A
male
age
41-50,
*anitysoul28
writes:I'm exhausted from overanalyzing and despairing about the tendency for love to just randomly fall into people's lives, and how this random occurence has never happened for me, and how there isn't much I can do if it never does, because attraction isn't logical, or a choice. People just like who they like, and if nobody is interested in you, oh well, get on with your business. I've been on the side of 'attracted' myself, but it's always to women who are emotionally unavailable or literally unavailable, like my buddies' girlfriends. Maybe their 'safer'? Because I know nothing will happen? Or saves me the trouble of taking my walls down if anyone ever reciprocates attraction? Bottom line, I'm very single, have been for years, and somehow I'm no better at putting aside the obsessive thoughts and sleepless nights than I was in 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006 et al. and finding meaning elsewhere in life. I'm the only single guy in my group of friends and I'm self conscious about it. My friend's public displays of affection make me uncomfortable in a way they didn't years ago when I was more confident. I also just buried my mother, who I had taken care of for 4 years, fixed up and sold the family home I'd been living in alone. My dad just remarried. My younger brother lives with his girl. I put on a happy front for my friends and family, but privately I feel useless and unwanted.So how do I go about leading the single life, with the awareness that there are no guarantees that love with ever find me, with a smile on my face and my head held high? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, needy123  +, writes (28 August 2011):
Get out there and meet people! I know they say you shouldn't 'look' for a relationship, and maybe even none of the girls you ask out or whatever will pan out at all but A. maybe they will!! and b. While you're lookinggg, your mind will be occupied and it will be SO much easier for good things - like a hot gf! To come into your life!
Try online dating by the way, if you're hot its a massive confidence booster, and if you're not its a super easy way to meet people anyway!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): I feel the same and I'm in the same age group as you. What bothers me is the fact that most people don't seem to realize that finding love is a random occurrence, and ask me stupid questions like "when are you going to find a boyfriend?" or "how come you don't have a boyfriend?" Well duh, there is nothing I can do about it, it just hasn't happened to me yet. It's just like asking somebody "how come you don't have a million dollars?"
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (28 August 2011):
 What a beautiful post!
I smiled because I can remember feeling that way. My life took an unexpected turn and had a pattern of loss (2 family deaths,Mother remarrying, and a divorce.)
I remember joking that this was NOT the rock and roll life I signed up for!
A good friend had to shed some light on my life. Now that life had changed, and some obligations were now removed, I had the opportunity to make different choices for the next phase of my life.
So, I am maneuvering my way thru new choices, new hobbies, new adventures.
You too, have oppoturnities ahead of you, but do you know what options you do have? Have you sit down and examined what YOU really want out of life, not just what others have that you do not? Trust me, some of your coupled friends envy your singledom.
There are no guarantees with anyones life. You just closed chapter in your life (sorry for the loss of your Mom) and are standing there and looking around going..um, what next?
How lovely that you get to CHOOSE what is next. For years you had this focus on caring for your Mother, which Im sure you did with love and devotion, but also out of service. Now you get to care for you!
Do you want a relationship in your life? Well, how about a matchmaking dating service? Love does not always find you without a big shove and a lot of determination to put yourself out there.
You sold the family home. How do you like your new place? Have you really settled in and made it yours? Start making it more like home.
How about more of a social life? Are you involved in church , hobbies, sports? Start fostering relationships in different areas of your life. Not necessarily to find a mate, but to have human connection. It will enrich your life!
Do you want life to change? Ok! Then what needs to change? What will you adjust first?
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A
female
reader, Heartbroken77  +, writes (28 August 2011):
I hear you, I actually felt the same after going through a divorce, due to bad experience I felt I did not need anyone and really couldn't care less if I was with anyone or not. But after 11 years it is killing me now.If you continue to be safe from all the emotional hurt by hiding yourself like that, you will be alone. Sometimes you have to take hurt to gain something, if you do get hurt you learn something. I experienced all that and out of desperation and now I am at a point where I hear that true love finds you when you least expect it. So meanwhile I am waiting for that to happen, I am looking after myself.You cannot be alone for the rest of your life, You need to go out there, but don't go out of desperation to be with someone as it is disasterous, I been there and done that too...Be cautious but don't put barriers around urself like that to stay single, Thats what I'd say because loneliness at one point will come to haunt you regardless how happy you are being a single person and its sad.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): We all feel like this from time to time but be positive feel positive and it will show in turn this will make you feel happier and be happier being single
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): I've never answered one of these before but I feel your pain man. Check this out...your friends are all in relationships and you're the only single one? \Great, chances are, they're jealous of you not being tied down. Go out and just focus on one-nighters because woman don't usually feel the relationship attraction until you show them you're NOT interested in it. To them, it makes you look desprate and they wonder what might be wrong with you because you want the relationship so bad. hope this helped a little. for whatever it's worth, i've had my fair share on both sides of the single/dating fence.
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A
female
reader, NennaHB  +, writes (28 August 2011):
 I have asked the same question not long ago and I got some very good answers: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/will-i-always-be-single.html
Fact is I helped a friend move from her apartment 2 days ago and she had also asked some guys she knew to come along. The one I felt a bit of chemistry for, a nice and funny Irish(totally lovable + he was driving a motorcycle) turned out at the end of the evening had a girlfriend.
But I try to stay confident about the change of my status from "single" in a future where I can find a good man.
Don't give up looking for the right girl, she is closer than you think!
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