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age
41-50,
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writes: Hey Guys,I've been posting on this site for a while now and there's something that's been bothering me, something that I just can't figure out. Why are women so afraid of, adverse to or just straight up against making the first move?I see a lot of questions from women complaining that they are single and that guys don't show any interest in them. I see so often that they think there's something wrong with them because they don't get chatted up or asked out. Yet when I ask them how many guys they've chatted up or asked out they tell me I don't understand, that's not how it works etc.Why is that? I understand lack of confidence, that's fine we guys can suffer that too but a lot of girls just find the idea of being the one doing the chasing a completely alien concept.I just can't understand that even when girls meet a guy they like, instead of chatting them up or asking them out they try all sorts of tricks and innuendos to get the guy to ask them out instead. I mean women come on here all the time asking how they can make a certain guy notice them, or what games they can play to get this guy to like them. They then wonder why after doing all these things the guy hasn't asked them out yet. When if they'd just asked him they'd know straight away whether he was interested or not.What's so wrong about asking out a guy you like?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your replies. You all made some interesting points.
Soul4Real made a good point that a woman actively seeking a man in that way would be seen as fair game or easy, while I wholly disagree with that concept there are lots of guys that would see it that way. On the other hand, the shy retiring, nice guy that gets too nervous talking to women would not see it that way and very often the only way a girl would get a guy like that is by making the first move.
Female anon made another good point about feeling wanted. That's true although I must say we guys like that feeling just as much and for those of us that don't read signals too well, even the most blatant flirting, it would take a lot of the pressure off guys if the girl would just ask the guy out sometimes instead of taking our inability to read signs as disinterest. To at least have an 'if all else fails, I'll ask him' approach. I can't count the number of times I've heard female friends move on from a guy they really liked only to later find out that he liked them too, just because he took their flirting as meaning nothing.
I think my main problem though is that a lot of women just will not adapt. They'd rather sit at home crying wondering why no guy wants them for years at a time, instead of just going out and finding a guy they like themselves. They see that as false romance or some kind of defeat because the guy is supposed to make the move. This is especially bad seeing as most women see being single as some kind of handicap and that there must be something wrong with them. I mean women pity single women, even the happy fulfilled single women are told by their mothers, friends that they need to go find a man.
We guys never tell each other that.
I think I just wanted to know from a female perspective. While I understand why, I will never agree with the concept.
As a guy that doesn't read signals I had to adapt to just assuming a girl was interested until she stated otherwise. If I see a girl I like I waste no time going over talking to her and use gentle flirting while chatting to gauge her comfort level and then just ask her out. Pretty much every guy I know works off that principle. Especially seeing as most women give the same kind of signals of interest to male friends as they do guys they like.
All I can say is don't be a girl that lets not being chatted up be a reason for despair, go try it out for yourself if you want a guy. We don't bite and most of us are respectful enough towards women not see her making the first move as bad thing or think she's easy because of it.
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (5 August 2010):
 U do have a point here..As women we wish we could read a male's mind it would make things so much simpler..
Now, we see in movies and TV, Cosmo, etc..that if a guy wants u he'll come to u and ask u out.If he's that into u he'll make the move. Guys give us mixed messages or at time talk in code and we try to overanalyze their texts into what they really. Were complicated and were sorry. Some of us were taught the old fashioned way, gentleman opens the door, pays the tab etc..and thats a dying breed! We like the idea of being chased bc that makes us feel wanted and boosts that self-esteem up a few notches. Is it right? Do we need to make more of an effort to meet in the middle, sure..I had to make the first move on the man that was my husband bc as a woman I was flirty and holding his hand and finally it clicked with him that i was into him. Now the next move was his
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): Okay, heres the thing. Girls just like guys to make the first move. We like being wanted, and if a guy cares enough to pursue us, it makes us feel special. Sometimes we feel like making the first move is off limits, like its just something we're not supposed to do. Sometimes we feel intimidated. I don't see a huge deal with girls making the first move. I don't think it's weird. Personally, I like it when guys make the first move. I usually try to flirt and talk to the guy. I try to show as much interest as possible without being TOO obvious. After that, I figure if the guy is interested, he'll let me know. Anyway, that's pretty much all I have to say. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it's just the way it is.
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female
reader, M€9@/\/ +, writes (3 August 2010):
I'm kinda shy so could that be my exuse??? Lol I'm joking!!!!!!
Well the way I see it... Girls have this thing where they like to be "chased"(?) i guess it makes them feel better to be singled out by one other individual! But I agree with you! They should just suck it up and grow a pair if they really want a boyfriend and just ask... It's a lot simpler and less time consuming...
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