A
female
age
36-40,
*xydancr05
writes:So i've been talking to this guy for about two months and things have been going great. we decided from the beginning that we weren't going to put titles to anything and just let whatever happens, happen. however, when we would go out, he would be really affectionate which i didn't have a problem with and i returned the affection as well. He was treating me like his girlfriend without actually saying it and i was treating him like my boyfriend without saying so. Then one weekend, i didn't hear from him which is usually when we saw each other so i went to his house the following monday(unexpected) and made sure he was ok since he did tell me he was going out drinking with some friends for the football game, i was worried he had done something stupid. either way, he didn't seem to have a problem with me being there unannounced and everything again, seemed fine. Until i didn't hear from him for a week after that. I called, sent texts, left messages, wondering what happened. He used to call me everyday and now all of a sudden just left me hanging. After almost a week and a half of not speaking with him, i went to his house again to get an answer and he finally told me he felt things were becoming too much for him, he still wanted his freedom and didn't want to have to answer to anyone if he chose to disappear for a week or so. Basically, he said he likes me a lot and at the LEAST we can be friends but right now he just wants some "me" time....does he mean we can be friends and maybe something more? or is he really saying we should at least be friends to avoid being enemies. i really like him...but is it worth waiting for?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): Thanks for all the responses. I think i'm just going to give him his space and hope he calls eventually, but at the same time not stop living my life.
A
female
reader, Kyaserin +, writes (25 October 2008):
 This is "exactly" what i'm going through right now. My ex-boyfriend used to call me all the time then all of a sudden stops talking to me! Eventually he asked to be friends, but he said he still loved me that way. As of now i'm still going after him, and know "for a fact' that he has a crush on me. I say go for it girl wait!!!!!!!! xD
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (25 October 2008):
 I had a similar thing happen to me. I was friends with a guy and after being friends for 5 months or so. I did work with him but then I got a new job. I tried to stay in touch and he did for a bit too but then I quit contacting him. He did call, we went out and had a great time. He then got scared and wanted to be alone. I tried contacting him to see what was going on and finally gave up. 7 months later he called and was so sorry-he missed me terribly. He said he would have called earlier but he felt ashamed of his behavior and after a month he didn't have the courage to call. He figured after 7 months I wouldn't be angry anymore and I would allow him to explain what happened. We went out again and had a great time, (no sex or anything either time). We stayed in touch for awhile and then again he began ignoring me because he "wanted to be alone". It's been a month now since I've talked to him. I know he has extreme issues, more than the normal commitment issues, but even so, I have decided that I don't want to be with him. I will never trust that he will be there for me and I'll always be looking over my shoulder wondering when he'll disapear again.
So the advice for you to move on with your life is good. If he comes back, fine, but don't spend any time waiting for him. You have your life to get on with so move forward and find someone who wants to be with you. I know how very hard it is not to dwell on what happened and to wonder if you did anything to contribute to this and the answer is NO. It's his issue and he needs to work it out. So leave him alone and move on with your life. I'd be a little guarded if he calls again because it could happen again.
Sometimes when things are too great, people can't deal with it. I don't know why.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, jabey  +, writes (24 October 2008):
ok this guy at least has been honest about how he feels. He says at the moment he does not want any more than a friendship with you, his words and his actions are telling you he means this. Now the first thing to do is now leave him be, allow himto miss you, at present he is used to you contacting him, and if he dissapears or ignores your messages you are there readily available. Unfortunatley to this guy, you are showing you have little respect for yourself, and also are hanging on to him, he knows by your actions you are really in to him in a big way. Often when someone feels pushed into a corner their instinct is to run away, at present he is feeling a little suffocated by your attention. As you said , you both agreed that you were not an item, hence no title.
Right , if you are serious about wanting this guy what you have to do now, is probally what you least feel comfortable with , but it will give you so much confidence you will be glad you did it.
Do not initiate contact with him at all, for at least a month. Let him miss you, he is used to you being there, he is taking for granted that you will always be there. Shock him by dissappearing to, take his security away, I promise you, if he has any feelings for you this is the thing which will make him sit up and notice you more.
Now concentrate on you, fill up your social life, do the things you enjoy, catch up with all your friends and focus on you. If you get the opportunity go and date, meet new people.
These actions will show this guy that you are not dependant on him, it will show you are strong, confident and your world does not revolve around him. And hence whilst you have stopped pushing him, he will feel les pressure, and therefore will feel safer to come toward you and I bet you he does.
Im bet he will intiate contact with you.
You ask should you wait, do not wait for someone or put our life on hold, but carry on doing wonderful things that make you happy, and when he comes to you, you can decide if he is who you want and if he is great. If he does not you wont feel bitter, angry or sad because you have been living your life to the fullest. So you end up in a win win situation.
Good luck xxx
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