A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Some relevant background: I have something akin to either PMDD or a thyroid disorder, having really bad luck with doctors but trying to work through it. My boyfriend, for his part, is bipolar, but medicated.We had a conversation yesterday where he kept calling me lazy and repeatedly told me that "if I followed the path I'm on I'm going to become a fatass." (right now I'm 5'9" and 120lbs.) I got pretty upset with him and told him he didn't know what he was talking about and that he needed to watch what he was saying, but he kept pushing the lazy thing, since I don't get much exercise when I'm away at school. Yesterday alone though, I reviewed 15 chapters of Cicero, translated 50 lines of Greek, and wrote a 500 word German essay (and that's a light day for me!) so I got pretty offended at the lazy comments and still more offended when he told me everything else I was doing didn't matter-- if I wasn't working out, I was still lazy.We kind of worked through it, and I took a Klonopin for anxiety and sort of checked out. Around two I asked him if he wanted to go to bed, and he got kinda pissy and said he'd wanted to go to bed for an hour. He said "call me" (we'rd LD to top it off) and I told him I was still pretty drained and didn't feel much like talking, if he didn't mind. He got REALLY upset then and started hauling off on me once we did eventually get on the phone about...just a ton of random things, none of which seemed very related to the topic at hand.And now this morning he sent me an IM saying he didn't think we had a future together. I don't know what to do. On some level, we've been dating well over two years and I really care about him. On another though, I'm so so sick of these scenarios. I feel like he expects me to be perfect and in-sync with him 100% of the time and to me that's just not rational.Am I out of line? Is he? Are we both? Should we just scrap it, or try to make this work? I'm absolutely clueless right now. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, honestman  +, writes (19 February 2012):
YOU ARE NOT LAZY."right now I'm 5'9" and 120lbs."You are on a healthy weight!Please read this and see if he fits in the description:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder"Am I out of line? Is he? Are we both? Should we just scrap it, or try to make this work? I'm absolutely clueless right now."You have two choices. You stay with him, or you leave him.If you stay with him, and decide to marry him, this kind of stuff will keep coming back ALWAYS. He is a bipolar, remember that. Being with a bipolar IS NOT easy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2012): "Am I out of line?"
Nope.
"Is he?"
Yep or he may be going through a serious depressive episode.
OP first off help understand your need to medicate. I never understand how doctors in your country just hand out pills like sweets. Feeling a bit down because your favourite character in a TV show died? Here have a Prozac. Feeling a little anxious because you had another fight with your boyfriend? Here have a Klonopin. The side effects of those drugs far outweigh the benefits unless you have a seriously debilitating disorder.
Here in Ireland our doctors just tell us to go have a nice warm bath, go do something fun, read a book, watch a comedy or other kind of natural way to relax. You Americans are strange and lazy, you'd rather take a pill to fix your mood instead of dealing with the problems or reasons you feel that way.
My rant has a point to it OP, you both are basically drugged up and emotionally unstable. He's Bipolar and you medicate for anxiety. That sounds like a recipe for constant conflict to me. Add to that the fact you're long distance and he's right it'e very unlikely you have a future together.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 February 2012):
 You are LDR and I think with his behavior so upsetting to you that you are better off at bare minimum taking a break from each other.
IF he had you so upset over his OPINION that you needed to take a Klonopin then I think this may be a toxic relationship for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2012): Sounds like he was trying to get you to end it by insulting you,causing an argument,then when you didn't do as he wanted, he had to finish it himself.
Sorry, but for now I think your better to leave him be, he may calm down,he may not. But do you really want him as a boyfriend anymore?
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