A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Firstly i know this is rather long but i would very much apperciate it if you took 2 mins to read it! thanks in advance!me and my ex broke up about 5 months ago, we didnt speak for about 2 months then she got back in touch with me. We met up a few times, we kissed probably about a month ago on a night out.I wrote her a letter to tell her how i feel and for her to be honest and tell me where i stood with her. She has been at university for about a month and a half or something now.Anyway in my letter i told her exactly how much she meant to me and that i wanted to look to get back together. She responded firstly by apologising for taking 4 days to get back to me, she wrote letter after letter but none said what she wanted to, followed by, if i knew that would make it far easier. (so she doesnt really know what to say ??? :S)She thanked me for the beautiful letter i sent, she then said that she has always tried to be honest with me and true to herself. She said what she is trying to say is that because she has spent such a long time trying to make sense and think of whats best to do, it shows how she cant give me what i want.she said i probably hate her for saying that but she said it would be easy for her to agree and get back together but something inside tells her too much has happened and she needs a fresh start up at uni, to find whatever it is that will make her truely happy. She said i may think that shes that to me but she knows she cant make me happy because she cant give all of herself to me.Important info here i feel is that she found out i slept with some other girl when we split up, that upset her and she basically said at the time that it might of been different if this had not of happened. (hence her feeling too much has happened)She said she will always treasure everything we have shared together and she thinks the bottom line is we met far too young.She hopes we will always be friends and wants me to be happy more than anything but she must be ture to herself for this to happen (my interpretation of this is that she cant get back with me after whats happened and give all herslef to me therefore i wont be happy?)She said she is lucky to have me in her life and really wants us to be friends, she said she will always be there for me and is only a phone call aways if i need her.At the end she said please keep in touch.However i feel that the only reason i would want to stay friends is to hopefuly get back with her, therefore i am considering letting her know it would be too difficult for me to be friends with her. In order for me to move on i have to probably have to not have her in my life :(Ive also heard that she is interested in these two guys at uni, but me and her were each others first love. I really feel she is confused because on facebook she said to me its soooo hard deciding whats the right thing to do, i said as long as youve made the right decision, she said 'heres hoping'She also said the fact that she doesnt know shows alot.Any view on this situation? Particulalry females?
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broke up, facebook, get back together, her ex, move on, my ex, split up, university Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks alot for all your advice, its kind of what i think also.
This girl is a very caring, nice person, obviously wihout knowing her its difficult for you to understand what she is like.
However, i am going to move on, i dont feel we can be friends at this moment in time, but one thing i do feel kind of sure about is our feelings for each other.
I suppose all i can do is let her go, if its ment to be then it will be.
Thank you for all your thoughts
A
female
reader, nightowl  +, writes (1 November 2008):
I feel what she said is clear. She loves you but cannot be with you because of your "betrayal"
I have been in her boat. I am now happily married and actually talk to my ex we are friends. It did however take us YEARS to get over this hump and be adults and friends.
I do still love him in my own way. But not in the way it used to be. I tried getting back with him after a year apart and I felt empty and like I was trying for something I didn't want.
Take this experience, move on and find someone else who you can start anew! good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2008): The Aunts below, give you great advisement and I concur with them completely. Reading about what she says to you...it's apparent that your ex gf has indeed, moved on with her life and you may have to just accept that fact, as hard as it is. I am sorry to say that. You cannot force or make anyone love you-she has to want to come back and , it appears she doesn't. It's obvious she is starting a new fresh life at university and she taking the time away to recover from this relationship with you and I suggest you do the same. If it becomes increasingly hard, consider talking to a relationship counselor just to get a good perspective on "what it takes to move on".But it is also plain to read from what she has said to you, that she too, is agonizing over breaking up with you. And understand, there is absolutely no nicey-nice, happy way to break up, especially if you are the dumper. Millons of people globally, break up and move on, daily. Ask yourself this. If your ex gf were in your shoes, would you be suffering this worry/guilt like she is? Generally, males don't, believe me. Females agonize far too much over this type of stuff. They appease their guilt by sticking the ex in the friendship zone. And guys hate being stuck there. They know exactly what and why, she's doing that. And usually, more often than not, she truely doesn't want a friendship. Break ups are not easy, people do get hurt..that is just the way it is. What she needs to do is realize there is nothing more that can be done, to make this easier for you. It's done, it's over. So, I think in light of your strong, romantic feelings for her, you'd be best to forgo the 'friendship' idea, until you have healed and recovered completely. Keep in mind, what defines a good friendship. It's conversation, connection, support and mutual interests, honesty and most important-- friendship means caring for a person..with no underlying motivations. If you are tempted to retain a friendship with your ex gf just to keep tabs on her or to possibly rekindle your romance, it could be very difficult for you to know she is dating other people. After all, she is a "free" woman-she may find another man to start a romance with. So ask yourself..can you be just friends with her after that happens? If not..then it's best 'not' to define your relationship as "friends" because friends are happy and supportive for each other, when one or the other finds a new romance/love in their life. While, I do think it's important to fill our lives with people who bring value to our lives but be friends with them for just that reason...not so you can get her back...just some things to think about.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2008): Sorry babes, but she is being truthful. She loves you still, that's why she wants to be friends, but she is no longer with you, the fact that you slept with somebody else has convinced her your romantic relationship is over. She will now start dating, going out and finding new friends. She's young, and she realises that maybe you aren't "Mr Right", and her feelings are not strong enough to continue a loving relationship with you. She has moved on, you must also move on. It's best that you tell her you need space and not to contact you for at least a year. After a year, your feelings will have changed, it probably won't hurt so much and you can talk to her without missing her and wanting her back. She will have changed as well, she may find a new partner, and maybe she may not want to contact you again.. Sorry babes, but that's how life goes sometimes..
Remember the good times you had, the things you done together and the things you learned from her. Learn from the bad times, and be honest and truthful about whether you were happy or not. You were already moving away, or you were so angry with her, you had sex with somebody else. That changes the nature of the relationship, it breaks a bit of trust, so it's best that you and her are finished, and can find somebody else to love. Take care of you, blessings....
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A
female
reader, Cheater32 +, writes (1 November 2008):
 I have read you're post and I have to tell you. I think its so hard to keep a relationship when you are young. It can workout but more often than not it doesnt. I think she is confused and at this time does not want to work things out. I know that may hurt but i have said those some words that she haas said and I know what it means. You seem like such a nice guy and i know it hurts and is hard but you really deserve someone that knows for a fact that she wants you and only you.
Feel free to contact for anything support/chat:-)
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