A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend was invited to a female friends birthday party he forgot to send the rsvp back in time. However he called her and she stated she did not have anymore space however she will make space only for him. Should I be mad that he is going without me. He states it is no big deal. It is only a party. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2011): Is it more a case of you thinking his birthday friend doesn't like you and therefore excluded you deliberately?
That would maybe explain why your a bit upset that he's still going, rather than saying no, not without my girlfriend.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 September 2011):
 Does the usually decline because of these things and you're wondering why he didn't decline this time?
And may I ask why you would decline if you were in his shoes? I don't see how it is disrespectful to ones partner to go without them when they weren't the formally invited one. If you were formally invited you'd have been the one to RSVP, not him, so I take it you were an additional guest allowed to go if he wanted to go. You wouldn't have gone without him because then you wouldn't have been invited. I don't see how it is disrespectful of him to go when he was the invited guest, and you were on the +1.
If you RVSP'd late to a friends birthday, and couldn't bring your boyfriend, you'd pout and ditch your friend because you couldn't bring your boyfriend who wasn't even invited personally himself? Who your friend might not even know?
I heard about sticking up for your partner, but I also heard about couples who isolate themselves and ONLY spend time with their partners. You know, it is healthy to have separate friends and not do everything together. It is a sign of a controlling relationship if one is not allowed to have separate friends or go out alone with friends. There's nothing disrespectful about going out with friends without ones partner present.
If you don't have a problem with him going without you then why do you say it would be disrespectful of him to go ("I would have declined the invite out of respect for my boyfriend")?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (15 September 2011):
 Are you saying that he always chooses his friends over you?
This isn't a matter of choosing between you or his friend's birthday party. Were you even formally invited on the invitation? Or did it state he could bring a +1?
If so then I can see where you would be ticked off at him RSVPing late.
However, if that's not the case..then there's no reason for you to get mad he's going without you. It's a 50th birthday party, I doubt there will be a LOT of partying going on. So you wouldn't be missing out on much, and I'm sure he would be home at a reasonable time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk once again I am not mad over this never I was wondering why I was not mad and for the record have known my boyfriend over 25 years just thught it was odd I know if the roles were reversed I wsould have declined the invite out of respect for my boyfriend
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A
female
reader, KittieS  +, writes (15 September 2011):
 My OH wouldn't go if I wasn't invited - seems very mean to me.
it's just a party why isn't there space for you?? Any decent friend would make space.
If I was in your shoes I'd encourage him to go, but honestly it does seem odd!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): Just because you two are a couple does not mean you have to do every waking thing together. It's his friend's birthday whom he has obviously (as you've only been together a year) known probably a lot longer than you.
I bet you wouldn't be moaning if the friend was male, would you?
If you were 18, I could understand this. At your age, I would have thought you'd have been more mature and less petulant.
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A
female
reader, positivesmiler +, writes (15 September 2011):
He should take you as you were both invited together in the first place..I feel its wrong he gose with out you...I am sure that he would not like it if the shoe was on the other foot..
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (14 September 2011):
It's nothing to be mad about, and it's his friend, not yours. You would only be an additional guest anyway. The party isn't a couple's event, ok, it's a birthday party. So your boyfriend was late about the rsvp, it happens. He didn't send it in late so he could avoid bringing you along! Therefor there is nothing for you to get mad about. Getting worked up over this is exaggerating and blowing things out or proportions. He didn't intentionally leave you out, and it's a birthday party... not a coronation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with all of you guys it is a 50th birthday party but I do believe it is the principle of the matter. I am going to make plans with my friends and keep it moving but what comes around goes around if nothing else after over a year of dating and we do live together I know where I stand when it comes to his friends
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): out of principle he should not be going. if it was a lads night out then fair enough but if I was in your shoes I'd be going mad!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): Must be a pretty special friend - is it a milestone birthday (21st,30th etc)?
Anyway, think I would be a bit upset for an hour or so but not over stressed, he must really want to go and its only one night.
Just make plans with your friends and go enjoy yourself.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (14 September 2011):
It's not a wedding, so he doesn't need to RSVP with a +1.
You said it yourself, it's just HIS friend's birthday party. There's no need for you to go.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (14 September 2011):
 I am not sure if you are asking whether you should be mad or whether you are justified in feeling the way that you are currently feeling. I suspect right now you are a little upset and you are wondering if your feelings are valid.
I think you need to ask yourself why you are feeling the way you are. Are you jealous, because it was a female's party? Did your boyfriend scratch a date with you in order to go to this party (which would be justifiable, by the way)? Do you trust your boyfriend around other women or is there potentially more going on with this man and this woman?
I think the answers to those questions would be more revealing to the status of your relationship and whether your anger is justifiable.
There is a middle ground here. Perhaps he goes and does the party for a few hours and then comes and gets you and you guys do something together on your own afterwards. That would be the ideal solution to this problem and it would make you feel special. Either way, let him go and enjoy the party and his friends. If he is a good boyfriend, he'll make it up to you in one way or another.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 September 2011):
 I'm assuming it's a formal dinner party with just so many seats at the table, if that's the case then no I wouldn't be mad. However if it's a more relaxed cocktail party then it would seem odd that there would only be room for him. Just how close is their friendship?
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