A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ive been in a long distance relationship for 2 years now. He;s my bestfriend, my everything. whenever im having a bad day i call him. even though we have been dateing for 2 years, we've only been in love for a year. when i first fell for this man i was so happy, and he was happy. we would text eachother all day, making eachother laugh and smile. then after we got off work and got home we'd call eachother and we would talk for up to 8 hours every single night.now, things have changed. he use to lisen to me when i would have a bad day and cheer me up and make me smile in no time, but now whenever ever i tell him about my day he like tunes me out and only hears half of what im saying. i never do that to him, i always wanna lisen and make him feel happy again.he still says hes in love with me. calls me beautful everyday. we still talk on the phone at night, but he just doesnt seem happy as he was. and we use to always talk about meeting up and what it will be like when we first see eachother and we would smile, now everytime i wanna talk about it he just agrees with everything im saying and thats it. he doesnt say anything like he use to. it makes me feel like hes giving up and tired or bored of this whole thing.and when we use to get into our immature fights and we would get off the phone with eachother he would text me like 10 mins later saying dont be mad at me, or he would say i dont wanna see you go to bed mad, call me back. or just a simple im sorry and i love you. ya know.. the little things that showed me i had his heart. now everytime we fight he says horriable stuff and i start to cry and he hangs up, and i try and text him but never texts back till the next day and trys to act like nothing happened.he use to make time to text me cute stuff during the day, now im lucky if he even texts me first.now from all this im saying your proubley thinking hes not in love anymore, but he still says i love you before we hang up, he still says im in love with you, and im the only girl he wants to be with, and he cant live without me. i dont know what to do. i feel he is falling out of love with me and it hurts me everyday cause thats all i think about. but i cant pull my self back from him, im so in love with him. he was the man of my dreams for a year ina half and not these past 6 months he's changed? how could this happen? is this commen.. i feel so hopeful but i dont know how to handle it, everytime we get on the phone now all i feel like doing is crying..please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2013): @ the male anonymous, watch cat fish? haha that made me laugh honesly.. half of those peole on that show have never syped let alone had a 8 hour conversation on the phone with the person they 'love'
ive skped him plenty of times, and we sometimes even face time eachother on our phones.
@ so_very_confused we have already booked our tickets. and he is plaining to pick me up at the airport. so yes thats kind of a set date type thing.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 June 2013):
 OP perhaps you should have checked my profile. I have a few areas of special interest including LDRs.
I have done LDRs. The last LDR I did resulted in my marrying my current husband. I understand them totally. One of my best friends and her husband have been LDR from day one and will be for another 2 years.
I am not saying you do not have a relationship and I won't go as far as the anonymous male poster and say your bf is a stranger, BUT again I have to reiterate that if you have not spent ANY time together face to face and it's been two years, then I do not hold out much hope of this relationship working out.
While DE to CA is a long LDR it's not insurmountable and to you my two hour car drive probably seemed like a daily commute (and there were days that it was a daily commute towards the middle when he was still in his apartment and I was in what is now our home.
So you have college and jobs and bills. So do all adults. I had a home, adult children, (including a disabled adult child I pay support for) pets (including an aged disabled pet) IN the beginning I had a whole mess to deal with.
I had to pay my mortgage, my child support, my other bills and I had to make arrangements with a dog walker to come in and take care of my pets when I drove up to see my then boyfriend. ONE trip to him cost around 75 dollars just in gas and tolls Add in the dog walker and going to visit my BF for a weekend ran me around $150 and I did it once we were serious EVERY WEEKEND.
I get that LDRs are a PITA and are expensive. I stand my my statements to you.
When I was in college I met a man in florida. He lived in a different country. We managed to see each other face to face one more time and realized that it wasn't going to work because being on vacation is not the same as being together in real life and we found out our real lives did not mesh well. That's why I do not want you put your everything into worrying about a relationship that while it feels real, is more of a way for you to avoid real life.
You guys actually have a perfect set up for meeting if you really wanted to. find places half way between your states and cheap air fares and do long weekends in those places. Perhaps you two have not pushed for a meeting because this is safer and easier to say "I have a boyfriend/girlfriend" so I can't date you [a local person] and yet you do NOTHING to even attempt to MEET this person who is supposedly the love of your life.
I'm betting you could have found round trip airfare to some podunk town in the midwest for under 200 round trip, same for him and then a motel 6 for 75 per night... if those costs put you off then you are not at a point in your life to have an LDR.
There are several things LDRS need in addition to what close relationships need. (trust, commitment, honesty, communication)
1. Money to travel to see each other. IF you cannot afford to meet after two years... when you meet in september (btw do you have a date and a plan and isn't school in session in September?) what's the plan after?
2. Time off from work if the distance is not a weekend drive (such as yours but a day or two here or there is not a huge deal there have been plenty of 3 days weekends over the last two years have there not?)
3. A plan to end the distance... the point of LDRs is to NOT be LDRs. so again I ask, what's your plan to end the distance.... oh wait you do not have one because you have not MET this guy yet. Yes you have talked on the phone, yes you have sent pictures. maybe you have had phone sex or cyber sex or sent dirty pictures of each other. I'm sure you talk at night and whisper all the things you think you want with this guy.
You say you have college and jobs... I did that too... still managed to find money and time... your college and jobs are a smoke screen.
It's possible as September (and your supposed visit) get closer he realizes that the jig is up and he is either going to have to fish or cut bait and now that it's TIME TO BUY THE TICKETS for the visit he's got to put you off somehow because the game of pretending you have a relationship is almost over.
I know you think you love this guy. And you may find if you ever get to meet him, that you do and it can work out. BUT until you two have regularly scheduled visits and can confirm that you can be a couple in real life, then for right now it's fantasy.
You say you are meeting in September. It's nearly July... so let me ask you...do you two have a date for when you are meeting? Do you have your tickets purchased and a hotel booked? Did you make a location for where to meet?
NO? why not... if it was me and I was planning to meet my long term 2 year boyfriend for the first time in under three months you bet everything would be locked in place already.
Yes what I am saying is painful and hard to hear but I'm betting that NO firm plans for this september visit are in place. IF you are both so sure of this visit and this relationship then make the plans and get back to me and prove me wrong. And if you are afraid to push him to do this, then you know in your heart and your gut that something is not right in the situation.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2013): "but not to sound rude, which i mean this in the nicest way possible, i didnt come on here to have someone tell me that my relationship isnt a real relationship."Not to sound rude, but talking to a voice on the telephone isn't a real relationship. You know nothing about him other than what he's told you (which is mostly everything he knows you want to hear), and you have no way of verifying if anything he's told you about himself is true. In answer to your question, there is no way of knowing why things have changed between you and the anonymous voice on the other end of the phone because he was a total stranger two years ago and he remains a total stranger today, assuming he is really a "he." I suggest you catch this week's episode of MTV's "Catfish" in which a very naïve young woman discovers (SPOILER ALERT) the "man of her dreams" she's never met is in reality her female best friend who co-opted the face of a model's Facebook page and enlisted her male cousin to engage in phone sex to lift her out of a two-year depression.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2013): @ so_very_confused.
we do have a relationship, just because its long distance does not mean its not just as serious as if you were face to face. and until your actually in a long distance relationship, its hard to understand.
we have not met yet because he lives in california and i live in delaware. we do not have enouph money at the moment to get a plane ticket. we have college, and house bills to pay. plus its hard to take off of work when you have bills (which im sure you understand)
we plane to see eachother this september bc we both can take our vacations at our job.
but not to sound rude, which i mean this in the nicest way possible, i didnt come on here to have someone tell me that my relationship isnt a real relationship.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 June 2013):
So let me get this straight,
you are in an LDR with your boyfriend for two years and yet you have NOT met him yet face to face?
At this point you will not like what I have to tell you… but until you meet face to face and have regularly scheduled visits it’s not a real relationship. You may meet face to face and find that there is NO chemistry in real life.
You are 21 and I assume he is about the same age… how far apart do you live? Less than a 4 hour plane ride and there is NO excuse for having NOT met at this point. Even if you are halfway around the world, after 2 years if you guys were serious about this you would have/should have met by now.
Words are cheap… actions matter.. when do you two plan to end the distance?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2013): I can feel your pain. This is what exactly happened to me. My ex and I were together for 4 years and long distance for 2 years. He used to talk a lot about getting married and having kids when we reunited. He even told me how much he loved me a week before he dumped me, two months before we could see each other. He left me without any reasons or closure. I completely lost myself because I tried to be understanding and never got angry with him when he did something to hurt me. He stepped on my dignity and threw me away like rubbish. LDR is difficult. Talk to him about how you feel. If he doesn't care, walk away with your pride.
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