A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i've posted on here before asking for a bit of advice on how to tell if someone is into you or if they're just platonic friends. truth is that i'm really confused by this girl, and i really care about her, so i'm going to try this one more time. i'm okay if we're just purely friends and i'm reading this completely wrong. but ultimately i just want some peace of mind from all of this.this girl and i have been friends for years, and she's with someone else. but sometimes she does and says things that leave me confused by her intentions, wondering if she deep down maybe wants to be with me. there have been a lot of instances that have left me wondering if there was more to our relationship, or if it was just simple goofing around.her boyfriend really wanted her to do a naked photo shoot a couple of months back. she was really hesitant and nervous about it and expressed this to me, but she wound up doing it anyway. she then took a picture of one of the pics and sent it to me in a text message wanting to know what i thought of it. i never asked for this pic and i certainly didn't expect to receive it. of course i told her it looked good.. what else would i say?? i'm assuming her boyfriend wasn't aware she did this.we used to work together so we have a ton of mutual friends. well one day while she was still single but i wasn't, one of our mutual friends asked her the type of guy she typically went for, and her response was me. she said that i'm pretty much her exact type and if she were looking to date, i would be the person she'd want to be with. this friend later informed me of this information.the other night when her boyfriend was out of town she was texting me saying goodnight and said she kept her cell phone close to her head when she slept so my pic would pop up if i texted her and that would be the first thing she would see. this sounds extremely childish, but on facebook you can find out who views your page the most frequently, and i used the app and of course low and behold, she's my number one fan. when she found out i was only number three on her list she jokingly expressed that she had hoped i would be number one, and how she was upset that i wasn't. her boyfriend was number four.she genuinely got upset and angry with me when i told her i couldn't go out of town with her and her boyfriend and all of their friends this month. she really made me feel terrible and that she thought she wasn't important to me, which is not the case.the last time she came into town she came with her boyfriend. she had a ton of friends ask her to hang out, but she blew them all off to hang out with only me, telling everybody else she didn't have time. but when her boyfriend took a long time getting ready and running some errands before we could meet up, she was texting me telling me she was so annoyed by him and that he was cutting into our time together and how she just wished she'd left him back at home so we could be hanging out.on our facebook accounts we constantly are writing each other and say flirty little things like i miss you and i can't wait to see you, and even our friends have gotten to where they're just like "you two need to get a room." of course her response is always to say that they're just jealous, rather than say there's nothing going on. she HATED my last girlfriend. despised her with a passion. she refused to be around her and would have nothing to do with her. when we would fight, she would call my roommate and ask for every last detail, and even tell him to put his ear up to the door to listen to what was being said and if we were breaking up. now that i'm single i think she's thrilled. the two things that confuse me about everything and make me second guess all of this is that when i mention other girls she always encourages me to pursue hooking up with them. she always wants to know about it and always wants details. and lastly, whenever her boyfriend is around, she constantly talks about how wonderful he is and just how happy she is. but that all contradicts so much with her other actions. please someone give me some advice on what the hell to think! thank you! and i'm sorry this is so long.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): thanks for the response. it's very appreciated. it's so black and white for me in other people's situations to see clearly what's going on. but for some reason, i second-guess my own.
she always says things so innocently, like with a laugh or a smile afterwards, so she comes across almost like she could just be joking. or she sends the naked pic but makes it appear that she's only doing so for the sake of getting my opinion. haha. but my gut tells me this is just so that she doesn't look vulnerable and can play it off as a joke, if need be.
anyway, thanks again for your time. maybe one day i'll muster up the courage to say something. maybe not. lol.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 May 2011):
 I think she is playing the very same game as you.
Meaning, obviously you are not willing to go for broke, telling her clearly how much you fancy her, and risking therefore being rejected ,being laughed at, or being told : " how do you dare !, you know I have a bf ". You 'd like to play it safe and be sure she would be game if you tried something.
She, likewise. She is obviously putting out not-so-discrete feelers ( naked pic of herself to male friend ! Yuck. If I were her bf I'd be appalled ) but she does not like to work without a net. If she were mathematically SURE that you are available for a relationship, probably she'd let go of the old one. But until then, she stays put
with her BF .
It's a bit like not leaving your old job until you haven't secured yourself a new, better position.
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