A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should I leave my boyfriend of 3 years because I can't see him changing his ways? He shouts me down, does not take me seriously, points out the fact that he has to pay the lions share of the rent and calls me a parasite (Im a student), he tells me off if I do the housework wrong! I sometimes feel like I have to tread on egg shells. Everybody thinks we have this great cosy relationship. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I love him, but we argue so much, we harldy have sex, he shouts me down, and Im always made out to be the baddy. He does not really have a lot of people in his life as he has pushed them all away.We have these huge arguments, and its always me having to back down and make peace so he never takes me seriously when I want to talk about the cracks in our relationship. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2007): Hun, I do think it is time to end this. Your bf is an abusive man who chooses this behaviour. And he's pulling you down and now, all this has become a sad, familiar pattern for both of you. You know you aren't stuck- you only 'believe' you are. He's not committed. If he were, he wouldn't be doing this. So why are you there, continuing to allow him to call you names and treat you like dirt? Because you love him? The minute you stop enabling him and allowing him to do this to you, is the minute he'll be gone. You my dear, have had no limits and no boundaries on this relationship, what you expect from it and what you will accept from it. Your "no boundaries" existence continues in your inability and relunctance to leave this pain and dysfunction. That is what this is. The way he is treating you is emotional abuse and this is a huge 'red flag' that this relationship has run it's course. Unless he get's into treatment and does a complete 'overhaul' on himself, It will only get worse. His treatment of you is not a real love and I think you know it. He's a cowardly, mean spirited guy who cannot come clean and tell you, that it's time to end this. Why don't you do it for him. I am sorry, but there is no other way. Let this one go, because a woman who stays with a man who destroys her self-esteem and degrades her value, usually has her own emotional issues. Don't prove me right. Good luck, dear and please never tolerate this from anyone, ever again.
A
female
reader, nic85 +, writes (15 April 2007):
he sounds like he will never change his ways,for a relationship to work you need to beable to talk to each other, he sounds like he just wants to do the talking, your trying to make sometime of yourself and by the sounds of thing he dosnt like this he want you to be at his beck and call, to me it sounds like this relationship died a long time ago, if i was you i would move on, am not saying it'll be easy 3 years is a long time to spend with someone,try have time for yourself go out with mate, you never know you might find mr right someone who will show you more respect then you boyfriend dose.
hope things work out for you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2007): Hi there
Perhaps he will take working on the relationship more seriously if you try another way of explaining to him that you are unhappy with the relationship. Instead of the way in which you relaying this problem to him, you could try reminding him of how things used to be and ask him he misses those days - I am sure when you approach it this way, he will be more inclined to agree that things aren't as good as they used to be.
I think in your case you are probably best doing this through couples counselling, such as relate (www.relate.org.uk) I think a counsellor can mediate to help you better understand each other's problems and needs in your relationship and this will bring you closer together.
On another note, people find themselves being emotionally abused because they allow themselves to be treated that way, the answer is never in trying to change your boyfriend or have and endless list of people telling you that he's no good for you because that actually makes your relationship even more problematic. The solution is by challenging the inherent beliefs that you have about yourself. For that reason, if your boyfriend refuses to go to a relate counsellor then I still highly recommend that you go alone, you will find it hugely helpful and the solution to your relationship problem, I am sure. All the best.
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (15 April 2007):
 You are not happy where you are and he seems to treat you like dirt. He is pushing away the one person he should be pulling towards.
You cant be expected to take all of this insult without feeling the way you have. The relationship is gone.
Find someone who can appriecate you and not put you down all the time.
If he cant talk to you seriously about the state of your relationship than you are worth more than that.
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