A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i have no idea who else i can ask, but i feel sometimes its best to get advise from strangers, hope you understand. i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and i really love him. he is my first real and serious relationship. im 19 and he is 20. when we first started going out, he was really crazy and young in the head. but was really stupid enough to tell me and my mum all about his past relationships. and i mean everything abut them, and all the sexual details. my mum just died at all this personal stuff he had told us about himself and could not believe that i was going out with someone like that. Well yeah neither could i but there was just something about him... and now its been two years. i recently discovered the other day, out of no where, just a thought and impulse in my head and heart, that my boyfriend is not someone i can ever marry. he is no longer that boy from 2 years ago. he is a different person now. i have really changed him- not that i ever wanted to but we fell in love and thats what happens i suppose. his family love me, and have told me that they are so happy he found someone like me, and that they already see us as being married. thats very strong to say i know. and yes i would one day love to marry him but deep in my heart i cant. i can not seem to shake off the person my boyfriend used to be. im not one of these people who can just move from person to person. but thats exactly the person he used to be. in total i am his 12th girlfriend. and because of what he once told me and my mum, to me i am just a number. i know everything about all of them. and i hate that. i cry all the time. i really love him. im not to young to know what love is. but i fear i cant move on from what is hurting. not all his relationships were serious. but some especially one was. i cant deal with that. what should i do? he knows how i feel but there is nothing that can change the past and now it has consumed me. to the point that i no longer want a future with him if this it what it is going to keep doing to me. how can i get past his past? please help.
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female
reader, nic85  +, writes (15 April 2007):
the 1st thing 1 want to say is i respect your boyfriend for been upfround with you, he must have strong feelings for you if he told you everything from the start, in most relationships you dont find out a lot of things till its to late. but i can understand where your coming from as some things you just dont need to know, you dont sound like your just another number as he would have left you a long time ago if thats how he felt about you, young people like to experament and end up sleeping with people just to look cool to the lads, i have a lot of male mates and belive my its a game to most of them. the best thing i would say is try counceling, either on your own or as a couple, try and move on from the past hes with you now, but at the end of the day you have to fallow your heart, if you feel the relationship is over because of this dont try and save it for his family. but i would give counceling a good 1st, theres no harm in trying.
hope this was helpful and good luck
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