they can't see the truth. It is friends and family on the outside who can see how bad your relationship is from what it has done to you, that is why your family is hoping you dont' get back together with your wife. They can see things you can't because they are on the outside. Listen to them.
Your family has your best interests at heart, and they are telling you not to go back to her.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (10 May 2010):
 Have you tried seeking third-party help for your marriage? It does seem like it's worth the effort to go to marriage counseling and see if you can make this marriage work. After all, she is pregnant with your child and you're going to have to have a good relationship for pretty much the rest of your life. So, even if marriage counseling doesn't end up saving the marriage, it could also be a good place for you two to reach an agreement to divorce and work on making your relationship after marriage civil.
Good luck, sweetness.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010): U got to go pro and con.
You don't love her is a big pro for not getting back together. Don't go back for only the kid and i think she wouldn't want you as much back if she doesn't got a kid on a way.
The question you need answer is do you think you will ever be happy with your wife?
If the question is yes you should get back together.
If you're not in love with her you won't ever be happy in the relatioship and pretend to be a good husband and wife in fromt of the kid is bad. Because one day mb 18 years from now when the kid go collage or something u'll realize that you lost 18 years of your life not happy what you don't ever get back.
I was too chicken and worried about the child to leave and that's what happend to me. I was lucky i found love of my life( the girl i was deciding to not go back to my wife)
but i could have 18 more wonderful years together. And there is a chance you'll never find another person..
Divorce is not the end of the world for the child and you should think about this boy/girl what she/he will think of you when he/she discover that you are unhappy and lied to him/her that you and your wife are good together.
I m giving you my personal experience and i wish someone would gave me one when i was deciding :(
Good luck to you and I hope any decision you'll make will work out for you :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2010): you loved your wife once enough to have married her,now you love someone else will you marry this one,she may be just as controlling a few years down the line and what happens then,marriage is work by both people for better or worse
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