A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is quite tough for me to come out and admit this, but here goes: I have been together with my soon to be wife for over 3 years(we are engaged for about 8 months now). We have been living together for the entirety of our engagement, as I proposed to her when we decided to buy a house. throughout the entirety of our relationship, our sex life has been great! However, I am finding that lately I am just unable to perform. I'm still fairly young, and have a pretty active lifestyle. I know that this bothers her because I can see it in her face. She innitiates something, and I just turn her away. I do love her, and find her very attractive, I just do not know why I am feeling this way. We both work at the same job, so we see each other all the time, we rarely get into fights, and both work the same hours (9 hours a day). I was wondering if the stress of my job would contribute to this, or possibly the fact that we are both overworked (all though this doesn't seem to effect her). I want to please her, and want it to have feeling for myself. What can I do to help this situation?
View related questions:
engaged, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (22 May 2007):
 I think your work is part of your problem, like you said, you're working long and hard hours and will be tired when you come home at night. The fact you both work together won't help either and it's all just getting you down. "Is this it?" "Is this what life's all about?" These kinds of questions will be running through your mind. What you need is some "me time", time to yourself for a couple of hours away from your partner. Go for a drive or a long walk by yourself and get your thoughts together. Think about all the things you like about her, why you got together in the first place and how she makes you feel.
You're just feeling a bit stifled at the moment with life in general and probably wish there were more hours in the day. You may even be wondering if marrying is the right thing to do. It's obvious from your letter that you care for her very deeply and want to sort this out but the more you think about "performing" the more you'll be unable to.
I'm sure both of you could do with some time alone, even if it's only for an hour, it will help rejuvenate your batteries and you'll look forward to being with her again once you've had a bit of "de stress" time.
Another suggestion would be to abstain from sex for one or two weeks. Let her know you want to try it but reassure her you still love her, it's just an experiment you want to try. No intimate contact whatsoever though, kissing is fine but nothing more. I'm sure after your 2 weeks are up you'll be desperate to make love to her again AND you'll find you have no problems doing so. ;o)
Eve
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (22 May 2007):
 Sometimes, what happens to monogamous couples is that your bodies stop producing certain hormones to attract each other becuase you are around each other so much, that your bodies get the signals of "already had sex there, and already impregnanted that". One of the ways to help combat this is to go out together and people watch. Go to a fashio show, or out on the town. People watch, and interact with other attractive couples. Your bodies will pick up on the fact you are both still attractive to others, and the energies will flow through you both then.
Try it. The night off will do you both a favor too. Work is important, but meaningless if you go home to a broken relationship.
-FBK
...............................
A
male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (22 May 2007):
Sounds like your libido has dropped significantly.
Stress does affect the male libido, as does being overweight, and other health factors.
You should go see a doctor who specializes in this. The cure may be as simple as the two of you engaging in physical activities outside the home together. Go for an hour long walk every day. Just a walk, or a slow job. No need to run. Eat healthy together.
Working on a healthy lifestyle together can positively effect both your libidos, to the point where she wants it more for the pleasure and less for the fear of losing you.
Take the time now to reassure her that you love her. Go with her to see the doctor to consult on the problem. I'm pretty sure she's probably becoming afraid that you don't love her anymore. You need to reassure her, and involve the both of you in some kind of activity that will help both of you jump start your love life. Moderate exercise can help, as well as good, solid, healthy foods.
...............................
|
