A
female
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anonymous
writes:Me and my bf have a long distance r/ship and I honestly feel like ending it. I constantly feel like I'm not good enough for him, that maybe he doesnt feel the same way for me and maybe hes interesting in someone else.Since its a logn distance r/ship, keeping in contact through text messages, email, msn etc would be even more important (compared to a normal r/ship) right? Well, part of the problem is that I feel like my bf ignores me sometimes. Quite often (it happens atleast once a week, if not more times) he wont reply to my texts, emails etc and when we are talking on msn he will just stop talking or wont say goodbye.When I question him about this, he usualy doesnt have a reason, sometimes he will have some lame excuse like 'ohh i forgot' or 'i was busy'. Fair enough if hes a forgetful person, but the thing is, ive known him for a while and hes not! He hasnt always been like this. When we first met and started our r/ship he never ignored me like this. So I dont buy the 'i forgot' line. And the 'im busy' excuse- well, he has PLENTY of time to message all these other girls and his mates on his facebook, but not me? He insists nothings wrong.So I dont know what to do. It really upsets me when he does this. I cant help but feel its more then him being forgetful or 'busy'. If it only happened here and there id deal with that, but its happening more then once a week, so its really geting me down.Any ideas why he is doing this? he was never like this at first. What do i do?? its ruining my self esteem. By the way we are both 20 years old.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): hes backing off because the distance is to much! OR HE DOES NOT WANT YOU TO GET SICK OF HIM OR HIM OF YOU! I WOULDNT WORRY! GO WITH THE FLOW AS THE PERSON UNDERNEATH SAID! GOODLUCK!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): I agree with bluekev. I am currantly in a LDR and sometimes i dont call my girl for a week, then she calls me and blows up...little does she know i am thinking about her constantly during the period we dont speak ..24 hours 7 days a week!! and planning our next convosation and looking foward to it! Its just what us guys do, so i wouldnt worry (mind you i am at that part of the relationship where we are comfertable not speaking for a while, we have reached that comfert level, and sometimes speaking everyday on the phone can get boring or mundane and we will get sick of eachother.. now thats something you dont want in a LDR!!) so relax and go with the flow... GOODLUCK!
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male
reader, bluekev  +, writes (11 February 2009):
Was the relationship new when he was responding more. The one thing that has changed is how long you have been communicating. Also the not seeing you a lot could be a factor. I think he is becoming complacent not loosing interest. Its just when you don't see someone as often it doesn't feel as intense. But he insists nothings wrong is because you havnt turned him off. In other words the distance is the only problem. If you lived near him I honestly don't think it would be a problem. He insists nothing is wrong because when he tries to think of a reason he wouldn't date you he can't think of one. But since you arent around a lot people tend to forget things. The only thing that is hurting this relationship is distance. Things become less real when we don't see them everyday. I live on the east coast of the united states a few miles from New York City. The only time I ever see a buffalo is a stuffed one in a museum or a painting of one. Maybe on tv every now and then. But in real life I never see one. Until I went on a vacation to the Western part of America Buffalo and Unicorns were almost in the same category in my mind. One was a mythical creature I had never seen. One was a real creature I had never seen so it almost seemed mythical. Then when i headed west in 1999 I saw a real buffalo up close in Arizona. Saw a few hundred buffalo in 2002 at yellowstone national park. the creature then became more real to me. They just don't live wear I live. People sometimes become less tangible and real when we don't see them for a while. We don't dislike them or anything its just that there never around. If you 2 were around each other more often it would solve this problem. When a guy can't think of a reason to break up with you it means he likes you and likes dating you
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
I understand that for some people not replyng within a 'reasonable' amount of time is normal- some people may take days for whatever reason. However, think some of yo missed a key point- he never used to do this- this isnt him- so why the sudden change? You dont just suddenly become forgetful. You if he has time to message all his mates (and i mean have full on conversations via facebook comments), then why doesnt he have time to respond to me? how can he say hes too busy? still doesnt make sense to me.
i havent told him im thinking of ending it, maybe i should like some of you suggested.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): Hi anonymous. I think your relationship problem with your boyfriend is not an unusual one, especially since it is a long distance one. I think you should just come out plainly and tell him what's on your mind. Let him know your issues and pummel him with series of questions and if he can't give you straight answers then let him know you're willing to quit. There's no point in being in a relationship in which both parties are separated almost all of the time cos you both need to see and feel each other amongst other things, and most of all, especially if one party seems to lack interest in the relationship. They say "out of sight is out of mind." It may be just the case.
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female
reader, Annieapple  +, writes (11 February 2009):
Well I am terrible at getting back to people’s texts and emails. I tend to read them and if I don’t reply straight away because I am at work or busy I sometimes forget. This doesn’t mean anything, I do it to my boyfriend all the time and he understands. In a long distance relationship though I can see that yo have to make an extra effort. I know you have spoken to your boyfriend but have you actually told him that you feel like ending it? Perhaps he doesn’t realise how much it bothers you. If you speak to him and he doesn’t change then you have a choice. Be with him as he is or leave him. You can’t force someone to change.
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male
reader, bluekev +, writes (11 February 2009):
Yea its interesting what we do as human beings. And we sometimes don't have the ability to put ourselves in another persons shoes. About a month ago there was agirl I was texting and it would drive me up the wall when I wouldn't get a reply back withen 5 minnutes. It made me crazy. Now I have a girl who is the same way with me. She is constantly texting all the time. If I don't get back to her right away she freeks out. But because I remember what it is like to be on the other side of this I understand why she is like this. So I am sympathetic to her. But had I not been in the previous situation wear I was going crazy not knowing what the girl who wouldn't respond to me was doing. A few years ago I would sometimes take a few days or a week to get back to someone. And most of the times I had no problem with them whatsoever. I wasn't mad at all. I probobly felt comfortable with them. This could actually be a sign that your boyfriend feels comfortable enough in the relationship that he doesn't think you will ditch him or get mad. also a lot of the times when a guy is not getting back to a girl guess what we are doing. We are daydreaming about the girl. And thinking of the last convo. We sometimes don't get back right away for the same reason you may want to keep the conversation going after you tell a realy funny joke. Or wish the soccer (football) game could end right after you score the goal. Why do we think this way. Well sometimes we don't want to mess it up. I have actualy called a girl and not called her back for 4 days. But little does she know that during those four days im daydreaming about our last convo. And planning my next convo with her. I reliving the awesome memory of our last conversation. I know this may sound weird to agirl. But all guys do this. So just because he isn't getting back to you doesn't mean he isn't thinking of you. Most of the time it means he is.
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female
reader, VampyricHybrid +, writes (11 February 2009):
 Talk to him about it. I'm sorry to say but long distance is very hard, I had a boyfriend that did that to me once it turned out he was seeing another girl in real life. I'm not saying that's what he's doing but you may want to ask him about it and talk it through.-Good Luck,Really.
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