A
male
age
36-40,
*upiddd86
writes:Hey Everyone,So about 1,5 month ago my long distance girlfriend broke up with me while I was there. She told me she couldn't handle our fights anymore (didn't have many) and that this distance wasn't working out for her. I told her I understood and she wanted to remain friends, which I actually did. This friends thing went on for a week or maybe 2 until I realised I couldn't handle this. I told her that this isn't working out for me and I need to gather my thoughts if this would have any chance of working so I went into non-contact. 1 week after I started non-contact she suddenly started talking to me about something insignificant. This small talk led into something much bigger and apparently she wanted me back. I decided to give this a try. So here we are 1.5 month after the break up, back together. What I don't understand however is how she can be so different.. She's not reacting at all like the girl I was in love with and on top of that she's kind of cold and distant. Example: "Goodmorning baby!" her reply: "Morning" or "How are you love?" "I'm good thanks, you?" while these are just minor examples it just feels like there is no affection from her side.. or hardly any while there used to be a lot. I've had some fights mostly from her side taking things wrongly. But I'm wondering this girl wanted me back, now she got me back and she acts like this?
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male
reader, Cupiddd86 +, writes (13 July 2011):
Cupiddd86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Dorothy,
Thank you for your reply; it's been a while since I posted that message and a lot has passed. In a nutshell; 2 days after I posted the above message we had a huge fight resulting in a break up. We decided to go our separate ways for a while.
I mostly reflected on what went wrong and why, while trying to get back up on my feet. After a while I realized that the reason why things broke like that was that after the first break up I just took her back because I really wanted to be with her, not realizing that she had hurt and damaged my trust with that break up. I rushed into things and just wanted things to be like they used to. Having found 'peace' like that I decided to write my ex a letter. Apologizing for the fight which was from my distrust and wishing her the best.
Shortly after the letter we started talking again. Very short at first; but more and more later. She noticed that I was myself again so gradually things turned more romantic. At some point we had a talk about where things were going and I pointed out that she had been giving out signals. (telling me she wanted to come over out of the blue and me telling her that I noticed that with the little free time she had she chose to spend it with me and a lot of flirting) She told me she didn't notice and that I made her think about things.
Meanwhile continueing things as they were; calling a lot more with phone/skype more text msges and well the seeing the chemistry is still there. Now a month later; this weekend I asked her again where this is going and we had a long talk. Basically she told me that she really wants to be with me and that she's torn between her life there and being closer to me. She knows she'll have to chose eventually but she's just happy at the moment how things are. She did however told me that she wanted to give us another try. (this was last saturday).
Now however it currently seems that instead of increasing contact from what it was it's decreased severely. She is a little affectionate but she's rather short on answering. Also seems like she is really busy; whilst normally she would always make time to talk to me. Past days she hasn't shown up on skype at all and not replied to any text message.. meanwhile she's just on facebook chatting away..
I'm not sure what to think now; she said we'll give it a try but she decreases contact like that? Hope you can give me some insight in what's happening since i'm clueless..
Thanks!!
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (13 July 2011):
Hi there. LDR's are very challenging relationships to keep going. There's just too much loneliness and isolation.
And there's not enough actual togetherness. You both miss out on so much because of this.
The other downside of LDR's is, the only form of contact is either text messaging or emails - because it's cheap.
And although it's better than nothing, there is also room for a lot of misunderstandings - especially with texting - because of the way people often abbreviate words and statements, to save time.
And in the process, things get left out, and there's not so much detail, so it's not surprising that statements made can often be misinterpreted and taken out of context. That's why it often ends up in arguments.
It's a case of so much just gets left unsaid. So it often leaves people wondering how the other one really feels. So more understandings. It goes on and on.
It probably has more negatives than positives.
And people keep the whole thing going for months or years - more out of habit than anything else - all the time hoping that things magically change one day, when they wake up one morning.
Another problem with LDR's is while you don't see each other, you build your own life and your own friends and interests etc. and can often grow apart. Worlds apart.
Then the next time you do get together, you might find you no longer have much in common. Especially, the more time that goes by. And that could be very heartbreaking and bitterly disappointing.
And when that happens, it does come to the point of decision time.
Perhaps you are at that crossroads now yourself, where you need to make a decision once and for all.
It does sound like it.
It's only you who can decide what's best for you. No-one else can tell you what to do.
In deciding, let your heart be your guide, and listen to it carefully.
In time - sooner rather than later - you will know what feels right for you.
...............................
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