A
male
age
30-35,
*geek
writes:Hello, me and my girl have been going out for 11 months now. We are in a long-distance relationship (6 hours) we care for and respect each other greatly. And we both love each other, and how we manage to bring out the best in each other. We rarely get to see each other. Last time was around Christmas we had a rough patch a few months back and we both decided to lay low for a bit ( just a break, not a break-up. We just didn't talk very much for a couple weeks, but we where still together) We where both really stressed with our lives and where taking it out on each other, we realized this and decided we needed to take time and figure our own crap out first.Afterwards, everything has been great and back to normal. We talk n text and live our own lives.....etcBut, just yesterday she texted me and asked me to call that she had something important for us to talk about. I was worried.... So I called, she sounded pretty distressed, and then started off by saying she is sorry, and that I am going to loose all trust in her....etc then she started crying and breaking down. And she finally told me... she had sex with 2 other guys.Last month and this month.I didn't know what to say, my mind was blown. Completely blown. At the moment I had taken sleeping pills earlier and they had kicked in, so my mind was pretty numbed to that blow. But about halfway through today it just hit me like a freightrain. One of my great friends was talking to my GF and told me that" she is so scared and doesn't want to loose me over this, and that she is hurting because of her stupid mistake. And I hope you know that she truly does love you"I just dont know what to do or think :(I feel so angry, hurt, sad, apathetic, betrayed, confused... all jumbled into WTF.I love her, and I do know that she loves me. But I dont know what to think or do at the moment.... We have been so good for each other and I dont want to loose that.Help?:/
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 April 2011):
 I think she loves the idea of you, but I'm not sure she actually loves you. She is NOT being respectful or faithful to you. Sleeping with one guy is bad enough but two? Yeah, I don't see her stopping sleeping around on you any time soon.
I don't see how she is good for you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 April 2011):
 LDRs are so damn hard. I know I'm in one. There is no way I could have done it at your age.
I'm sorry she slept with TWO GUYS over 2 months...
she told you about it... she could have kept it to herself.
YOU have to decide if you love her enough to forgive her:
1. infidelity
2. lies
and determine if you can ever trust her again.
Personally without TRUST there is no relationship. I know it's what killed my marriage.
If you don't think you can ever trust her again, then it's time to walk away.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): Once is a mistake, twice is not, especially if it's two different guys. At best you question her judgement that she can sleep with two men off the bat like that..at the worst you question how long she's been thinking about it and that she actually went through with it.I'm sorry for your pain and somewhere she might actually regret what she's done but I think there's a reason she's told you.She does care for you but really doesn't see it working out and she wants to go and have her fun but doesn't have the courage to come right out and say it.As long as this relationship is long distance then there's no future, because you're constantly going to be questioning what she's up to even if she's not doing anything. The seal of trust has been broken, how do you repair that if you don't see each other.The minute she slept with one guy, you lost her, not the other way around. The second time, to be blunt, she didn't think about you at all. So what does that say to you?You still want a future with this girl?You are young, take some time out and try to heal, and when you're ready find someone a bit closer to you, it saves a lot of hassle in the end. Hope it works out for you and sorry for your pain.Good luck.
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A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (21 April 2011):
Honestly, she doesn't love her. If she did love her she would not have done what she did nor hidden it. She cheated. Twice. It was something serious what she did. Long distance relationships are tough, specially when people are stressed out.
You are not losing anything by breaking up with her. She turned out to be different than the way you thought she was so you should think over about staying with her. Just remember that what she did eas serious and doesn't sound like something you will be able to bear with in the future. And honestly, I don't think you will be able to trust her again.
You are not losing anything by breaking up with her. There are many better girls around you and CLOSER. Good luck!
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