A
male
age
30-35,
*zibit33
writes:I've been dating this girl for a while now. Today makes it 5 months. She's in a different country from me, so there's the first problem of distance. However, we try to overcome it.First of all, I found out she had sex with a friend of mine, shortly before we dated (then she was dating another guy). She owned up. Then I went visiting for a week, I saw she had to use glasses after watching TV for some hours. Then I found out she had acute menstrual pains every month. Still we kept on. Then once (when I had returned home) she confessed she was a masochist. Some weeks later, she told me she had sinusitis. By now I was getting scared. Shortly after, she told me she had a kind of sickness: deficiency of lead in her body and she needed drugs. Then one day, she said she had to confess something to me personally.I went visiting her last month and she confessed she was once a lesbian, and her partner was begging her to return (her partner had travelled abroad for abour 3 years). Then she also told me she once cheated on her ex with a boy she just knew, and they had sex in the open. Preposterous!!Now I'm so confused I don't know if I can continue..she has two male exes wanting her back. One is mighty rich and stays just around her. She has a female ex who's returning home and wants her back. The first BF she had is just 3 blocks away from her, but I'm miles away (though she claimed to have dated the guy for just 5 days and are just platonic. SShe has severe menstrual pains, masochism, sinusitis, acute leg pain when she stands for long, lead deficiency, and urinary tract issues. Please, what do I do??
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cheated on me, drugs, her ex, lesbian Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2014): I feel for you man, but honestly to me, from reading your story this woman sounded all over the place to begin with. She sounded like she likes to be the centre of attention all the time. She also cheated numerous times on ex boyfriends, that would have put me off right away and I certainly wouldn't have got into a LDR with such a woman. Sorry, this girl is reckless and selfish and an attention seeker, and girls like her are often if not always, trouble in the end. You're better off away from her. Good luck for the future.
A
male
reader, xzibit33 +, writes (23 January 2014):
xzibit33 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks all. Been a while. Just it update, she did finally cheat on me :(
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A
male
reader, xzibit33 +, writes (31 December 2012):
xzibit33 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks aunts and uncles... I really appreciate your help. All is well now
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 December 2012):
 I think you just realized she is a real human being not some fantasy.
If she doesn't live up to your standard then end it.
I agree with SVC too, you are nitpicking to find faults with her and most of the things you bring up are rather ridiculous.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2012): If she wanted attention from guys I'm sure she wouldn't get it by telling them about all her illnesses. Girls usually resort to flirting and revealing too much of their bodies to get attention.
As for the likelihood she'll cheat, well maybe she will maybe she won't. Has she given you an explanation why she cheated on those in the past?
*Did they cheat on her first?
*Were they no good for her?
*Did she hate being in those relationships and just wanted out, so she sought the escape route by cheating?
Or did she just cheat because the opportunity was given, and she simply couldn't resist?
In both case, I don't think cheating would be influenced by the distance between you both. If a person is capable if freely giving themselves to another person for the fun of it, they will do so whether their partner is near or far, in my opinion.
I am sure about one thing though, and that is if you're having doubts about this relationship being stable enough to continue, then you need to honest with her. Rejection hurts, yes, but it hurts far less than being lied to, led on, and deceived, as I found out (twice) recently with a girl long distance. Its better to tell her if you have too bad a feeling about her to continue in this relationship, that way she'll know where she stands. The worse thing to do is hide your true thoughts and feelings from her and continue allowing her to think all is great in the relationship, that is misleading.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (28 December 2012):
 I agree with SVC, I really don't see the problem with anything. She sounds normal and she was up front. She gets cramps and colds like all other women do, she has exes, like most people do. Almost every woman has had urinary tract issues at least once. Nothing you are saying sounds remotely weird or bad to me, you are basically making a list of why she is biologically a human and faulting her for it. I don't see the problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2012): I think you might mean she is low in iron not lead. You don't sound as if you like this girl very much, so I would end things and look for someone you feel more suited to.
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A
male
reader, xzibit33 +, writes (28 December 2012):
xzibit33 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSVC, it's very nice of u to help me out here. I joined u in helping someone out earlier. The LD isn't a problem.
1. The fact that she's cheated on both her exs means I may not be treated differently.
2. I don't complain about the menstrual pain cos it's normal. I merely added it to support.
3.She claims to gain pleasure from pain, that's something I still can't relate with.
4. And again, I'm not complaining about the sinusitis...it's just complementing the fact that I've got to worry about too much sicknesses.
5. She has lead deficiency. It happens maybe once in 3 months.. During this time, she has very severe pains on her fingers
6. She was once a lesbian AND she had lesbian relationships
7. It's good that her exs want her back. But I feel insecure as one is extremely rich and lives just around her. They still communicate
AND the main one which she told me today... She sometimes cannot control her bladder. Meaning she has to wee on her body/bed.
I'm sorry if I may sound insensitive, but it's just the spate of the mind that's prompted my writings. Hope I've made everything clearer.
Anticipating replies
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (28 December 2012):
Congratulations on finding every single thing wrong with her. I personally would never date a girl with lead deficiency.
The worst is that she should have moved as far away as possible after she dated that guy for 5 days!
If you don't have a sarcasm detector then let me spell it out for you: dump her. Your reasoning is rediculous but you obviously are looking for excuses so you should just go and find someone without menstrual pain so you can be happy and concentrate on their good qualities.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 December 2012):
 I have to admit I was a bit shocked at the issues you raise as problems in your relationship.
The biggest concern with an LDR is when won’t it be an LDR… in other words, who is moving to be with who and when are they moving. IF there are no plans to end the distance then there is not truly a relationship going on. Just friends that visit now and then.
Now let’s address your issues…
1. She had sex with a friend of yours BEFORE she dated you. This is not an issue in my opinion. It was before you were in the picture. You say she “owned up” what do you mean by that?
2. She has acute menstrual pain every month… so do most young women… I don’t see how this is an issue at all.
3. She says she is a masochist…. Do you know what she means… did she elaborate? Did she ask if you were a sadist? Does she expect you to fufill the role of sadist for her?
4. She had a bout of sinusitis… so? People get colds, allergies, sinusitis… it’s part and parcel of being human. So other than her masochism you are getting scared about WHAT specifically?
5. I have heard of too much lead in the body and that causes brain damage but low lead I’m not familiar with, what medications does she need, is it life threatening, how does it affect her day to day and is it permanent or short term?
6. She was ONCE a lesbian? Or she had a lesbian relationship once… because they are two different things…. People’s sexual orientation is rarely fluid. You are straight, you are gay, you are bi-sexual. You don’t choose your sexual orientation. You are what you are
7. She has ex-boyfriends that want her. That’s nice does she want them?
Has she lied to you?
Has she cheated on you?
Your laundry list of things wrong with this woman is almost laughable to me….
Personally if you have doubts and concerns, then she’s not the right woman for you.
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