A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I am seeking advice from those experienced in long distant relationships. I recently began seeing a guy about a month ago. We had class together and at the end of the quarter, started hanging out. During finals weeks/spring break, we spent a lot of time together and really got to know one another. I've dated quite a few people and so has he and there was something really special about our new friendship.We both knew he was going to be moving out of the country with his parents for a year and would return back. I am still here attending school. With that in mind, we had many talks about whether it was a good idea or not to get into a relationship. It seemed inevitable, decided to go for it and so far, we've been making it work.It's been a month now since he's been gone and we've developed a routine of regularly using FaceTime or SnapChat to communicate. It has been awfully sad not having him around but I've done my best to proceed with my life. He hasn't had much opportunity to meet people where he is at and has pretty much stayed home with his nagging parents. He is working out daily, and still maintaining a healthy diet. (Something we both think is so important)We were both really independent individuals before meeting each other and I think our views on how relationships should work are very similar...only you can make yourself happy, not being with someone...communication...etc...(it's much more in depth than that but I'm sure that's not important) Anyway, within the last few days, I've been just wanting to talk less and less because I know that there's not much we can do about our relationship now. We are both very sad and talking so frequently reminds us of how much we wish we could be together. I do miss him but I don't want to be sad all of the time. I figure it would be best to stick with talking a few times a week and slow down a bit. I am crazy about him and I know the feeling is mutual. I also really believe that we are going to still be together when he returns so I almost feel like we shouldn't rush things and talk so often...if that makes sense?I guess I'm asking for advice because I want to speak to him about this and I just don't know how to put what I'm feeling into words. Communication is very important to us and in some of our already heavy conversations, we've both come out strong and saw how much potential this relationship has. Does anyone know how I'm feeling??? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LuvHurts +, writes (15 April 2014):
i suggest being honest and straight forward and tell him how you feel. i am involved in a LDR myself and i can tell you there are times where there really aren't much to talk about, especially when we talked on a daily basis. there will be moments of awkward silence. try playing online games together or catch up on current events and talk about that.
A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (14 April 2014):
 I'm not understanding why you feel you need to talk to him less, especially when you say you miss him so much. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. I would imagine you'd actually look forward to times spent with him on Facetime or the phone. Please don't dwell on the fact that you're apart. Each time you talk, look forward to the next time you can be together again. Reminisce about things you shared together in person. Plan and make a list of things you both wanna do when you're together again. It is definitely difficult to have the person you love so far away.. but you can still do things together. I'm in a LDR and my BF and I talk/facetime every night, sometimes for an hour and sometimes we'd talk through the night. We talk about our day, our friends, family, life in general or just silly things. We have online movie dates too. We set times to meet in person every couple of months and we look forward to that. I know you can make it work too! You should definitely talk to him about how you feel. It might be best to leave it open to talking whenever you have time or want to.. not set a specific time limit, such as only talk 3 days per week. There will be times you talk more or times where you talk less.. just do whatever comes naturally. But definitely look on the bright side and look forward to the day you will meet again.. Best of luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2014): I've done long distance too OP.Honesty and empathy go a long way.It doesn't matter what words you use, it's the overall message and tone.Give him the information in a sandwich pack; ie tell him the positive things about your relationship so far, how you really have a connection (positive stuff) then give him the difficult negative part ie how hard it is for you to facetime all the time since it makes you miss him more. Then end it with more positive stuff and say how can't wait for him to be back and how you want to keep in contact with each other but maybe twice a week so you don't feel too hooked and deprived.So positive, negative, positive.FYI, I did long distance for over a year but we spoke almost daily on skype and what not. When we couldn't speak, we texted. It was very important for us to keep that connection and it worked like a charm. By all means have a social life, but you run the risk of growing distant if you don't make the effort. Some people are just not cut out for long distance so really think about whether this is working for you and come up with a plan together of how to meet your needs.Good luck!
...............................
|
