A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys,I posted a while back about wheather to tell my long distance boyfriend that I'd had a miscariage. I didn't know I was pregnant and there was complications with the miscariage I was very ill. Of course I told him and ever since things have been a bit rough. He refuses to talk about it so I don't push it with him but he was very upset at the time. Because of my situation at home I have no one else to talk to about this and I feel very alone. My friend just had a baby (she announced she was pregnant not long before I miscaried) and I'm finding it so hard to deal with especially since everyone is talking about her baby. (Ofc I'm very happy for her he's a beautiful baby) but I wish I had someone to confide in about this. I feel my boyfriend should be more supportive and I resent him a bit for refusing to talk about it. It took a long time to recover physically and I'm hurt that he never seemed to care about me. Do I just have to get through this on my own? I feel like he's angry that I lost his child.
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male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (20 June 2011):
 i would guess its pretty confusing for him to you its a big deal the baby was in you you went through all the physical pain, and i would say had a connection with the baby because it was in you. i dont think you can expect a guy to understand how you have been affected by this... you say you want him to talk about it but at his age i doubt he can fully comprehend the situtation... and really from a guy perspective i dont think i would want to talk about it kind of freaks me out and what can i possibly do about it.. but being that im a bit older i would probably listen to you and try to indulge you and atleast give you a shoulder to lean on... but if your BF is your age this is difficult forhimto understand and many grown men would have a hard time givng the support needed in a situation like this..
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (19 June 2011):
This may be a bit too personal, but why were you trying to have a baby in an LDR relationship, at such a young age? It is sad to lose a child in such a way and having the one person who is supposed to support you in this go cold on you.
Losing a child at any age is an emotional event, one where you should be surrounded by loved ones to help you through. The fact you seem to have to face on on your own, at the age of 16/17 is bad. How did your situation at home become so bad you can't confide in your parents, who should be concerned about your wellbeing?
As for your boyfriend, I cannot know why he is acting like this, I can only guess. You will have to ask him the reasons behind his behavior. But one things seems crystal clear: in time of need, when push comes to shove, he hasn't done what he's supposed to be doing. Being there for you. He's showing his true colors now.
You might get angry at me for saying this, but this horrible miscarriage was a blessing in disguise because the circumstances you have been dealing with aren't right to raise a child in. Raising a child is no picknick and though you may be very responsible and mature for your age, you cannot do it on your own, not with a support system that backs you up no matter what. Try to set that up and a future for yourself before you think about bringing another human being into this world.
Talk to your boyfriend, push him if you need to because you are deserving of someone who cares about you. If that person isn't him--and from what you've written it seems this way-- you're better off without him.
Sorry if I come across as harsh, I don't mean to. I wish you the best in this difficult time.
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A
male
reader, Sex_counsellor +, writes (19 June 2011):
 Guys often find this very difficult to deal with as well as of course the women involved. These situations are very stressful and upsetting for anyone but particularly challenging at your age and with the fact that a friend of yours has just had a baby. I would suggest that you sought counselling to help you and your bf get through this. You are right that your boyfriend should be more supportive but he may be finding it hard to come to terms with the miscarriage.
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