A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey, so this is my first relationship ever, and him and i have been in a relationship for over a year now, he's over seas right now so we video call, instant message or call each other but he speaks to me really disrespectfully. So i asked him about it, and he was like, i'll start respecting you when you show me that your worthy of respect, so i got so confuse and i got really up set and just left (we were instant messaging) later he e-mailed me and said that 'i talk that way towards everybody including my sister, that doesn't mean o don't respect them, respect comes from the heart, i has nothing to do with the way one speaks and you have to learn how to accept other peoples flaws and fine points it's called love and i no longer want to talk about it so please end this discussion here.' i e-mailed him back a week later and didn't end the discussion as he'd asked me to instead i told him that in the beginning of our relationship, i spoke towards him really casually and he was like, please speak to me with respect, and i started to, and love isn't about just acceptance it's also about compromise and that i don't really care about the way he speaks to me, but if he speaks to me the way he does, he'll sound uneducated in front of my parent and family and what really hurt me was the fact that you don't think that i'm worthy of respect and that was it i ended the e-mail and he hasn't contacted me still, it's been over a week, usually we e-mail back and forth daily and either call each other or video call weekly, so i just feel really lost now, the person i usually go to for advice, i don't really get to talk that person anymore, we never have any privacy for me to tell him, please help me!! i don't know if i should give in and e-mail him or stand with my head heal high and wait for him to e-mail me, i can't wait much longer... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys so much! I broke up with this guy a few months after i'd postef this. It was all too mich drama and HE wasnt worth all that stress i d to handle.
And now, four years later, im happily married to a very loving and RESPECTFUL husband. Im very grateful to you guys and this guy i posted about. Because had i never met him i never wouldve learned what qualities i want in my spouse and our relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys so much! I broke up with this guy a few months after i'd posted this. It was all too much drama and HE wasnt worth all that stress i d to handle. And now, four years later, im happily married to a very loving and RESPECTFUL husband. I'm very grateful to you guys and this guy i posted about. Because had i never met him i never wouldve learned what qualities i want in my spouse and our relationship.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 November 2011):
 " i'll start respecting you when you show me that your worthy of respect"
and what pray tell have you done that makes him think you are not WORTHY of his respect?
I'm betting nothing...
stand your ground.
seriously I do not think he will ever treat you with respect...
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): I agree stand your ground. If he's talking to you like this now and you guys are only going out a short time imagine what he would be like if you were together a couple of years, or married. Respect works both ways. You should take each others opinions on board, compromise, in an argument there should be no name calling either, both people should be able to talk calmly to resolve any issues.He needs to learn he can't just talk to you any way he wants, you are his girlfriend, so demand respect, by doing this it shows you respect yourself. Also he may be under stress with work or studying, so give him space to think over your conversations and make him realise he was being a jerk.Good luck.x
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (19 November 2011):
 Stick to your grounds. He is being disrespectful the way he is talking to you and he should show you more respect. It is not nice, he is putting you down which is not good at all. Show him that he cannot treat you like this and don't go running back to him emailing him until he gets in contact with you, that's what he wants. He is the one that is in the wrong here not you so stand your ground and show him you are worth more than the way he is treating you.
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