A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I need some serious advice on how to deal with my boyfriend. We have been in a long-distance relationship since last July. I love my boyfriend dearly and ended a 6-year relationship with someone who loved me very much and treated me like a queen, for this man. In the beginning things were great. He told me how beautiful I was, he bought me gifts, he made an effort to see me. Last week I travelled 900 km to see him - something I have done many times whilst he has been unemployed. I have given him money, I have spent thousands to see him and talk to him on the phone, and never once have I complained. I also gave my virginity to him.I looked forward to last week very much. My bf insisted that I meet his friends, which I saw as a sign of commitment on his behalf. I met his friends and even though I was there, all they did the 5 days I stayed with my bf was come over, play video games and not leave until 1 am or later. This made me upset - I wanted to spend quality time with my bf not his unemployed lounge-lizard friends who made no effort to get to know me.After about 5 days of this, instead of staying with my bf and watching him sleep and play playstation all day, I went shopping. He then lay this great big guilt trip at me for wasting his time shopping and not spending it with him. In the end I cracked and threatened to break his playstation. He grabbed me by the neck and threw me down.We argued a lot about him not taking me out anywhere as well (on the odd occasion when he does, it's always where HE wants to go, doing what HE wants to do). So he just responds by calling me fat and saying how happy he was with his ex gf and how he wished he never met me.He tells me what to eat in front of his friends and, worst of all, he expects sex at least 3 times a day. We do have sex every day, and if I don't feel like it more than once he has a big sook and ignores me for days. I never understand why he ignores me, and when he eventually decides to talk to me he just says how sex is the most important thing in a relationship, love and romance come second and I need to understand that he's not going to be nice to me unless he gets it.I cry a lot because of his behaviour - he says the anger is because of the distance and that he was never angry until he met me. He also hangs up on me and tells me to see a shrink when I cry - instead of understanding why I am upset and trying to sort things out. He just yells at me for seeking attention.I do not seek attention. I genuinely get upset over his actions. I have battled depression for a number of years and it is really taking its toll on me. I have mixed feelings about this man - I still feel a connection to him but I also hate the way he has treated me. He never accepts responsibility for anything - he just blames all out problems on me and thinks the answer is to give up my career, my family and move 900 km away with him. He thinks my career is pointless and that he can provide for a family when he doesn't even have a steady job, own a home and earns less than half of what I earn.I need advice about what to do. I am really confused and need help on how to talk and get through to my bf.
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female
reader, rambini  +, writes (15 April 2010):
 have you actually read your own post? it is barn door obvious what you need to do, dump him, walk away, find someone else. i am amazed you even needed to ask that question. he is clearly a scumbag, who puts blame on you and takes no responsibility himself. get out now.
A
female
reader, Rhinosgirl +, writes (15 April 2010):
i agree with both of the other answers. my sister was in a relationship like this with a man. he ended up raping her cos he dint get what he wanted. i'd get out before he does the same to you. there are far more men out there that will treat u how u want to be treated. :) xxx
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 April 2010):
You need to dump him. This is not a man you need in your life, and you must go. He's abusive mentally and physically. You can so much better than this. Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship. It's as important as anything else including trust and safety amongst other things. Neither of which you have with him. He's trying to control you and break you, because this is what men like him do. There is no connection with him. That's an illusions that I suspect your depression is making you feel. You do not need a guy who hits you in your life. You can do better. You must leave him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): What the hell are you doing? Dump him and do it soon before he destroys your faith in men.
Perhaps you should re-read your post and pretend it's someone else, try and see the situation from an objective stand point.
I'm not going to trawl through the many things in your question that are grounds to get rid of this absolute douche of a loser. He's unreasonable, demanding, uncaring, he tries to make you blame yourself for his inadequacies, he's lazy, selfish, egotistical, he makes you feel bad and is just a complete fool.
He's using you and making a fool out of you, and frankly you are letting him. You're just a source of money and sex to him, he's probably having a great laugh at your expense.
Normally I'd advise talking to him, let him know how you feel and generally try to find a middle ground but there is none in this case, DUMP HIM NOW!!!
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (15 April 2010):
 OMG why did you leave the guy who treated you like a queen for this plonker? AND OMG why are you staying with this new guy? If a man grabbed me by the neck and threw me down plus called me fat and then sulked when I didn't feel like sex I'd be outa there so fast there would be skid marks on the floor. This guy WILL NOT change he will continue to degrade you, demean you, insult you and take away every last shred of self confidence until you are a shell of your former self. Please please please leave this guy and DONT look back he is dangerous!!!
You are worth more than this and you deserve more than this. You can be without him and you will be OK in fact you will be great.
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